- Username
- leham
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I’ve had those same exact feelings! And something that I’ve realized that helps, is shrugging them off. Doing exactly the opposite of what every instinct in your body is telling you to do (fight them). When you show them that they have no weight, no importance, they cower. You starve them. And then eventually, they have absolutely no control over you.
It’s like my head is mimicking all of the things lgbtq people go through. It makes me “scared” of coming out when I really don’t know what I will be coming out to. Of not being accepted and stuff. When I really don’t even know what I am. It’s like I can’t imagine myself with a guy now
I’m so sorry @JM1998! I totally understand the fear and the feeling that everything you’ve ever wanted could be lost. A feeling is not the truth however, we should hold onto that.
Leah, I understand you 100%. Because, all I’ve ever wanted was a wife one day, specifically my beautiful girlfriend of almost 3 years, I hope that day does come, and yes, I want kids with her, I want to travel with her, and grow old with her. Then all of a sudden, I’m 20 years old and my mind has gone broken. I’m triggered by a coworker and I can’t even look at him in the eye. I’ve had terrible OCD anxiety moments at work. This has happened since January. Im just scared about all this. It has made me question everything.
I know. It still makes me doubt everything. Automatically
Look, I just want my babygirl, my girlfriend, and this has made me doubt everything. Before, I loved saying that, now it just feels like I’m a liar.
you are completely right. thanks for that
Thank you for understanding! @??? And of course- that’s what makes this the ‘doubting disease’ @JM1998, I totally get you.
I think it’s important to know that 1. Sexual orientation is a spectrum and that you can accept the uncertainty of not knowing where you are exactly on that spectrum if you ask most people about how they really know what their sexual orientation is they will give a vague answer “I just know” In reality they are not more certain then you they just haven’t been bullied by the OCD monster into doubting themselves. You don’t have to chase the fleeting feeling of certainty there more you try grab into the further away it will move 2 the content of ocd is irrelevant, it’s fake news. This is evident but the fact that ocd is always changing the content to whatever is most scary in your life right now hence why who have had multiple obsessions. Also remember you are an expert at getting over obsessions I am guessing the old obsessions have largely faded into the background and have been replaced hocd how did you start to let go of the old ones? For me it has been accepting that thoughts are just thoughts not secret messages about my secret desires and nature and that I can handle uncertainty in life regardless of the ocd content. The reason hocd is painful isn’t because you are homophobic it because it feels like a threat to your sense of self I.e who you thought you were
Yes I totally agree to that @idont241. And yea that is how I handled previous intrusive thoughts, this one has just hit me harder with things like PMS and stress of college and general rise in anxiety levels. Thank you for the tips though!:)
Thank you for that @chai, that genuinely made me feel so happy. And thank you so much for understanding as well, one of my fears is my being misunderstood. ?❤️
Alright, so ever since i was born (im 15 soon 16) i was always so sure in my sexuality, i never doubted my straightness. I always have wanted to have kids in the future and get a wife, im pretty skinny so and im un confident and i dont have that great self esteem. My freind showed me porn at the age of 10 and from there on ive watched porn. when i started to get into more hardcore porn like incest and nasty shit like that, thats when i started to get HOCD, i dont watch it that much anymore but i believe ive fapped my self to oblivan im talkin like 8 times a day sometimes but at least 2 a day. 7 months ago i got HOCD and its made me insecure in my sexuality and its made me loose my dezire to get a girl or get kids, wich is very sad for me and depressing. I feel kinda numb and its made me feel bi and asexual. I dont know if ill revert back to my true self or if its my puberty changing me or my sexuality or if ive been in deep denial my whole life but didnt have the slightest clue.
Bro I know I’m going through the same thing , I’m a girl , and I’ve always had desires of being with a guy and everything but all my dreams and desires have slowly gone away . I’m definitely starting to feel like I’m bi or asexual like I literally have no attraction towards anyone anymore . It really is depressing and sad . I’m not sure what to do anymore. Ik you wrote that a while ago but hopefully you’re doing a lot better now.
