Welp. Woke up this morning and it was alright . Realized I had to come into work 10:30 . Then realized last minute I didn’t have clean uniform. I began to over analyze my entire life and how much of a failure I am . I work with bunch of HS kids and most of which know how to drive and/or have their vehicle unlike me . Meanwhile, it’s been over a year and all I been doing was working which feels tiring to a certain point - it’s not always bad jusr some days I get real exhausted from normal work stress or even sometimes the fact I’m not at higher position as the other workers are . Which puts me to think “geee not only am I not able to drive like most people do (including my own siblings) but I also can’t manage to be as good as other employees for other managers to realize. Not to mention, on top of all this I have to deal with the non stop episodes of my ocd . It interferes with work, my chores, my inability to drive , etcccc. I’m not in a relationship which does stress me out because I know I am not ready until I have stop stressing about my low self esteem and social anxiety . I have also have anxiety of not having my goals done and just not being organized . I have a list of goals I wanna accomplish . How will I be able to manage all this stress /anxiety when I get to college? Especially with all the work I’ll have to be doing during college . This is just so much for me it feels impossible . I haven’t even started erp . I feel hopeless. I feel like a loser . It’s the bare minimum that I can’t even do such as driving - I understand it takes time blah blah it’s a essential thing eveyone needs to know unless given the circumstances one is in. Even with my case, j feel like I should’ve been knowing and I only blame me for it . I’ve wasted many of my youthful adolescent years . Gee I sound like a grandpa and I’m barely 20. All of this just stresses me out so bad ...I envy the kids at work . I’m just done at this point. I called off work today . I’m qutting my job ...I am DONE. But hey , bright side is I’m still trying to do the bare minimum, I’m switching to an alternative job for moment being while I have 3 months left of college . I’m starting my drivers Ed this upcoming week and I am taking my drivers test by end of this month. Only thing that is getting to me is not managing my ocd ...episodes come and go and once I’m out of one I feel so relieved and happy and all sudden I feel like stuck again . Another one of my top stress factors is my low self esteem . I desperately want to lose weight for the sake of my mental health and more in depth with social anxiety . I just wanna be happy . I’m trying to balance out everything.