Old triggers/obsessions back and bad again?

I suffered for a really long time (approx 2 years) with Real Event/False Memory ROCD. This led to a long period of chronic guilt, rumination, mental review and confessing. I sought help last year and finally realised I had OCD (hurrah) and wasn’t totally losing my mind. I felt as though I was (prior to diagnosis) when I told my therapist… “no matter what, I’m having the same thought over and over and every time I think I’ve found a way out of it, it comes back”. I felt really suicidal and could not see my way out of it for a while. I found a lot of help online with Instagram which led me to finding NOCD and a number of their therapists. I actually started NOCD therapy last year and was finally ridding myself of these horrible shackles and seeing that my life didn’t have to be defined by memories, mistakes and fears. However, unfortunately I fell ill and a number of life changing events happened (lost a beloved pet, was in and out of hospital, my stepdad became seriously ill and hospitalised) so I gave up therapy for the time being. Since, I’ve found myself distracted from my fears, I suppose I had a new theme to focus on (my health), I’d not realised it had become compulsive but I suppose it had. Anyway, it’s been a few months and I am still unwell but finding a way around it. I also have some great news in my life, I found out I’m pregnant and am beginning a new chapter in my life and am adapting to the changes and fears that come with that. Unfortunately 2 days ago I was floored by my old obsessions, back with vengeance with none of my old tools able to help again. I’m catching myself ruminating, I am noticing old patterns of mental review returning, here I am with that gut wrenching fear in my stomach constantly and words on my tongue ready to confess to things I may or may not have done (who knows!?). I feel so unprepared for this return of old fears… I thought I’d done well and almost become un-fearful again? I’m not sure where to go from here, I’ve enquired about some ERP again and am taking those steps. I’ve grabbed my old OCD books and am ready to remind myself to step out of those cycles. But I can’t help but feel devastated that the same old scary patterns have grabbed me again. Anyone have any top tips for coping in the meantime whilst arranging some ERP again 🪴

Username: JB1020JB1020

Date posted: 2y ago

Sorry you're going through this. But congrats on your pregnancy! That is awesome! It may not feel like it but you are prepared to deal with this again. OCD doesn't change, it has the same playbook, nagging doubts and fears about things very important to us. When it goes away and comes back it can feel new and novel again and sometimes like a different monster. I feel like I need to dig into the root cause of it this time or why it chose this or that theme. Nope, don't do that. It's the same old OCD! You beat it back once again and you'll beat it back this time. It's all about consciously slowing down, resisting those compulsions, sitting with the anxiety and letting thoughts go. Big life changes can bring OCD back when we are vulnerable. But the life changes are worth it. You're going to crush it once again and have that much more practice under your belt.

Username: m205633m205633

Date posted: 2y ago

You’re totally right! It does feel like a new monster and I feel like I’ve dropped all my old tools. It feels frustrating that all that relentless work from before seems to have vanished, but I’m hoping that having done this before… it won’t take as long to come to the same conclusion/clarity that I had before. I do believe that my life shifting in such a huge way is what’s brought it on, as I’m unsettled, as is the OCD within me trying to get some control in the unknown. Thank you so much for your comment x

Username: Nik07Nik07

Date posted: 2y ago

Unfortunately for many, old obsessions can return. I used to be distraught when that happened and feel devestated as in my mind when these thoughts came back it meant I lost all the progress I've done getting to cope with them and I had to restart all over again. I remember one time one particular intrusive thought that bothered me a lot because it's quite atypical when it comes to the most common OCD themes (however OCD can be about absolutely anything), came back. I felt distraught and it hit me ten times harder. I told my girlfriend about it and what she told me actually helped me cope with old obsessions making a return. She said to me "Do not see it as losing progress. You can catch a cold once recover from it but you can catch it again. Do not see it as losing progress but see it as "catching a cold" again" I don't know if that kind of helps you but it really helped me not feeling bad when old obsessions returned. I would still feel devestated but in the back of my mind I would tell myself that it's just another cold that I will recover from it. Expect these thoughts to come back and welcome them when they do. After some point they will eventually disappear with the right therapy and coping skills. Themes that bothered me almost a decade ago no matter how hard I think about them they don't bother me anynore. There is hope. Hope that helps. Wish you good luck and all the best for you and your baby 💚

