It feels like whatever I do,it’s a project for me

Everyone is frustrating me at work and I’m about to crash out😭!! Maybe it’s how I grew up and have been gaslit a lot but does anyone ever feel like whatever they do they are in the “wrong?” I don’t know …my coworker made me feel like that. What’s wrong to her might not be wrong to me and vise versa. I just wanna scream and throw hands lol. I don’t know if anyone else feels like this. And they wanna have this conversation in front of customers and then I look like the “bad guy” 🙄. So over it. Workplace is toxic asf and I’m trying to find a new job but it seems impossible these days . I feel like I’m not the best at conversations on the spot. That’s why I keep quiet so ion look dumb, but both coworkers came up to me and approach me. I feel like I try and smile and nobody really smiles back. Or when I say thank you and go to places like ulta, all the girls are bitchy. It makes me think am I not smiling enough? Am I doing something wrong? Etc. Maybe it just the people I’m around . I just feel nothing but anger and I’m trying to calm down but I really just wanna go off

any of y’all feel like every single thing you say is some sort of manipulation. like you’re not genuine at all and everything you do is to get something out of something? the same with therapists too. i feel like ever since i was a kid i’ve manipulated my therapists in some way, like to look like the victim or so they’d think about me a certain way. like therapy could never help me cause i can’t tell when i’m lying or manipulating or whatever. i’ve seen someone mention something similar on here and just wanted to see what y’all thought!

I keep putting myself out there and trying things that are important to me like making would you rather youtube videos and videos about OCD but I keep failing. It’s like no one cares. I have felt like this my whole life. It’s so hard to keep trying but my non OCD brain is extremely optimistic so I keep going. I feel like it’s better to try and fail than never have tried but I also feel like maybe I’m wasting my time. Thoughts? But no reassurance. Thanks loves