- Date posted
- 3y
Dead end
I'm sorry if this appears as seeking reassurance, to some extent it is. I just have no one to talk to right now, and it's more to do with my general state, rather than my ocd specifically. I'm just so low at all times. I don't see a way out of it, every path I imagine I just see a dead end - fear, embarrassment. I just don't know what to do. I have been having suicidal ideations and they seem to be the only thing giving me a serotonin boost. It's such a horrible thought. My brain just keeps using it as a solution to my problems and I recieve a chemical reward at the end. That's just no way to live my life. I have a therapist, but they are away and I have not been able to speak to them. I wouldn't do anything stupid, it's just my ocd saying things, but it's just no way to live life. I've cut myself from everyone, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was too anxious all the time and it just wasn't working, I don't blame her. It's just that today I saw she was posting photos of someone else and all my relationship ocd trauma hit me all at once. I'm sorry for this rant, I just need to get it out somewhere. You don't have to respond if you think it would be reassuring. I just don't know what to do. Don't really have much of a purpose, I don't see my value in anything. I just want the nightmare to stop. So sorry again.