I just told my son in law how much it hurts me when he treats my daughter badly. I made sure I said it hurts me. Now I am worried I may have done it wrong. I go over and over conversations in my mind wanting reassurance . Realizing reassurance feeling is temporary and I am feeding my OCD. Is that what Exposure and Response Prevention is about?

I struggle with this daily so I understand. My obsession is “what if I said something wrong or imperfectly?” I’d say telling your son how you felt is exposure but because you’re reviewing your conversation in your mind, it actually wasn’t truly ERP. For ERP to work there has to be the “response prevention” part. It’s really, really hard I know. I still daily compulse over things I say and do. But essentially ERP would be saying something imperfectly and allowing the uncertainty to remain that you didn’t say it imperfectly while refraining from reviewing. Feeling the anxiety is key. It’s very hard work and one doesn’t just stop compulsing over night. It’s important that ERP is challenging but manageable. If you can’t afford therapy (like I can’t afford it anymore tbh) there are some helpful books out there. I like Jonathan Grayson’s “Freedom from Obsessive-Compulsive Disoder”. There are loads others too. The IOCDF website has a plethora of resources.

First, I applaud you for expressing yourself to your son-in-law. That is a difficult thing to do without OCD - add in OCD and it becomes more difficult. I hear you when you say that you worry you did not express yourself correctly - and that certainly sounds like OCD - you are seeking certainty that you expressed yourself correctly, and perhaps you did, and perhaps you did not - you cannot know for sure, and as much as it is difficult to hear, it is the truth. If I were doing ERP on this particular scenario, I would say that the important thing is that I expressed myself, I made myself heard, and I don't need to know if I did it "right" or "wrong" - and this is subjective to each person anyway - and that I am not going to entertain OCD to try and figure it out. The feelings have been expressed, whatever way is irrelevant and I am going to go on with my day. Having said that, it is not easy to do, but we can choose to compulse or not compulse. What we cannot choose is the intrusive thought - that is beyond our control. I hope this help you - also practice self-compassion and non-judgment toward yourself - you are human and you are the best version of you there is.

Thank You for your comments—very helpful. So it is okay to feel anxiety ??? I see that compulsion is a choice—it’s such a habit. It is all day with me. I need to deal with reality right?