- Date posted
- 3y
Who am I?
Anyone else feel like ocd robs you of your sanity and tries to convince you the lie is a truth that you are just avoiding … making it feel so real? Xx
Anyone else feel like ocd robs you of your sanity and tries to convince you the lie is a truth that you are just avoiding … making it feel so real? Xx
YES. Dealing with it today. It’s like I’m in a constant identity issue. It’s been hard to pick a career and feel grounded in life. I also also ask myself if I’m a good person or a bad person and obsess about that too. I think in general it just feels harder to exist with this disorder. You got this. Remember we are in it together!
Thank you xx
Also always *
What is the lie to you?
This will sound mad but basically Iv always had ocd it started as a teen with harm ocd and then settled … few years later after life changes I had a panic attack and had a random thought …‘I don’t feel like me , who am I? ‘ … cue the rumination… my ocd then told me ‘what if I am someone else trapped in this body or in a dream or someone else’s dream ‘ …. My ocd then makes me feel that way trapped lost scared. All the time I know deep down I’m me and I don’t act differently but the ‘lie’ gets stronger and stronger like it wants me to constantly panic . I feel foreign to myself - sounds fkin ridiculous that’s what makes it so worse xx
Sounds mad right?
I also have huge fear of schiz
Omg girl we need to talk ! My fear of developing schizophrenia was so bad at one point I couldn’t even function. I wrote a paper on it in college and started obsessing over it. My biggest fear is losing control of my body or losing touch with reality and hurting myself/others. I’m in ERP right now for it. My fear of skitz is in almost every ocd theme. I almost had to start making a “joke” about being a skitz to conquer it. I’ve had this fear since 18. I’m 30 now. Still not skitz so I doubt you’ll be one either. I used to sit around and anticipate my first “hallucination” or “voices”. I legit one time was upstairs at my parents house thinking I was hearing voices and had a full blown panic attack. I walked downstairs in middle of the night. Turns out the sounds I was hearing was the tv. My dad couldn’t sleep so he turned it on. I really knew then it was OCD and not true skitz. I laughed at myself. You have to eventually learn to laugh at it in a way and it won’t have as much control over you. Ocd sucks. But you got this. Hang in there! If you haven’t done ERP therapy for it I’d consider it. It’s uncomfortable at first but it gets better.
@hfair121691 How can I private message you I’m new to this thing … ye it’s like I know that shiz person wouldn’t question if they were someone else so my ocd then makes me feel like someone else and think ‘ I am someone else ‘ not ‘what if I’m someone else ‘ …. That make sense . It’s like my brain wants me to be in constant fear ? Make sense ? C
Is this question reassurance seeking, though?
I don’t think so as I’m not asking anyone to confirm I’m not trapped etc? Oh I don’t know I feel so jumbled x
@loo2367 No, i get that! Totes understand. But think about it: you don’t have to ask if you’re trapped or not to be asking if you’re trapped or not. But if someone else who has ROCD says yes, I too fell the way you feel because of my ROCD, then they’re indirectly confirming that how you’re feeling is in fact the result of ROCD, which would *reassure* you that your relationship is A-OK.
@Emermemer Get you …aaaargh it’s all so hard .
@Emermemer I just feel like my ocd theme is so strong and different to others x
@loo2367 That totally resonates with me. I feel like ROCD is extra challenging because whatever you need to face is entirely in your mind. So no one can see it but you.
@Emermemer Ye cos only I would know if I was trapped - it’s just awful. It’s more the feelings of it being true that crucify me x
@loo2367 Hang in there.
I dont know what to do anymore. I think Ive had the 'pure O' version of OCD for more than ten years. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted from this disease. For the longest time I just tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, and push them off as anxiety, and basically dissociated for years of my life. Feels like Ive just been on autopilot and a shell of myself for nearly 15 years. Its actually hard to even imagine of all the experiences, emotions, connections with others, and personal growth that Ive missed out on- if I do, I think it would be too much to handle. I think Ive even forgot and dont even know at this point what it is to live a normal life and experience positive emotions. Now that I sought treatment for it specifically, it feels like it's gotten worse. Like by acknowledging that part of myself, suddenly added focus just makes it more real and in the forefront now. I wonder if I am actually going insane. Will not go into details for reassurance but the thoughts just rip my soul out. Its so difficult as well because I will get random 'clarity moments' throughout the day where I feel like Ive solved something, then get completely derailed by another OCD thought stream and forget everything. It feels like Im just on a merry-go-round of hell, not going anywhere thinking I am at times.
I suffer from religious ocd. My only goal in life is to live in God's will and to serve Him - to live and enjoy His eternal purposes & His presence. Jesus Christ is my life. That is my only desire on this earth, this short trip into eternity, and it's being stripped by ocd thoughts and intrusive thoughts 24-7. I have read many times that ocd can 'feel real', and this is true, our minds lie to us because of fear and anxiety we can't and were never meant to carry. I have begged and tormented myself in every way to find an answer from God. I think His answer may be that this is OCD, but I'm not sure. I started therapy again because I am so exhausted and this had stolen so much of my life in a spiral of negativity, depression, and constant anxiety & intrusive thoughts. I have spent about 2 years trying to figure out if my thoughts are real or not, especially with ocd it can deceive so easily as a spiritual matter when in reality it is just a thought, which is confusing and scary to say the least. Can anyone share their experiences with this sensation? No matter what the theme is... Thank you & Praying for your comfort
Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢
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