- Date posted
- 3y
TMI 18+
So basically me and my boyfriend was having you know what, and we haven’t done anything in like a month, and I really wanted too enjoy the moment with him, but each time we do anything I always have intrusive thoughts? or like scenario’s if that makes any sense, and each time this thought would come in i’d try too tell myself ocd please stop, or no intrusive thoughts over and over, and i did that each time it would come threw, and then it felt like in the moment when we was doing something i was trying too simply just focus on him made me think i like the thought or something but then again idk if i said no intrusive thoughts or anything like that, or was just annoyed. or that i said in my head just focus on him, and then i try too figure it out in my head too make it seem like it didn’t happen the way i’m thinking but when i do that i feel like i’m doing compulsions too make myself feel better, and then if i just sit with it and accept it as uncertainty or as it is makes me obsess over it for days and days and then something else will happen so i’d start obsessing over something new, and then with this situation now it’s making me think i intentionally thought about the intrusive thought again too like it or something, i’m just at the point too where i don’t know what too do because i simply just want too be focused on him, and the medication i’m on i can hardly feel the anxiety so it’s like just worry, idk i feel like a horrible person, and then he asked me if i was okay after because i was acting so worried, and asked if i had a thought and i said i might tell you later because i don’t want him too think i can’t enjoy him like that anymore because of these thoughts, not looking for reassurance just simply someone too relate too, and this isn’t the only theme i have, it’s just the one that’s really bad right now, i have like 4 other themes as well, I just have severe ocd and i’m so tired of this nonstop cycle. it’s getting old, sorry for such a long post but i’m just so tired.