- Date posted
- 3y
ROCD is back at it again
I do not even know what’s going on in my head at the moment everything feels so busy up there I can’t even think straight. I’ve struggled with ROCD for my entire relationship. It’s switched around from being linked to SOOCD and just simply thinking I’ve lost feelings for my partner. He is great and the kindest person but I’m struggling to feel any connection when I’m so concerned with my OCD. I can’t remember the last day it didn’t ruin. What’s making it worse is he works a very demanding job where he travels and works long hours often across weekends too. I was made redundant and am job hunting atm meaning I have so much time with myself and my thoughts. 💔 it’s difficult spending so little time together, and when we do he’s exhausted and I’m an anxious mess. I speak openly with him about this but frame it in a more hypothetical way, I.e I’m scared I will lose feelings, rather than that I literally feel like I have lost feelings. Im really scared because as always it feels so real and I haven’t had much clarity recently. I also feel as if I’ve taken on such a caring role in our relationship, looking after him more so than he does me. I’ve always done this and it’s not something I complain about but I’ve got it in my head that I love him like I love my family or friends rather than in a romantic way. This thought is really bothering me at the moment as our intimacy has suffered due to my meds & his schedule. I’m so scared I’m experiencing another case of platonic love & that I’m just leading him on. I know my ocd mainly stems from me believing I’m a shitty person but I just want to be present and enjoy life. I’m just so confused.