- Username
- leham
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I’ve had those same exact feelings! And something that I’ve realized that helps, is shrugging them off. Doing exactly the opposite of what every instinct in your body is telling you to do (fight them). When you show them that they have no weight, no importance, they cower. You starve them. And then eventually, they have absolutely no control over you.
It’s like my head is mimicking all of the things lgbtq people go through. It makes me “scared” of coming out when I really don’t know what I will be coming out to. Of not being accepted and stuff. When I really don’t even know what I am. It’s like I can’t imagine myself with a guy now
I’m so sorry @JM1998! I totally understand the fear and the feeling that everything you’ve ever wanted could be lost. A feeling is not the truth however, we should hold onto that.
Leah, I understand you 100%. Because, all I’ve ever wanted was a wife one day, specifically my beautiful girlfriend of almost 3 years, I hope that day does come, and yes, I want kids with her, I want to travel with her, and grow old with her. Then all of a sudden, I’m 20 years old and my mind has gone broken. I’m triggered by a coworker and I can’t even look at him in the eye. I’ve had terrible OCD anxiety moments at work. This has happened since January. Im just scared about all this. It has made me question everything.
I know. It still makes me doubt everything. Automatically
Look, I just want my babygirl, my girlfriend, and this has made me doubt everything. Before, I loved saying that, now it just feels like I’m a liar.
you are completely right. thanks for that
Thank you for understanding! @??? And of course- that’s what makes this the ‘doubting disease’ @JM1998, I totally get you.
I think it’s important to know that 1. Sexual orientation is a spectrum and that you can accept the uncertainty of not knowing where you are exactly on that spectrum if you ask most people about how they really know what their sexual orientation is they will give a vague answer “I just know” In reality they are not more certain then you they just haven’t been bullied by the OCD monster into doubting themselves. You don’t have to chase the fleeting feeling of certainty there more you try grab into the further away it will move 2 the content of ocd is irrelevant, it’s fake news. This is evident but the fact that ocd is always changing the content to whatever is most scary in your life right now hence why who have had multiple obsessions. Also remember you are an expert at getting over obsessions I am guessing the old obsessions have largely faded into the background and have been replaced hocd how did you start to let go of the old ones? For me it has been accepting that thoughts are just thoughts not secret messages about my secret desires and nature and that I can handle uncertainty in life regardless of the ocd content. The reason hocd is painful isn’t because you are homophobic it because it feels like a threat to your sense of self I.e who you thought you were
Yes I totally agree to that @idont241. And yea that is how I handled previous intrusive thoughts, this one has just hit me harder with things like PMS and stress of college and general rise in anxiety levels. Thank you for the tips though!:)
Thank you for that @chai, that genuinely made me feel so happy. And thank you so much for understanding as well, one of my fears is my being misunderstood. ?❤️
Alright, so ever since i was born (im 15 soon 16) i was always so sure in my sexuality, i never doubted my straightness. I always have wanted to have kids in the future and get a wife, im pretty skinny so and im un confident and i dont have that great self esteem. My freind showed me porn at the age of 10 and from there on ive watched porn. when i started to get into more hardcore porn like incest and nasty shit like that, thats when i started to get HOCD, i dont watch it that much anymore but i believe ive fapped my self to oblivan im talkin like 8 times a day sometimes but at least 2 a day. 7 months ago i got HOCD and its made me insecure in my sexuality and its made me loose my dezire to get a girl or get kids, wich is very sad for me and depressing. I feel kinda numb and its made me feel bi and asexual. I dont know if ill revert back to my true self or if its my puberty changing me or my sexuality or if ive been in deep denial my whole life but didnt have the slightest clue.
Bro I know I’m going through the same thing , I’m a girl , and I’ve always had desires of being with a guy and everything but all my dreams and desires have slowly gone away . I’m definitely starting to feel like I’m bi or asexual like I literally have no attraction towards anyone anymore . It really is depressing and sad . I’m not sure what to do anymore. Ik you wrote that a while ago but hopefully you’re doing a lot better now.
Can someone explain to me the difference between HOCD and questioning your sexuality? I see several posts regarding fears about having romantic feelings towards the same sex and I wonder if that really means someone is gay and afraid to admit it to themselves? I’m not asking to be offensive, I really just don’t understand that form of OCD.
I’m so exhausted. Been having HOCD since May & had it once before when I was 15 - both times began as me genuinely thinking I was questioning my sexuality, then it became obsessive and that’s when I landed on HOCD. It was more like HOCD that actually questioning. But I will say I do find women attractive, and have always watched lesbian porn & in my mind I guess I do find women’s body’s somewhat sexually attractive. This being said - I have always had boyfriends, always fell for boys and not once have I ever been genuinely interested in a girl or fallen for one. I’m 20 too, so it’s not like i’m only 14. In very open about sexuality and accept everything and everyone, so the idea of being lesbian or bi isn’t alien to me. Some of my friends are gay and lesbian . Earlier this summer I even started coming out to people as maybe being bi, and i was almost pushing that label onto myself to try and accept myself - but it still didn’t feel right and I am still unsure and uncertain. Just want some advice - is this similar to other people’s stories ? Not looking for reassurance, just genuinely wondering wether it is HOCD or maybe I am just abit gay hahaha (which would be okay, just doesn’t really feel right)
Vent: I wish SOOCD was better understood. Even on this app. It feels horrible when people invalidate the thoughts or question them. “There’s nothing to be scared of” “there’s nothing wrong with being ______” Of course there’s nothing scary or wrong about loving who you love. BUT Feeling like losing a part of your identity is scary. Possible judgement is scary. Losing a partner is scary. We have core fears that honestly have nothing to do with sexuality, it’s just what our OCD chose to fixate on. It’s so exhausting explaining it and having people give unsolicited comments and “advice” regarding this theme when they don’t understand.
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