Relationship question

18+ Has anyone else struggled with having romantic relationships due to your OCD? I am 20 and I haven’t kissed anyone or had sex with anyone because I’m too scared and believe I’m doing something morally wrong, I don’t judge or believe anyone else doing these things are bad people or anything but for me it feels like I’m a horrible disgusting person. I haven’t ever had a proper relationship which is something I really would like to have one day but I’m just so terrified that no one will be able to love me because I have so many issues and it’s so hard for me to trust and be able to express my sexuality. I want to talk to this about my therapist but I don’t even know how to bring it up, I’m so embarrassed to talk about sex or anything related to sex I know sex is not a bad thing but I just have so much shame when talking about it, it’s so hard for me to bring it up without worrying if I’m making people uncomfortable or if I’m doing something morally wrong. If anyone has any tips on what I can do to try and bring it up with my therapist please let me know, I really hate living like this I always shut everyone out as soon as they show any slight interest in me.

kiske

Date posted: 3y

3 years I waited to discuss this with my therapist mostly out of fear of judgement. Fwiw didn't meet an amazing person until I was 22 and had succumbed I would be single forever. When someone good is presented you will know and feel ok around them. There's no rush. It took time for me to realize sex was something I felt shame and guilt twords and I had enough that it needed to be discussed. It's not easy, or fun, embarrassed? Yeah! But she was so supportive and proud of my willingness to look at this shame with her on a human experience. You can do it when you're ready, and you might be surprised with the positivity that is returned.

geminileo

Date posted: 3y

Thank you so much :)

L_e_d

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

I was a very similar way. I didn’t have my first kiss until 23… I liked when people would be interested in me and then I’d shut it down the second it got too close to a relationship bc I was so scared that it wasn’t right or it would lead me down the wrong path. I also had religious OCD, which made me think someone would just be put in front of me and I’d know. Even when I’d try dating, I’d date a really good guy and still be constantly freaking out because it just didn’t feel right for some reason. I think deep down I just didn’t like them. I got to the point where i realized this was part of ocd and I was so fed up I had kept myself from getting experience with figuring out the type of guys I liked. One day I went to hang out with a guy friend of mine and I thought “maybe I could ask him to kiss me and just get it over with” lol. I know that sounds ridiculous but it’s exactly what I needed. I didn’t even really ask, we were just on the subject of relationships and I told him I’d never been kissed and he offered to. It was so average let me tell you lol. But it made me realize kissing someone literally changes NOTHING about who you are. I felt exactly the same afterwards as I did before haha. That actually open the door though for me to explore a relationship with someone else that I really liked— and kissing means a lot more in a relationship you like— but STILL. It does not sign you up for some bad life path or finer disaster or anything.

L_e_d

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

I also could never talk about sex with a therapist or anything, but after I went through the whole breaking-the-barrier on kissing thing, I thought about what my boundaries were for sex with someone I cared about, and a good friend of mine gave me great advice: When it’s your first time with kissing or sex or anything like that— make sure you feel like you have control. Like you are only doing what YOU want. After that it opens up the door for you two to explore together. But only do what you want and what makes you feel in control of the situation for your first few times.

L_e_d

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Once I finally became sexually active with someone that respected me and I cared deeply about— it was wonderful, and I realized… it also does not change anything about who you are. It’s a very very normal and good part of being human.

geminileo

Date posted: 3y

Thank you so much for sharing. It really gives me hope for the future and I hope that one day I can work towards experiencing these things because I truly want to more than anything

