Sometimes I feel as if I want to act on these thoughts and I will one day because I won’t be able to handle my thoughts and I’ll go insane and hurt myself. right now I feel a lot of pressure in my head and stress and anxiety along with some depression because I can’t seem to find the fun in things anymore also any type of semi stressful situation I go through on a day to day basis is 10x worse after getting this thought I’ve been dealing with this thought that I might not be able to handle my ocd thoughts and compulsions for years and years to come and one day I’ll snap and the last few days I’ve been feeling so down that I’m scared that I’ll act on them and I’ve had this thought for about two weeks now and before that I use to be fine i don’t know what happened I really just want to go back to how I was feeling two weeks ago I honestly don’t know why I got this thought and why it’s stuck in my head now and I can’t seem to shake it off I feel like walls are just crumbling in on me slowly and I can’t seem to get out of it I just keep wishing I went back to my normal self literally two 2-3 weeks ago I just don’t know what might have happened I know I was dealing with a great amount of stress before I got this thought so maybe it was building up to this one thought that I had two weeks ago. I usually am able to shake some of my ocd thoughts off and disregard them and continue about my day but this one thought got me into a hyperventilating state when I got it two weeks ago and it caused me to panic so much because it was such a bad thought that I can’t get rid of it now i feel as if I’m in a episode and Ill never get out of it and I’ll be stuck like this forever and I can’t feel like this because how should any human feel this type of way forever it’s impossible and then I might snap one day because I can’t take it anymore it just scares me I want to go back to my old self a few weeks ago

At this point I’m pretty sure I’m psychotic. I have intrusive thoughts all day long of me doing a bunch of things that I never and will never do. Images of me poking out my own eyes in all sorts of other horrific things that will have to do with self mutilation. These images have been haunting me for two years with the persisting fear that I will act out on these things one day despite me never wanting to do so. Now on top of these thoughts I am dealing with something else. I keep thinking about the fact that there’s no escape from life other than death and it makes me feel scared and trapped. I can’t stop thinking about this that there’s no escape. It’s scaring me. I want to live I have no desire to die but once I get the intrusive thought about not being able to escape this life is scaring me. I believe I’m going through depersonalization because nothing feels right my surroundings feel unfamiliar I feel unfamiliar. I feel like an alien in a place that seems unknown to me. This all started after I had a panic attack in the shower three weeks ago over my intrusive harm thoughts and in the moment I actually thought that my life was over and that I was about to act out on it but of course I didn’t because it’s just a thought and an obsessive fear. Something I would never do but it felt so real in that momentI almost passed out from the fear. The day after that I felt like nothing was real and I’m still in depersonalization and having panic attacks on the regular but today I got that thought about not being able to escape life and how we’re basically all trapped here. I can’t stop thinking it and it’s making me feel sick. Maybe if I Felt more connected to myself and my surroundings stuff like this wouldn’t bother me but that panic attack destroyed me. Does this sound like OCD or something else?I was completely normal and fine three weeks ago yes I had my intrusive thoughts but they weren’t scaring me or controlling me like they are now.

I’m so sick of my mind it’s so cruel, I want to feel happy again I’m so over this. The past 3 weeks I have been stressing over multiple things/mental issues. At first I remember I saw a video about someone saying if u see shadows you have schizophrenia and I didn’t see shadows but I went into a freak out and started searching around looking if I saw anything of course I didn’t but this led me to feel paranoid and not leave my room sitting and crying in bed, then I worried about how I saw a video on the internet about how some people go mental over the fact the world might not exist and everyone might be a figment of our imagination so I went into a spiral and started questioning everything, once again stayed in my room crying. Then I worried about harm ocd since I had a scary dream and I thought omg what if I wanna do those things and my mind tries to think about bad peoples perspectives and of course I felt grossed out and thought omg I must be insane, and now then I worried about DID ( dissociative identity disorder ) and now I’m convincing myself I have evil alters when I don’t even hear voices or anything. I feel insane, I’ve also got depersonalisation to add to that which makes it worse. I’m so over it I’m sick of everyone saying I’m going to get better because I don’t feel like I will it’s just getting worse I’m only young and I had so many things I was looking too this year but I feel like my mind just wants me to be miserable. I want to be happy. I’ve been taking Effexor for 2 days now and I feel worse, that may be normal but the intrusive thoughts keep coming and they are scarier. Im sick of being paranoid it’s annoying my family now and I feel bad because I also want to happy for them and not cause them stress but I have no idea what to do. Is this normal with ocd or am I going insane?

Ive gotten over some bad ocd episodes that have lasted months and months and i was so so happy when i realized it was achievable to overcome such an illness,but this time around it feels different i thought i had gone through everything but no theres always more,theres always the next intrusive thought,my intrusive thought this time that got me back in the dark ocd hole was,”what if i just stopped thinking”,it sounds so stupid and i didnt pay it much mind at first but then it popped back into my head and it told me “but what if everytime im about to think about something,i realize it and stop thinking about what i was thinking about.”this has made me feel so alienated in life,life feels grey and dull ive never had a thought stick around for so long its been 3 months and i havent heard anyone have anything similar too this i wake up every day scared of whag else my mind can bring to me to torment me and its so depressing in here.i cry a lot now thinking about the old me i used to be when i was happy and ocd free but I genuinely dont think i can live like this for long.Sorry for writing a whole essay but its the only way i could express what im feeling right now plz say something below.