- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Please read this and respond.
I’ve been even more confused now, let me explain. Before as a compulsion i would read Reddit posts to get reassurance. In most of them i would read that gay people aren’t scared of being gay or liking the same sex . Instead they’re more scared of people finding out or not being accepted. Now when i first read those posts I’d feel relief, like hey Jai you’re scared of being gay so you’re probably not. I remember the first week when hocd hit me i was basically depressed and crying that I’m gay. As time went on and the power of the thoughts became less since they were the same thing trying to show me proof of being gay . I kept on ignoring them no matter how sad they made me feel. Now it’s basically used my compulsions against me. It’s concluded that I’m gay and i need to focus on coming out, just like they said in the article, any time i went soft , or couldn’t get it up, failed relationships, not feeling as stressed as before all against me. So all this has made me feel like I’m in denial, everything I’ve ever done with a woman, my entire life has been a lie. If i don’t feel as sad as before that’ll be proof that i am what i fear, as of right now i feel depressed about it. When i talk to people ofc i smile and talk somewhat normally. Ocd has completely altered my personality. Even when i go on dates I’d ask the woman are you okay with dating someone bi? They’d say sure they don’t care. And I’d get relief for maybe a day and then boom right back into again. I don’t feel good about any of this. I can’t even tell if it’s hocd anymore, i certainly don’t feel good about any of this, getting groinal responses to these thoughts, or having a dream about it, it’s all so embarrassing, little to no positive emotions attached to any of this . Lastly I’m doing erp but things are getting worse. I can’t tell if i have false attraction or real attraction. I’ve lost libido, when i see a good looking woman i feel nothing, when i go on dates i feel nothing I’m sure the mental block of going limp has something to do with this too, but gosh i was i was just normal again.