anyone else have high-functioning ocd bc they’re completely unable to put their life on hold. I’m a pro at pretending everything is ok when I’m really falling apart inside.

Yes I say I am ok, but really paralyzed with fear. I have things I need to clean, but it is so hard to do those things I see as contaminated because it frightens me. But it scares me to even have these dirty areas in my house.

can’t lie tho. I go many days at a time just sitting on my couch crying & feeling paralyzed. I just can’t win with this

I'm the same way Vicious. I dont have people over and can spend hours just doing a few things because of how long it takes to do it right. I sometimes stand just thinking about how I will go about what I need to do in an order that doesnt contaminate something else. But there is always something that needs to be cleaned because I was in the area. Today I did pretty good though. I read more about ERP and got myself to allow myself to do these things and not be as freaked out at least.

I’m a compulsive cleaner that looks like I have my shit together. I can spend several hours cleaning and disinfecting the floors and still not be content. I frequently cry in the shower to muffle my meltdowns. I feel guilty about my condition, but would feel even worse if someone notices. I have no friends or people over to my house, yet I still feel the need to hide myself this way.

Thanks! I'm trying to find someone to accept my insurance. Hopefully nocd will at some point but they dont. I feel like I am alone when I see people going about their day when I'm driving miles to go to a store I feel isnt contaminated like the ones close to me. Even my sons school. He wanted to go to a different one and I was happy because the one he is zoned for would make me panic every day and spend hours cleaning which I already do anyway. Now I am trying to get myself to at least be ok with the thought of places and things. Glad someone can relate to what I go through. Noone even knows how much this affects my life.