i finally got a laptop so i can do online sessions and be able to look stuff up better nocd doesnt accept my insurance and im on ssi and get 560 a month and cant afford therapy im hopeing theyll accept my insurnace soon ive been looking for online docotrs that can prescribe me medications and help me find other ocd therapists to help me theres alot of mental health olaces round me but none that realy understand ocd they dont realy have time to tlk to you and i feel like they dont have the ability to prescribe medications properly if there not able to tlk to you and only prescribeing 1 antidepressant isnt gonna help as much as prescribeing a few for all your symptoms i struggle at nite i wake up alot cause i have anixety cause i dont want to get off my phone and stop watching tv i have alot of anxiety i have ocd and depression i was on medications wit no therapy cause i had no idea there was therapy for ocd and i was doing well for awhile then my ocd got triggered and i just was laying in the bed all day i was staying up late and still do i gained alot of weight which wouldnt matter to me if i was better but i wasnt so i was bigger for no reason i tried admitting myself into the mental hospital but they didnt understand ocd i keep my clothes in bags i wash my hands prior ot touching them and getting them out to do my dressing ritual everyday i chnage my cothes i lay my clothes out a certain way put them on a certain way i get out my deodorant and qtip and wash my hands everytime i touch something and i ou tmy hair up in a bun and use face pads on my face its all done a certain way like order and symmetry i wash my hand sget my clothes out i undress a certain then pu tmy clothes on a certain way then deodorant clean my ears then wash my hands then ahir up then face pads then wash hands again when i went to the hsopital they went threw all of my clothes i was crying telling them i cant have ppl touching them they dont allow qtips so my dressing ritual was being messed up i was gonna have a roommate and share a abthroom so id have to do my dressing ritual on the floor of the bathroom and take up the bathroom i cant wash my own hair cause it takes to long the process is just aggravateing its hard for me to shower and shave and pluck my eyebrows ive not worn makeup in along time and not straightned my hair its all hard i went to the hospital to get help but they couldnt accomodate my ocd and me being different and not being able to help wat i do witout getting help for it the doctor there told me they didnt have the resources to help me and refered me to a place in chicago for ocd but when i got home and did the over the phone call appointment they denied me cause my insurance can only be used in my state but there is no inpatient ocd place in my state theres 1 outpatient a few hours away but they dont take my insurance and i dont think i could make the drive im up late im tired i can barely take care of myself and get ready i live in tennessee i was told i could move to the state were theres an inpatient facility but i cant do that rite now i just want to find a doctor thatll listen prescribe me some medications so i can start to feel better anf maybe be able to drive to therapy if i can even find somewere thatll accept my insurance i have tenncare theres also a place in canada that accepts usa insurance as long as your insurnace will cover it they have like a year long program and online stuff the only thing that sucks is im on suboxene i started useing drugs when i got discharged from the hsopital that reffered me to that place in chicago and denied me and was on drugs for a few years on and off doing suboxene and alot of places wont allow you to be on drugs and be on suboxene.

I don’t know what I can do. I guess this is more of a depression thing than OCD but who knows. I have been battling this ongoing war within myself for years now and it’s been affecting my academic performance. situation of mine right now: I haven’t done a lot of work for my classes this month and I feel like I’m going to fail the semester again. I don’t know what it is but I can never seem to begin any work. I know I am capable but why can’t I get myself to start? why has this been going on for so long? I don’t understand. I have a history of good grades back in high school before I turned 17. I don’t even know how to describe it. it’s like I’ve been paralyzed and cannot do any work. but I can somehow do offside tasks like pinterest boards or random youtube videos. if I get rid of those, what do I do? I end up sleeping. because I’m tired. I have a low vitamin D deficiency & have been trying to get energy. I’m at a loss. I also bought unnecessary stuff on sunday when I went out with my family. I bought some things for the kids and I ended up buying myself a dress and a few accessories. now I have to work extra to gain that money back doing uber eats because I need it asap. it’s like I don’t want to work, for now. my coworkers who are around my age don’t work as much & I think to myself, “wow, they must be getting in the work done” meanwhile I’m working 3 days a week (which isn’t much) and attending school. I feel like if I change my schedule again, I’ll ruin it for the rest of my driver coworkers. I’m in a lead position at work so having to put on a mask is quite tiring. there’s so much I want to say that I don’t think it will fit in this post. I have booked a mental health session with a school counselor. all I want at the moment is to have my own place and be in a better mental state to take care of my cats. they mean a lot to me but this stupid ass undiagnosed mental issue is getting in the way. sorry for the long rant. I am tired.

I had to cancel my therapy because it was no longer available with my insurance. And I just kind of feel hopeless with OCD. Even when I was doing therapy, I think my OCD started getting too complicated for my therapist and she didn’t even know what to do. My fears are so complex it’s crazy. So my big fear is my OCD being bad and being super depressed again like I was a few months ago in high school. I attended a public highschool for a semester and started the worst flare up I’ve ever had. I was harshly bullied for no reason whatsoever, and not accepted by anyone. I am an athletic kid who usually keeps to himself so I didn’t understand why people targeted me, especially when I wanted nothing to do with them. From August to now ( March) I CANNOT grasp hold of my OCD. I am very hard on myself about it. Going into dangers anytime I see one so I can expose myself. But constantly obsessing about if I’m doing enough for my OCD. And comparing myself to how I use to be, before the flare ups. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep I’m obsessing about my OCD and if it’s bad and comparing. Another HUGE fear of mine is being treated differently because I have OCD. So being bullied for so long I always assumed it was because I was shy and didn’t want to stand up for myself - due to my OCD- so I blamed myself for everything that continued to happen, . from people bullying me in the past . The people at that highschool were downright crazy. Even the teachers and coaches had major issues and I’m so glad to be out of there, but I still obsess the same everyday and hold so much resentment for that school and when I try to let it go, I just feel more passive pain and obsess even more about it weather my ocd is okay or not. I feel mentally sick. Please someone give me some advice for my fears, because I feel like I’m doing everything in my power to expose myself to everything but nothings working.

17f There is a chanse I will get prescribed medication but it's implied that I will go to therapy too. But therapy in my country is very shitty. I'm absolutely not comfortable talking about my POCD there. I have other ocd themes, like checking, symmetry, moral ocd, troubles reading because of ocd and some other themes, but they are not that severe and they don't make me sui🔪idal (please don't flag my post, you will make it worse). Like I can deal with them, but real even ocd and pocd are absolutely insane and I need help, but I know I won't get it there. I'm thinking of moving to another country in the future if I will make it. But to function and stay alive I need meds, cause a lot fo times its extremely bad. So idk is it possible to just be on meds with no therapy