Why does erp feel so fucking weird? Like it makes me feel weird, awkward, kinda uncomfortable, idk how to even explain it.. is that supposed to happen? Is that anxiety? Idk what that feeling is. It feels weird. Like i went from laughing awkwardly to feeling weird, to getting sad, to feeling like i wanted to tear up. What is going on..? Like I’m so confused
That’s completely normal. It’s basically your mind adapting to something that it views as foreign. It’s almost like an allergy. Allergies are your body overreacting to what it considers to be foreign threats. So your body goes into this overreactive mode to fight it. OCD works the same way. ERP is your mind adapting to the recognition of what it perceives as a foreign object. Intrusive thoughts are ego-dystonic, which means that they are fundamentally at odds with your true nature. They’re like mental pathogens. So by doing ERP, your mind has to adapt to what it views as fundamentally foreign. The side effect of this will be an array of emotions, but it’s totally normal and should be expected.
So what i experienced was anxiety? People laugh during anxiety too?
@Jaikishan Yea it can happen. It’s like sometimes you cry when you’re sad; sometimes you cry when you’re happy. Sometimes you laugh when you’re sad because you’re crying. Basically human emotions are linked and they can all feed into each other. So yes, it’s normal to laugh when you’re feeling anxious.
@Owen Roberts Noted like this was fucking weird, my therapist told me to write down “i am gay” along with other things that are you know gay.. so my reaction was all these emotions, does that mean that erp was working? Not asking for reassurance cause i wanna get better, i want the old Jai back i know he’s in there somewhere but i just wanna love girls again. It’s weird cause i get very attached to women yet i have HOCD , it doesn’t even make sense yet the thoughts are so scary cause they know exactly what my fear is. It’s like living with a symbiote
@Jaikishan Yea you have OCD. If you really were gay you wouldn’t be distressed about the idea of it. But because you have OCD, it attacks what’s important to who you are. Basically, the themes that bother you the most are the ones that are least likely to ever be true in reality. So in other words, if gay thoughts bother you more than harm thoughts, for example, you’re actually more likely to do some violent act in the future than to be gay. Isn’t that annoying?
@Owen Roberts It feels weird because sometimes I don't get anxiety and that fucks with my head and sometimes I cry because I don't wanna be gay I don't know what it is the society, how people will view me anything but any thought of being gay does not bring me happiness this is the first time I ever even thought about these thoughts ever, it's so confusing cause my self esteem, sex drive and loss of attraction messes with me. And i can't determine what false attraction is, like yeah the guy looks good but then my thoughts and groinal responses fuck with me and make me sad. I can't even tell what's anxiety or what isn't, I even washed gay porn for around four months trying to figure it out and I barely barely even got turned on three times if I'm being generous, Also when I kiss a girl or make out with a girl I prejaculate I don't know what to make all these things dude
@Jaikishan I’ve only kissed a girl twice in my whole life and I’ve never had sex so I can’t really relate, but I would just stop worrying about it. You can’t control these thoughts; you can only control how you respond to them. Meditation and ERP is what I would suggest.
@Owen Roberts Noted
Can I hear some examples of specific parts of ERP that has helped you? I've been doing talk therapy for a few years and the major issue I have with it is that I already have analyzed all of my problems from every angle, so I'm kind of just sitting there yapping about it for an hour. I need solutions and things that make me feel better.
I’ve started ERP therapy with a really great therapist, and I haven’t gave into my compulsions but I still have anxiety and yesterday my brain was telling me that people were zombies😭 is this normal?
During ERP, we learn not to analyze thoughts, not to analyze feelings, obstacles, ideas, commands... because it's all an intrusion and not real. However, it's too difficult for me, because every time a picture comes out, it's all detailed and even with a sound in my head, or an urge, or an idea... to "leave" it like that and I don't come back... is that the case with anyone else? and does it ever pass? Thanks in advance
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