- Date posted
- 2y ago
- Date posted
- 2y ago
I put to much emphasis on it and torture myself with these thought rather than just accepting them and learning to live with them I’ve been seeing my specialists for about a week now and I’ve learned some new things but I keep up with the what ifs and the counter thoughts when people reassure me I’m okay because I keep thinking to myself they don’t know what’s going inside my head there not me they don’t feel what I feel and they just want to say that to say that and it scares me a similar thought like this happened to me two years ago and it crippled me even more then it did this time but I got over it after two months and I was fine for two years and now I’m back with the same thing and it sucks because I should of stuck with my meds and treatment but I figured I was fine and didn’t need it anymore and here we are again it just sucks I need to get out of this feeling
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Is it more of a fear rather than a want? because I feel as if it will happen one day I keep asking people for reassurance that I won’t
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Im going through the exact same thing right now, but we will get through it. A few days ago I woke up after severe stress episodes and I just felt out of touch with everything. Reality emotions and then I thought about harming myself and my anxiety sky rocketed. Im now in a state where I don’t know what to think, everytime i talk to people I just feel so out of touch and like it’s not really happening. I have a few good hours but the rest are bad and when I’m in these episodes I just want to sleep and cry. My anxiety initially started a few months ago but I’m happy to say I start therapy tommarow. I’m trying to keep up hope because i know I’m not completely gone, I still feel happy at times. When I go through these episodes I completely forget about the happiness and I feel this heavy stress on my head. My head feels like it’s going to explode and my body feels so weak. Today I managed to get up and eat which was hard for me and I sat under the sun. It was peaceful and gave me hope, please have hope. I know it’s hard but please don’t give up.
- Date posted
- 2y ago
It makes me feel better to know someone understands and can relate to my situation I feel pretty much the same as you also Im really happy that your starting therapy it will help a lot we will get better and we will laugh about these things one day because right now it feels so real but we’re gonna reflect on how this made us stronger mentally and we will be able to help others going through this as well we’ve hit a small bump in the road but we’re getting back up and continuing with our journey it’s a process and we take it one day at a time
- Date posted
- 2y ago
@Zach C we will, I think that’s the thing that gives me most hope. It’s just so weird rn because when I have harm ocd I think of shutting down and I don’t think about others around me which makes me feel guilty. Like my mom and stuff, I feel like I should think about them instead of myself to feel better. I definitely agree that it’s a journey & if you need someone to reach out to I’m here ! 💕 are you starting therapy as well?
- Date posted
- 2y ago
I'm also afraid il loose control its horrible I get u but I have suffered with this for many years and still haven't went insane I just have pure terror in my body 24.7 it's awful im sorry your going trough this 💔
- Date posted
- 2y ago
I understand the feeling of wanting the thoughts to go away. I get thoughts about harming my family members and it’s extremely scary for me. I just want the thoughts to go away and feel happy. Some days my thoughts completely consume me and they take over and it’s terrifying. I use medication to cope but sometimes it feels like even that’s not enough. Glad to know someone else is going through a similar thing. It makes me feel not so alone.
- Date posted
- 2y ago
this is literally EXACTLY what i’m going through right now and it really helped me knowing i’m not alone. it’s so scary and i just want to go back to my normal self too
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y ago
I have been there. I get it. Go through ERP for this. Seriously, it changes things
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w ago
I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"
- Date posted
- 19w ago
I feel like there’s no way out of this. everyday i’m anxious and depressed from these thoughts. i feel like i have to constantly question if it’s OCD or not. the panic attacks are insane and i freak out. and a compulsion i have is looking eveything up on the internet when im stressing to know that it’s just my OCD and im not in danger. but looking things up add on to my thoughts and i start thinking “what if” actual suidcal people think. do others with this theme whenever they do something like if im taking a picture it’ll be like “yeah you look happy people will wonder what happened when your gone” LIKE i DO NOT want to end my life. or even as simple as cleaning my room, “yup keep it clean so when your family goes through your stuff” then i panic and can’t even do anything. those thoughts distress me so bad. i’ll sit there and think how good my life is or when im having a good day my thoughts will be like “NOPEEE what if your just saying that to convince yourself” it never shuts up and genuinely makes me think i have SI or something. i hope this reaches the right people just to know im not alone. Even when i do get better in the back of my mind it’s always “people who want to are the same a day before too” im genuinely scared and im scared one day im going to just snap and do it because its “too much” do i need to go to a mental hospital! i feel insane.
- Date posted
- 15w ago
My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.
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