- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes I say I am ok, but really paralyzed with fear. I have things I need to clean, but it is so hard to do those things I see as contaminated because it frightens me. But it scares me to even have these dirty areas in my house.
- Date posted
- 3y
can’t lie tho. I go many days at a time just sitting on my couch crying & feeling paralyzed. I just can’t win with this
- Date posted
- 3y
I'm the same way Vicious. I dont have people over and can spend hours just doing a few things because of how long it takes to do it right. I sometimes stand just thinking about how I will go about what I need to do in an order that doesnt contaminate something else. But there is always something that needs to be cleaned because I was in the area. Today I did pretty good though. I read more about ERP and got myself to allow myself to do these things and not be as freaked out at least.
- Date posted
- 3y
Way to go Pigpen, congrats on your good day! ERP is not easy, but super beneficial. I’ve been working with it for about a month now. Let me tell ya, it has been a process. I can’t tell you how much I’ve cried over looking at an unclean thing, but I have been making noticeable improvement. I have both good days and set backs, but a slip is not a slide. I’m still wrapping my head around that there are other people in the world that have difficulties like mine. Reading peopes thoughts and messages here has been an awesome boost too!
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m a compulsive cleaner that looks like I have my shit together. I can spend several hours cleaning and disinfecting the floors and still not be content. I frequently cry in the shower to muffle my meltdowns. I feel guilty about my condition, but would feel even worse if someone notices. I have no friends or people over to my house, yet I still feel the need to hide myself this way.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thanks! I'm trying to find someone to accept my insurance. Hopefully nocd will at some point but they dont. I feel like I am alone when I see people going about their day when I'm driving miles to go to a store I feel isnt contaminated like the ones close to me. Even my sons school. He wanted to go to a different one and I was happy because the one he is zoned for would make me panic every day and spend hours cleaning which I already do anyway. Now I am trying to get myself to at least be ok with the thought of places and things. Glad someone can relate to what I go through. Noone even knows how much this affects my life.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
i’ve unfortunately fallen into the cycle of trying to figure out my thoughts and find answers as to why i feel so distressed. this still pertains to the situation regarding changing my room for those reading who have seen my multiple posts over the last few days. i’ve been so distressed and in so much panic about it. i’m also panicking over my other room looking so different from when i left it. it’s been making me feel crazy because to me there’s no reason for my anxiety to latch so hard onto something that seems so minuscule. i was thinking i was having anxiety over change, but it’s like symptoms of ocd too that’s making it really hard for me to let go. SO i started thinking maybe it was perfectionism ocd? i’ve realized over time that i do compulsions to where things have to feel “just right”, but i also do that with any environment i’m in. like it HAS to feel cozy to me and provide me comfort in order for me to feel at ease. and this change is causing me to panic because there’s something wrong that i can’t find an answer to. maybe the different colored carpet? but it’s also more than that it feels like. however, now it’s spreading into other areas of my house where i’ve always been fine in and possibly to just any area i’m in at all. hence why it’s making me feel crazy because there’s no reason for me to be THIS distressed over that as i’ve never really had this problem before. and when i did it would last maybe an hour to a couple of days at most, but this has been going for over 2 weeks with my really bad anxiety being this week. i’m doing a little better, but it’s still hard when i can feel that panic waiting for me to acknowledge and just engulf me in the ocd cycle. i’m also analyzing basically any feeling i have so i just feel off in general and like i’m going insane. i’ve been so hyper focused on how i feel and that will send me spiraling too. multiple themes then start coming in like existential ocd and fear of solipsism. not to mention my harm and contamination ocd that just adds on when i’m this vulnerable. then i worry if no one is real, then no one feels the way i do. or just in general that what if no one feels the way i do. honestly, i think being out of college and in my house with nothing to do is causing me too much time with my thoughts. which is why i’m so distressed about everything that pops into my brain.
- Date posted
- 20w
Hey, so idk if I have ocd, I would like to think I’m a very self aware person but I don’t wanna self diagnose at all, lmk what you guys think. So pretty much my whole life since I was young I remember having irrational fears im sure it was all trauma induced but when I was a kid I thought my father was poisoning me until I asked him, he started crying and was so shocked that I could ever even think that, my parents broke up when I was legit fresh out the womb, mom worked two jobs and disciplined me, dad let me do whatever on the weekends and got me snacks so I was obsessed with him so obsessed that it was mandatory for me to kiss his picture 20x everyday before school. Growing up I always felt followed by cameras or like someone out there was recording me waiting for me to do something embarrassing to expose me in front of the whole world and my life was over 🤣🤣 I thought my abusive ex bf was stalking me through my I phone camera after we broke up and it would truly stress me out, it made me believe that it was the reason he never reached out again bc I probably looked ugly in the camera he was stalking me through. If I fall out with a friend Ill over analyze everything to see if I did anything wrong and god forbid while I’m self reflecting I realize I did something wrong I feel like an evil person, verbatim the people I fall out with is bc they’ve done me wrong in some way and it has to b something hurtful or repeated mistakes for me to really stay away for good, so I’ll beat myself up for making mistakes with another person who’s made the same amount of mistakes if not more and in most cases I always fall short, and this when I question if it’s ocd or I’m just to self aware and see the ugly in me bc I’m not perfect and it’s just makes me feel so unsettled but again that’s a normal feeling and the next step is to forgive yourself and do better moving forward, not obsess over it like your trying to convince yourself you’re a good person. I’m also hot tempered and will say hurtful things when I’m mad I’m definitely a crash out in the way, you push my bottoms way too many times and I will shred you, and I’ll say things ik will hurt you and that’s just so low, then the anger goes away and I have to face the guilt, which makes my “ocd” 100x worse, it almost feels like I have to do everything right to not trigger it yet again I don’t have the self control to do it all right, I actually have a lot bpd tendencies again not diagnosing but I’m just trying to understand my brain. I worry about dying, getting a terminal illness. uti turning into kidney infection then into cancer kind of thing, knowing that life in general can b tragic is so scary to me, like what will be my story? What will be my life experience?. I believe that people see right through me and discuss it amongst each other, I always tell myself I am not that important but I can’t seem to shake it off sometimes. When I would break up with my ex I would have pre written paragraphs ready to b send if he ever decided to reach back and I would do this to make sure I didn’t forget a single thought, that every point i felt I need to prove was there, and that bothers me bc do I want win an argument or fix the issue. All of these feelings make me feel so pathetic and embarrassed people move on with their lives and I’m still stuck on something that happened 3 yrs ago. Then I’ll get manic get a tattoo, change my hair, go out clubbing do what I can to b the sexy young girl that I am and it helps in the moment but it worsens my mental after the euphoria is gone. I’m currently staying home, not going out, have only 1 friend so I feel like ocd progressively got worse now, I don’t remember it getting this bad in a while. lmk what you guys think don’t judge or think I’m embarrassing I’m actually so cool and if have to convince you I’m cool I will LMFAOO no but fr help
- Date posted
- 19w
I used to be able to determine what was my OCD and what’s real life but now it’s all just blending together. I literally can’t tell what’s true between what’s not true. my overthinking is absolutely terrible and rituals and everything is just crumbling.
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