Username: m205633m205633

Date posted: 2y ago

That’s such a helpful way of looking at it. It knocked me hugely this time because I’ve had progress before and dipped again, progress and then dipped but I really thought this one was a gonner so when it came back it floored me! Almost like “what are you doing here?”. I actually have a cold at the moment too, so it’s easy to visualise me catching it again. Perspective is huge in OCD so I think although I’m angry and sad that it’s back, I need to remember that fighting it isn’t helpful. Thank you for your message x

Username: RaeStrugglesRaeStruggles

Date posted: 2y ago

I’m sorry you have been put through so much lately 😢 It’s good that you’re noticing old patterns and recognizing that these intrusive thoughts are OCD. I have recently had this happen to me too. I listened to an OCD podcast this morning just to get my by while at work. OCD is so sneaky in that if you have a thought, even a thought you previously disregarded, your brain will keep sending these thoughts because it thinks you’re in danger. Remember that this is OCD’s way of keeping you to play the game. Continue to disregard these thoughts. You’re doing so well pulling out your toolbox of recovery work. Keep working on ERP and you will get back on track again ❤️

Username: m205633m205633

Date posted: 2y ago

It’s so frustrating when it comes back when you’re unprepared. I’m sorry you’ve experienced something similar. Like yourself with the podcast, I’ve begun watching some old videos on YouTube. It’s definitely a faulty alarm system 🚨 thank you and I hope you too get back to where you want to be x

Username: juj20

Date posted: 5y ago

Hey all! I just joined this app and wanted to ask for your thoughts and encouragement on something I’ve been experiencing lately. (*long post ahead*) I’ve had an OCD diagnosis for about 2 years now, along with generalized anxiety, depersonalization symptoms, and depression diagnoses since my teens (I’m 24). Been lucky to have great family and healthcare that have helped me get out of some very dark places. I’m currently on a very high dose of Prozac, a smaller dose of Wellbutrin, and have been in therapy pretty consistently since my late teens. Life is pretty good....I’m in grad school and am doing well socially and academically. I am moving out to another part of the country to do an internship for 10 weeks, starting this Friday. But with all of this great and wonderful stuff in life, I have definitely noticed my OCD getting worse, despite my meds and self care. I’ve been having more obsessive fears and doing the rituals and compulsions to soothe those fears. It’s taking up much more of my mental space than it had for the past 2 years or so. I think part of it is the big change of moving to a new place temporarily, finishing my first year of grad school, and going from being insanely busy to having a month of downtime that is just now wrapping up. I’m getting scared that things are going to get really bad again — so far I’ve been managing with mindfulness and acceptance, and reading up on tactics for managing intrusive thoughts and accompanying compulsions. But I am so afraid that things will get to be into the dark and horrible place they were in 2 years ago. My OCD has been really mild the past few years, since I started the meds, and to feel it flare up again is really REALLY distressing. It makes me scared that the meds aren’t working, or that all the thoughts and fears are real. I know this isn’t the truth, logically, but my OCD and anxiety are running with it. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this (change-related flare ups and the fears accompanied by them) and has tools to manage relapse or flare ups. Thanks in advance :) :)

Username: Sheeby

Date posted: 2y ago

Relapse -Existential OCD Help

Hi all! I’m experiencing a bit of a relapse after thinking I had it all figured out! I think that I was actually avoiding a lot of things and not really putting that much pressure on myself to do ERP and accept uncertainty that I allowed what was a small ball of thoughts to turn into a life shattering obsession again. I’m feeling a little discouraged, and constantly questioning the meaning of existence again. This always happens when life gets hard and I lose my footing, I question the whole world and become dangerously obsessive and it makes me suicidal. I also feel like I forgot all my tools, or I’m scared that my ERP skills won’t work anymore because I thought I got rid of it so that means it’s back to stay. I just was wondering if I could have some encouragement and reminders on how to best approach this situation and stay positive. No reassurance pls 🙏🏼

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Struggling with Relapse?

I’ve been doing really well the past few months. I’ve been consistent with ERP therapy and other exercises to help manage my OCD. However, something triggered my OCD to come back in full force last week and while I know that the journey to recovery isn’t linear, and I know that this is something I will always have to work on, it’s been very disheartening and it feels like all the progress I’ve made has been for nothing. It’s exhausting and I’m struggling with intrusive thoughts that I will never get better again. Anyone else relate?

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Old triggers/obsessions back and bad again?

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community