Laughing at myself

I look back at various past events in my life where I said or did things that I feel really guilty, disgusted, and ashamed about. I replay them in my head for hours. I feel anxious about crossing paths with people that I've hurt or upset in the past or who perceive me badly, to the point that I will avoid going out in public as much as possible. I go out for work, errands, appointments, and occasionally to eat (even though those all give me a lot of anxiety), but I avoid community events where people might recognize me and I tend to isolate myself. The only people I see regularly are my boyfriend, my parents, and my coworkers. I live in a small community and I'm worried about people confronting me publicly and proving what a bad person I must be.

Does anyone struggle with feeling like their ocd issues are not ocd enough compared to other peoples ocd? Is this an ocd thought itself lol

Not sure this is really OCD related, but does anyone else struggle with erythrophobia (the fear of blushing)? I struggle with it really bad and I feel like it’s kind of OCD related because the more you try not to think about something, the worse it gets. The more I try not to blush, the more I do. Anyway, today, I was at church which for some reason always gives me the most anxiety. I struggle with never knowing where to look which I know sounds stupid and I feel like I tend to avoid other people’s gazes. I’m always worried too that people can sense my anxiety. I accidentally made eye contact with the priest and a few other people and immediately started turning red. I looked down so as to hide it but I think people still noticed. I know that people aren’t really looking at me but I’ve always had the spotlight effect where I feel like they are always looking at me and judging me. After I blushed, I noticed 2 of the altar servers were whispering and laughing and they seemed to be looking at me. I felt so self-conscious the rest of the service. I hate erythrophobia and social anxiety and I know blushing might not seem like a big deal to those who don’t constantly struggle with it but it is to me and has ruined my life. Does anyone else struggle with this?