Midlife crisis

Hi brrrreetie, sounds like some difficult questions. I don’t pretend to know the answers but, perhaps I could provide unsolicited opinions? Questioning your relationship is pretty tough. When I step back and think (hopefully not overthink) about it, I guess it depends on what you believe about this idea of a “soulmate”, or like one perfect partner. I do not believe that anybody has a “soulmate” in this sense. I believe everyone “settles” in that: they choose their partner out of a limited pool of selection that they have. When I think of my “perfect” partner, I’m sure they don’t exist. Why? Because my perception of an ideal partner is not only unrealistic, but changes as I change. For example, maybe I have a bad experience with a partner and decide that I don’t want that person’s traits. My conception of my ideal partner has just changed. Also, whoever I decide to stay with will change over time too. When considering it from this perspective, I think everybody chooses the “wrong” partner. Sometimes I wonder if having the perfect partner might actually create a lot of stress; I wonder if I would feel inadequate in comparison. I think this is probably me overthinking it though. I don’t mean this to belittle ROCD, I’m sure there are things about ROCD that I don’t understand. Obviously I don’t know the details of your relationships either (obviously I would not support abusive relationships). But for generally healthy relationships, I am inspired by older couples that stick together despite their differences and learn to love the person despite their inevitable changes that happen to them over the course of their lives. That’s awesome that you enjoy time with your kid! I would suppose that there is a healthy balance between supporting your child, and having your own life. I’m actually kind of terrified of having kids because I’m not sure if I would navigate that balance very well. I find those big existential questions tricky too. Maybe, if you feel comfortable enough and trust them enough, you could create a better connection with your friends if you discuss with them their thoughts on these existential questions? Perhaps getting away from the “paper and social media” and into these deep discussions with your trusted friends could help?

Thanks for the perspective! That’s really helpful. I do love my partner- I just have these unwanted doubts that stick. Logically that all makes sense to me. We are going on 15 years so something is working. And funny you should say the existential questions should be with friends. After I typed this up I thought to myself, who could I have this conversation with. The list is small but at least there are options

I'm in somewhat of the same boat. I'm turning 40 this year. I've been a sahm for 13 years. I don't feel like I've accomplished much. I have ROCD attaching a 16 year marriage. I am religious, but feel God abandoned me a long time ago. I'm wondering if it's all worth it