Exsistential OCD?

Hello all, cut right to the chase, I have ROCD and have been dealing with/treating it for a while now, and things are going alright. I’ve been noticing that my OCD thoughts have been taking another shape recently though but I cant seem to make them fit into a certain subtype. Recently my thoughts have been surrounding life questions and wondering if Im living life “the right way”. I get insane FOMO and jealousy of other peoples lives because it triggers me to ask myself “should I be living that lifestyle?” “Should I be doing what they are doing? They look happy?” and so on, until I can convince myself that I have my own life to focus on and that I am indeed happy. Now Ive been able to associate most parts of this cycle with my ROCD cycle and the two compliment each other quite nicely (lol). Just dont know how to consider this a subtype? Is there such a thing as ‘general OCD’ where every aspect if life causes questioning and response? Im a bit confused.

JLG323

Date posted: 3y

I think that's a really good way to look at it. Difficult... But good. I'm proud of you man and I'm proud of your partner for sticking with you through the dark

JLG323

Date posted: 3y

Dude, this sound sao much like what I go through it's not even funny. It's really not it's actually quite excruciating lol. I'm down to talk about it with you if you'd like.

owmybrainhurts

Date posted: 3y

Yes that would be nice! Do you consider it an OCD subtype?

JLG323

Date posted: 3y

Existential makes a lot of sense to me. ROCD is my main root and I've gone through it with two different women now. But thoughts exactly like what you're describing also get to me. I dropped out of school for forestry even though I have always wanted to work in the forest because I couldn't get the idea out of my head that it might not be the thing that I'm "meant" to do. This is the 3rd time I tried college btw. What are your thoughts and feelings when it comes to rocd?

owmybrainhurts

Date posted: 3y

Most of my thoughts center around ‘maybe im not meant to be with someone’ ‘how can i know this relationship is right for me/ the right choice’ ‘am i being held back by being in a relationship vs being alone’. They coincide with exsistential thoughts mainly about my life choices and what i should/shouldnt be doing. I just graduated college with an engineering degree but ironically, I was planning on working in forestry right after graduation because couldnt decide if i was making the right choice or not….haha

JLG323

Date posted: 3y

Well shit would you look at that lol. Are you with someone right now? That pretty much sums my thoughts up pretty well. I constantly dwell on me posiiboy being in denial and rocd being a constructed like I tell to myself.

owmybrainhurts

Date posted: 3y

Yes I am! Its been really tough, and therapy helped a lot, but its crazy how it still finds a way to affect me and invade my brain! What about you?

JLG323

Date posted: 3y

I am. I went through it for a year with my first kids mom before she left. I was with her for 4 years. She actually turned out to be truly toxic and had been lying to me for a long time so that makes it a little harder to buy the rocd thing. But I've been with my wife for almost 3 years now and I've going through basically the exact same thought patterns and feelings with her that I went through that last year with my ex. I told my wife about it before we committed to each other and she was and still is fully willing and prepared to be by my side through it all. I realize that the relationship I'm in is about as healthy and loving as a relationship should be but that doesn't stop the thoughts and the feelings. It makes sense that I had developed OCD with my last partner that was baseless while the relationship had red flags that I didn't even see because I was so wrapped up in my own little "what if" internal hell. Now the red flags don't exist in this relationship but the "what if" still persists

owmybrainhurts

Date posted: 3y

I went through a sinilar thing, Ive had ROCD in three relationships now, and its been the same cycle and similar feelings each time so I know its OCD patterned. Im also in the most supportive and perfect relationship now, but the thoughts still come. Thankfully my partner has also agreed to stick by me while I deal with this, and its been so tough on both of us, but very worth it. I’m just falling a bit back into a cycle again but my thoughts are more exsistential themed, since Ive worked through a fair amount of ROCD ERP. Its upsetting when the same feelings return even though you feel so much better with a new partner, so confusing, but I’m hoping to discuss with my therapist that I need more exsistential ERP to work through this bout of it.

AnnFon

Date posted: 18w

Existential/Anxiety OCD

This is my first post, so I apologize if the formatting is weird. I experience existential ocd I always struggled as a kid but learned more and more how to manage with school and such forcing me to learn how, now I experience a lot of overwhelming intrusions from when I wake up to when I go to bed (simply because I live and work in the same place it gets cabin feverish) but now more often going out maybe it’s just paranoia, I walk into a place and each person comes with a story immediately, every piece of trash on the floor, every piece of produce, each isle is a brand new way I could get into a life altering situation. I’ve managed well enough but sometimes I just completely lose my original objective and just leave or I’ll wanna leave my house but everything that goes with it and that could happen pops up and I just won’t go. It’s started to become avoidant behavior. Any help or similar stories? I just feel like I’m going crazy but my thoughts are so scattered and immediate it’s hard to break the habit and not spin a story. Thank yall!

ocdonedidily1

Date posted: 17w

Perfectionism OCD and rumination

There’s this one situation that I haven’t stopped thinking about from last night . So basically, I was reading 'The power of Now' which is a book that I love so much and really got me into spirituality. It’s been so helpful for my OCD and rumination but it’s also been pretty triggering for it as of late, so I’ve taken a long break from consistently reading it. The excerpt I read was about abundance and how its not about being bountiful, necessarily in material things but realizing and being grateful for the things that exist in your life now and in doing so, you will open yourself up to more good things. I understood it but I re-read it a lot because I didn't feel confident enough to explain it to someone else. but otherwise I LOVED IT. It made me feel so at peace, I agreed with it, and it gave me hope to start focusing on the good things in my life rather than the bad. So when I went to bed I rehearsed myself explaining it to someone on a podcast and then all these questions started flooding in like “why should I only focus on the good and aren't we supposed to accept the good and bad? Aren’t those the values of Buddha and spirituality” “Ya, we're supposed to accept the good and the bad but why?- so we can feel more good??? And isn't the point of OCD to not label things as good and bad? and why should I focus on the good- so I can feel good? why should I feel good? because I'm worthy of it? why am I worthy of it? because I'm a good person and do good things? well I’ve also done bad things so why shouldn't I consider that. I just don’t understand why I should feel good without it being selfish. And then this went on for like 2 or 3 hours. Like holy shit. I over explain these ideas and concepts that I resonate with to the point where they don't even make sense to me anymore. It becomes very existensial very quick. And I’m not suicidal but these questions make me feel hopeless in society for some reason?? And myself. Like if everything contradicts everything then what’s the point to life? If nothing can be understood or explained in a senseful way, then how do people move forward and make decisions, like AT ALL? There’s never a right or perfect answer and I feel like with any decision I make in regards, I’m doing a compulsion either way. If I don’t answer them, then I’m avoiding it and if I do then I’m checking and seeking reassurance. I’m sorry if this was way too long and over-explained I just need some advice or to know if anyone can relate in any way. Also, I’m sorry if some of those back-to-back questions were triggering.

iLounge21

Date posted: 15w

ERP for Existential OCD?

Been struggling with existential OCD lately. Very hard to describe the thoughts/feelings, but it is a constant feeling of being stuck in my head. Like what is consciousness and where do I think from? Like I think it’s OCD, maybe it is maybe it isn’t. But if it is, what would be good ERP exercises? Just existing (lol)? And what would be my response prevention? I’m not even sure what mental compulsions I may be doing.

Existential OCD

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Exsistential OCD?

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