Who am I?

Thank you xx

This will sound mad but basically Iv always had ocd it started as a teen with harm ocd and then settled … few years later after life changes I had a panic attack and had a random thought …‘I don’t feel like me , who am I? ‘ … cue the rumination… my ocd then told me ‘what if I am someone else trapped in this body or in a dream or someone else’s dream ‘ …. My ocd then makes me feel that way trapped lost scared. All the time I know deep down I’m me and I don’t act differently but the ‘lie’ gets stronger and stronger like it wants me to constantly panic . I feel foreign to myself - sounds fkin ridiculous that’s what makes it so worse xx

Sounds mad right?

Omg girl we need to talk ! My fear of developing schizophrenia was so bad at one point I couldn’t even function. I wrote a paper on it in college and started obsessing over it. My biggest fear is losing control of my body or losing touch with reality and hurting myself/others. I’m in ERP right now for it. My fear of skitz is in almost every ocd theme. I almost had to start making a “joke” about being a skitz to conquer it. I’ve had this fear since 18. I’m 30 now. Still not skitz so I doubt you’ll be one either. I used to sit around and anticipate my first “hallucination” or “voices”. I legit one time was upstairs at my parents house thinking I was hearing voices and had a full blown panic attack. I walked downstairs in middle of the night. Turns out the sounds I was hearing was the tv. My dad couldn’t sleep so he turned it on. I really knew then it was OCD and not true skitz. I laughed at myself. You have to eventually learn to laugh at it in a way and it won’t have as much control over you. Ocd sucks. But you got this. Hang in there! If you haven’t done ERP therapy for it I’d consider it. It’s uncomfortable at first but it gets better.

@hfair121691 How can I private message you I’m new to this thing … ye it’s like I know that shiz person wouldn’t question if they were someone else so my ocd then makes me feel like someone else and think ‘ I am someone else ‘ not ‘what if I’m someone else ‘ …. That make sense . It’s like my brain wants me to be in constant fear ? Make sense ? C

I don’t think so as I’m not asking anyone to confirm I’m not trapped etc? Oh I don’t know I feel so jumbled x

@loo2367 No, i get that! Totes understand. But think about it: you don’t have to ask if you’re trapped or not to be asking if you’re trapped or not. But if someone else who has ROCD says yes, I too fell the way you feel because of my ROCD, then they’re indirectly confirming that how you’re feeling is in fact the result of ROCD, which would *reassure* you that your relationship is A-OK.

@Emermemer Get you …aaaargh it’s all so hard .

@Emermemer I just feel like my ocd theme is so strong and different to others x

@loo2367 That totally resonates with me. I feel like ROCD is extra challenging because whatever you need to face is entirely in your mind. So no one can see it but you.

@Emermemer Ye cos only I would know if I was trapped - it’s just awful. It’s more the feelings of it being true that crucify me x

@loo2367 Hang in there.