It's so real.

@Anonnymous I was last year, it didn't help me much

@Scooterino Im still in therapy, just not OCD therapy atm

@Anonnymous There's nothing for me to expose myself to that I haven't already done. I live in a constant state of exposure. Exposure response therapy straight up does not work for me. I gave it a full 8 months of intense work and it did nothing

@Anonnymous I have had lots of moments where my relationship with my fiance was incredible, and I love him so much. I never want to give him up. Medications also did not work for me- they made me very physically ill. Although I know they work great for a lot of people!

@Scooterino I think you might be in constant rumination which feels like exposures 24/7. Rumination is a compulsion. Try to limit it

@OCD33 I don't think it's rumination only because I've experienced rumination with my TOCD and it doesn't feel anything like it. I have no fear of being gay... I self identify as bisexual. What I don't want is to be a lesbian and be mistaken in my attraction to men.

@Anonnymous Thank you ❤️

@Scooterino Okay. I’m sorry for misunderstanding. Ocd is the doubting disorder. Go towards your values and what you want. You can do this!

@Scooterino Sorry if I'm coming off as rude, I'm not trying to. Im just exhausted. I've been dealing with this now for well over a decade on and off and I wonder if it's time to just give up and assume it's not really OCD.

@Scooterino Thank you for your comments, I can tell you have the best of intentions for helping others

@Scooterino Okay so it’s been over a decade and have you acted on these thoughts?

@OCD33 If it was really something you wanted- you would act on it.

@Anonnymous I read the Comphet late bloomer lesbian master document, and did several exposures to men I thought I found attractive. In the moment I was fine, but in the long run it just made me more worried and reassurance seeking. Did you find it helpful? Have you had any success? I'd love to hear good news ☺️

@OCD33 I haven't acted on them, but I've thought about it. They always felt intrusive and bad, but also caused groinals arousal and nervousness... I could never tell if the sensation that it was bad was internalized mysoginy

@Anonnymous That's nice, that it worked for you. I'm always glad to hear that it does. I think my therapist wasn't right for me, and we didn't communicate well. It might be why it didn't work. I'm afraid that if I acted on it, I'd like it and confirm my fears. And I don't want to live without my fiance- we're planning an incredible life together. If only these violent sexual intrusive thoughts would stop...

@Scooterino I just want you to know that I’m getting married in 2 short months. My engagement has been very triggering but I’m not going to let ocd take this away from me.

It must get better. Good for you for staying with your husband! Have you talked to him about it at all?

@Anonnymous Quick question for me?

@Anonnymous Sometimes, but not often.

@Anonnymous No it's okay! I'm having a rough time, too- we'll get through it together!

@Anonnymous Right?! I'd be happy to like both, I just don't want to feel like my attraction to men is invalid. Tell me, did you use nudes to seek reassurance/confirmation of your attraction to men? I think I don't find that attractive anymore because I used to use it to reassure.

@Anonnymous Yeah, I'm worried I'll lose attraction the more I seek reassurance from sex. Ugh.

@Anonnymous Same! We love our husbands. It's gonna be okay!

I also tell my fiance everything - we're talking about it right now, even. He is so incredibly understanding. I'm glad you have a good support too!

@Scooterino That’s so good to hear. It’s so important to have support especially from our partners. I just started meds and the first few days were actually a huge improvement but now i seem to be ralapsing idk this is just such a monster. All i want is to be happy with my husband.Those ocd free moments are such gifts, but it’s so easy to forget them when ocd rears it’s ugly head time and time again. I’m sending you all the wonderful thoughts that this gets better for you.

@Anonymous888888! Thank you! I'm keeping you in my thoughts as well as you try out the meds! I hope they help in the long run.

Ohh it's a massive pain in the arse. I'm going through the exact same period mixed in with depression, it's like all I want is to come back to how I was before this hit, I know it will but it just takes a little time. so for example 2 months ago I was sacred just walking into a grocery store now that's gone, 3 months ago I was too scared to watch the movie the Northman ( I love Vikings history and it was so frustrating because this hit like a month before it came out) now I can watch it. We have to chip away at the little things and look back and go ohh wow two months ago I couldn't do that.

@Lukej91 It's true! Like I said earlier in the thread- I live in exposure. A lot of my friends are gay, and I even consider myself bisexual. I didn't mute any social media during Pride month. I'm incredibly blessed to be able to function and face the world- it was much worse with my other theme. But my brain keeps dumping new information and trying to prove that I'm not bisexual I'm actually just gay, and I've never been truly attracted to men. The idea of it breaks my heart and keeps giving me panic attacks. I'm engaged! To a man!

@Scooterino Ohh sorry hope I didn't offend you , I didn't see the information above. Yeah that's good. The first time I went through this I met a gay guy who had a fear of going straight. It's really strange and bizarre how our OCD brains can operate at Times

@Lukej91 Oh you didn't offend at all! ☺️ I had Trans OCD as well, and I met someone on here who WAS Trans and afraid they might be cisgendered. OCD is a helluva drug!