It’s ridiculous how much people discussing HOCD bothers me. I know it’s a form of OCD, which I understand is out of the person’s control. I know mental illness is not a choice. I have OCD, so I get it. I get invasive thoughts about being hetero, so it makes sense that it works the other way too. I know the people who have HOCD aren’t necessarily homophobic. It does kind of make me feel like my sexuality is a worst case scenario, though. I can’t help but think “people are as afraid of being like me, as I am of heart attacks”. Idk. It just almost feels like people are saying “oh no what if I’m gay” “don’t worry, you’re straight. You’re okay because you’re straight” (which I know isn’t the case). It could just be because of the lack of positivity I’ve seen surrounding the queer community lately, though. I’m not trying to call out or invalidate people with HOCD though, I know it’s something that they don’t enjoy, and it’s something they suffer with just as much as I suffer with my OCD. Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest
Ok... I was doing good until a few weeks ago. I really was making a lot of progress until a few weeks ago. Backdoor spikes turned up and ocd came back with full force. Or at least I think it's ocd... I hope it is. My theme is hocd, by the way. I try to not give the thoughts much attention, but they're making me mad. It feels so real, and when I see coming out stories it just adds up, as if I should come out too. It terrifies me, every day I think about wanting to die, to not wake up, to cease existing. It's been so draining, and so lonely. I don't want to be in the closet, I don't want to have romantic relationships with women. And ocd makes me question why that: because of my morals? What if your sexuality goes deeper than your morals and you're just denying you like women? Maybe you should try it out, you'd like it. This scares me so. much. And the thing is: I watch same sex porn. It turns me on. I've seen on the internet many women actually watch same sex porn, but ocd makes me question if my case isn't different from other women. All the time I'm worried that I'll just lose control and kiss any woman that's by my side. I haven't had any experience with men either, as I'm reserved and a hopeless romantic (high expectations). I've liked men before, though, and I still have many crushes today. Ocd tries to convince me this is just a cover up. This is just destroying my life. This is daily torture, I can't imagine myself living with this forever. What am I supposed to tell my eventual boyfriend, my husband? How am I supposed to have children in this state of mind? What if some day I just snap out of this and actually realize I'm gay? What if this question is actually me already admitting that I am in fact gay? Honestly, it's too much. This was quite hard to write, and I tried to include here as much as possible of my insecurities. If you read till here I'm grateful. Just wanted to say that I DON'T have anything against gay people, even though they're making me very anxious since this all started, which adds up to my endless collection of intrusive thoughts (it makes me think I'm in denial because of some prejudice).
i just has a thought that i would like to share... i think that a lot of teens could be going through HOCD in this day and age because there is so much about the LGBTQ community in the media (not like that’s a bad thing btw) back in the day, like maybe the 90s, HOCD was categorised as “fear of being gay” not “fear of being bi” i think a lot of us teens have a fear of being bi because that is seen as a valid sexuality but back in the day i don’t think it was. it was either all or nothing. being gay used to be seen as such a taboo so back then if you were to tell anyone you were getting intrusive thoughts about being gay it would be seen as ghastly and horrible. but now you tell someone who doesn’t get the nature of Pure O and they’d say “oMg iTs 2020 aCcEpT yOuRsElF, gEt WiTh ThE tImEs” which makes it harder for us teens to get through this. i also had a thought that depending on whether you’re a girl or guy, HOCD is difficult in different ways most straight girls watch lesbian porn cus it focuses on female pleasure - HOCD manipulates that i’ve seen tweets saying shit like “how are women even straight have you see a woman naked?” - like sis....really? i’ve seen articles saying women are never straight either bi or lesbian- ....anyways.... - being a straight girl going through HOCD, seeing all that is difficult and not only this but HOCD is focused heavily on straight men and it really pisses me off. all the books i’ve real on HOCD all talk about men specifically and their groinal responses and it’s like...what about me? for guys: the groinal response is more noticeable that’s the biggest struggle i could think of for guys since i don’t know what you guys go through exactly i’ve been told by people that i give of a bisexual vibe because i’m quirky....i literally don’t even know at this point, i could breathe and someone would be like “oMg YoUrE sO bIsExUaL” (ง'̀-'́)ง i kinda want HOCD to be spoken about more cus i feel like it’s one of those OCD subcategories that aren’t really deemed as that important since being gay isn’t a taboo anymore. i feel this way too with ROCD these have just been my thoughts, agree or not idc i just wanted to express my feelings ( ˘ ³˘)♥
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