L_e_d

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Of course. Trust me, you are not alone. You are just as worthy to experience wonderful things about being a human as anyone else, and if you ever find that you don’t like something or it’s not for you, you can change your mind:) changing your mind can be a moment of growth, not failure

cmax20

Date posted: 23w

Religious OCD and romantic relationships

I have grown up in a Christian community and kind of always been around people who believe Christianity or even catholic. In the past few years I’ve really dove deep into my faith and honestly felt good about myself sometimes but overall terrified and like I’m a horrible person if I do one thing wrong or make a wrong sin. I’m also not sure if I completely believe in all the traditional Christian practices anymore. But I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 5 months and everything is going great. We communicate and he’s so loving and respectful and I honestly don’t have any major issues In the relationship. I used to have a big fear of men starting when I was like 7 aboit my grandpa or my dad trying to rape me (even though they are good men and showed no real signs of it). But it ruined my relationship with them both for awhile til it eventually went away. I always told myself it was because the “spirit” of ocd was rebuked by Jesus but I honestly don’t know. Now I’m dealing with a more extosential or religious ocd where I’m terrified I’m a horrible person for being in a relationship and almost feel worse about myself if I get closer to God. I also feel like if I get too close to God then I have to choose between Him and my bf and I can’t have both. It’s driving me in San and I feel like if I tell anyone any of this they’ll tell me to just break up with my bf even though there isn’t anything wrong in our relationship. Idk what to do and it’s so draining

ughhhh

Date posted: 23w

I feel gross interacting with adult content.

18+ people with this thread please. I just want some advice from people who have experienced this. Its been almost 2 years since my real event and i can confidently say that i feel a bit better about that and my thoughts. (We still have bad moments but we recover.) but, ever since then and before, i feel nasty and gross whenever i engage or interact with adult content. Like this nasty guilt or feeling like i cant interact with it because then my ocd says “this proves that your thoughts are true and your perverse” and after i always feel empty and disgusting. Besides things like that, i read adult fan fiction sometimes or even write stories for my original characters. And yesterday i shared these stories with a close in person friend of mine. (Were both in college) and they were fine about it we laughed about it but then after i felt guilty-my brain was telling me “you traumatized her she just doesn’t wanna tell you” obliviously this isn’t true but im having a hard time believing it and this morning i woke up with a deep dread that i hurt a friend and im horrible. I can say that they’re more positive about these things then me and i think thats why we got into the conversation and i felt comfortable to share these stories but i just can’t get over it. I have a strong urge to ask for reassurance but i know it wont help. I literally have no one else to talk to about this. Ive spoken to my therapist about this guilt with adult content and we have yet to expand on it especially how it goes hand in hand with my asexuality. My therapist tells me its human to feel things like this and its ok to perform self care like that and again-im a human person its usually normal for 19 year olds to be like this especially for someone my age but i dont feel normal. I feel nasty. Does anyone else feel this way? How did you confront this guilt and how did you feel comfortable again interacting with these feelings and actions again? I dont really have a desire to do s*xual things often (im on the asexual spectrum) but when i do i dont want to feel like this. Especially when my ocd types effect it. Advice is needed and appreciated thank you for your help.

idkwhatusern...

Date posted: 17w

I’m questioning sexuality even though I’m young

Sort of a rant that probably sounds stupid and I’m kind of seeking reassurance… I’m still a relatively young teenager so I know I’ve got time to work all this out but I’m really confused about my sexuality. (I’m a girl) I’ve never been in a relationship (I don’t know if I want to be which is why I’m writing this) and sometimes I feel like I’ve never really had a crush and I just convinced myself that I did because I wanted to feel normal… but then maybe that’s false memory ocd??? I don’t really want to be in a long term relationship with a guy and idk about girls but idk if that’s just cos of my age??? Some days I hate the idea of ever dating, marrying or doing anything sexual. Other days I wish my mental / physical health was better so I could date someone! Everything I feel goes up and down a lot and idk why!? I have bad sexual intrusive thoughts that make me unsure whether anything that I think is real and my parents recently split up after not getting along for a few years. I don’t know if it’s my age, my ocd, my parents bad relationship, my sexuality (am I attracted to guys, girls? Am I ace!!!!???) Or something else but I have no idea who I am and I KNOW I’m young and have time but some other perspectives might help???? Can I ever be in a relationship if I have ocd like this? Also I’m really struggling not to compulsively seek reassurance and I don’t know who to talk to about all this irl I know I probably shouldn’t share this with random strangers but also idek if I care anymore 😭

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