OCD Frustrations (POCD)

Years ago I used to have a whole bunch of OCD themes that I worked through one by one in therapy, the worst being harm OCD and POCD. Harm OCD doesn’t bother me anymore, but somehow years later POCD is still an on and off thing that I deal with. It got worse when I was in a rut this past winter, but better when I upped my anxiety meds. I also had a therapist to talk to, that I can still reach out to if needed. She didn’t do ERT therapy, and to my knowledge wasn’t an OCD specialist, but she knew about OCD and how it worked and didn’t judge me, so it was nice to have someone to talk to about it. I feel the same right now where I just want to get this off my chest. I have tried to do ERT on my own, but I guess I haven’t been consistent enough with it because POCD keeps coming and going. I was trying to do ERT consistently on top of getting through my college semester, with mixed results, but then when I upped my anxiety meds I felt great and didn’t feel the need to keep doing it. And it’s been bothering me a bit but for the most part I’ve been doing great with just letting it be there, but then recently my anxiety spiked all the sudden and I’m not sure why. Maybe the stress of having an unexpected road trip I had to take or the fact that my job is starting soon? My job being a summer camp counselor, which I’ve been doing for years, which is ironic considering my OCD theme. I guess it’s because it attacks the things we care about most, which is probably the reason why this is the most difficult one that just hasn’t gone away. In past years I’ve been fine doing summer camp, it’s so busy I barely have time to think haha. When I’m busy, out in the sunshine, I’m perfectly fine, but it’s when I’m not doing anything and by myself that OCD bothers me. I’m sure a lot of you can relate. I think maybe I’ve been subconsciously worried about camp this year since I had an unexpected spike in my OCD over winter break? Not really sure but it’s just REALLY frustrating right now. I just want to focus on enjoying my summer and looking forward to camp. Since I’m feeling this spike all the sudden I plan to use the tools in this app to work on ERT. It also just helps to get this off my chest, and hopefully someone out there can relate to this and it will help them. I’m also just confused on my spike in anxiety, especially since I upped my meds? I take the max dose, 40 mg of citalopram. If you guys have tried medication, what have you taken and what has worked the best with OCD?

[Deleted]

Date posted: 3y

Comment deleted by user

Leaff

Date posted: 3y

Citalopram has honestly helped me a lot and I haven’t had any noticeable side effects. When I started taking it and when I upped the meds it took me at least a month before I started feeling the effects. It’s helped my anxiety to go down a LOT! Which is why I’ve been so confused by my anxiety spike 😅

Leaff

Date posted: 3y

Now that I think about it, maybe it does make me more tired?? I’ve been falling asleep a lot earlier when I could previously stay up really late. I take a few different meds at once and have been really busy so maybe I just didn’t notice? Hmm more to ask my doctor about lol

Cody Fournier

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 20w

OCD switches themes

I was just thinking about how OCD tries to be tricky and switches themes on us!! The amount of times I have said to myself in the past, IF ONLY I HAD THE OLDER THEME I USE TO WORRY ABOUT BECAUSE THIS NEW ONE IS SO MUCH WORSE!!! Has anyone ever experienced this before? Once I started ERP therapy, I began to really start understanding what mental/physical compulsions I was doing to really keep my OCD alive! While I did this, I would also tap into my self-compassion bucket, even when it felt like it was dry at times, because it was SO easy to judge myself for because of the sheer presence of my thoughts. I would also have the most self-compassion for myself for those taboo intrusive thoughts that really felt so strong, ego-dystonic and real!!! My OCD would hop around from theme to theme and just when I thought I figured it out (compulsion) it would hop again and make me discouraged! I noticed for me that once I really understood my compulsions, it didn't matter when the theme switched as I could tackle it at its core. If I was able to stay steadfast and resist compulsions the best I could, I started to notice that my CONFIDENCE increased in the long run! I also noticed that some of the core fears were the same for different OCD subtypes. OCD treatment is hard BUT living with OCD is harder. I have experienced subtypes including Harm OCD, ROCD, Moral Scrupulosity, Sensorimotor, Contamination, Perfectionism/Just Right, Hit and Run, Magical Thinking, Real Event/False Memory. ERP therapy allowed me to really work on stopping these compulsions and switching from theme to theme. I was fed up with what OCD took from me and I needed to do something about it. I talked to an ERP therapist and it was one of the best decisions of my life. If you are struggling, keep pushing and get the help you deserve!! You got this!!!

Medicine2021_

Date posted: 13w

Suicidal OCD and harm OCD

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

ocdnomore1

Date posted: 6w

How abou you?

I suffer since 10 - 15 yrs from specific fears. It was years that my OCD constantly wanted to be checked if I have HIV or not. I had a lot of sex and I thought this is normal. But I ruminated in my backhead about and was testing like 5 - 10 times a year. After the test I felt everytime so relieved. In Corona I was addicted to porn and even I lost control and was watching pretty hard stuff. I was chatting with a girl and we fantasized about really disturbing things. I never wanna meet her and for me was sure it's just kinda onlinestuff. I was in a relationship 3 years now. And I lost fear of HIV. But then came Morality OCD, Real Event (this chat) and after some times POCD. This combination was knocking me out, I felt like the badest person on earth. I did everything wrong and searched for relief and reassurance. It put me to the point of suicidal. I never ever hurting somebody, but my brain was making me a monster. I had to quit the relationship because I just couldn't give her what she deserved. I was in a clinic for 3 months. And we tested medication with ERP (before I took escitalopram for years). Anafranil was working first, then too many side-effects. I tried even without meds, but was so depressed. Now on sertralin for 5 weeks, but only 2 weeks on therapeutic dose 200mg. And wow, now I really feel so confused in the brain. I feel like how big my OCD became. The specific thoughts are not anymore, BUT it sticks on EVERYTHING atm. It's delusional how it feels in the brain. I really hope so deep my brain makes finally a reset and I need to wait it out. I could live with OCD for a long time but the last 1-2 yrs it took absolutely everything. I remark that POCD doesn't stick anymore like before but my brain is now constructing a very bad future because of past mistakes (that I all discussed with family, friends for relief over and over and over again). So it's like my OCD is now Real Event (The sexchat) again. Anyone was on the same point in life?

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OCD Frustrations (POCD)

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