False memory/ real event ocd. 18+

18+ When i was 15 - 17 years old I use to go on sites and apps like omegle and ask people if they wanna have cam sex with me. I have developed real event ocd over this beacause this behavior isn’t something Im proud about. I think I had an addiction to doing this aswell. It started as a porn addiction and turned in to cam sex with strangers addiction I think. But the thing is, now I have this extreme guilt of “what if some one was too young” If I only could remember everything that happend. “What If I flashed myself to someone that didn’t wanna see”. “What if someone got traumatized” I can’t accept does things. I’m 19 years old now I’m scared to open up to my therapist about this.

Survivingand...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Hi friend, All of us accumulate mistakes/regrets as we grow up. Especially as we’re in our childhood/teen years. Real event ocd is tough because you try to decipher every meaning behind everything you’ve done, and you try to weigh the good and the bad. The best thing I ever learned in ERP therapy (having struggled with real event as well) is to lean into the idea that “I can never understand what I did in the past with the knowledge that I have now.” As well as “I may or may not have acted in an inappropriate/immoral way. There’s no way for me to be certain about my past actions in my current mindset.” I encourage you to work on leaning into the uncertainty of maybe I made a mistake or maybe I didn’t, or maybe I unintentionally did something immoral or maybe I didn’t. Avoid seeking reassurance and ruminating over details. The more we ruminate on past events, the more we cloud our memory. If you catch yourself ruminating, which it sounds like you may be doing, notice you are ruminating, acknowledge the obsession, employ the response prevention technique of “maybe I was immoral, maybe I wasnt”, and carry that ick with you throughout your day. Very few of us escape our teen years unscathed and without mistakes lol. Whether or not you were immoral or inappropriate is uncertainty that you must lean into, and when you lean into it, you will find peace!! Sending you love.

Helllloo

Date posted: 3y

Thank you so much. I didnt really understand What you meant with “I can never understand what I did in the past with the knowledge that I have now” . it’s awsome how you take your time and write such a detailed response, I appreciate it:)

Survivingand...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Of course! I’ve been there and still am sometimes, so I love helping others who are there!! And I know that idea is kind of complicated, it basically means that you can’t judge the past based on the lens you look at life through now. You’re not who you were at 15,16, or 17, so you can’t understand the choices you made at those ages. :)

Helllloo

Date posted: 3y

Okey thank you:)

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I have this same exact obsession

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I went on Omegle sporadically from ages 17-20. Sometimes it was just to talk, other times to flirt or have cam sex. I see now why I did it. I had fairly intense social anxiety and some obsessive fears about being capable of sexual assault. I didn’t know it was ocd at the time and nothing in my real life was going right at the time. I just wanted to feel appreciated and connected to someone else but at the time I never felt safe reaching out in person so I turned to Omegle. I felt so evil and perverse when I went on that site. I saw things I didn’t want to see and met people who scared me. I was always looking for people my age and when I came across someone who was too young I would advise them to leave. Looking back though I realize people lie and I can never know exactly who I was talking to. Being on the site felt almost involuntary. It might have been a compulsion. But now it’s over and I’ve moved on. I have a girlfriend I love, close family and friends. Now obsession is figuring out if I can ever forgive myself, who I should tell and how much, and wondering if I will live with the guilt forever. False memories are definitely at play as well. I’m working through this in erp therapy though and it has already gotten better. I feel safer and happier but it takes time. Try Erp-Keep your faith and keep your discipline!!

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Long post but the comment above is exactly right. Rumination feels natural but it won’t serve you. You just have to accept that you don’t know everything you did or the full consequences of your actions. You got this

Anonymous

Date posted: 25w

Masterbation OCD/real event OCD

I'm 17 years old I struggle with addiction I have a problem when I masterbate I have intrusive thoughts idk if I think them I'm so scared also back then I know when I was younger I looked at obscure things hentai all that my idk what to do even I feel like I'm a monster or im a bad person I need help I feel so distraught I feel like I can't live life to the fullest anymore even from last year I looked at content that was animated but it had a character in it that was underage I felt so ashamed and felt like a monster I had a compulsion to check it only to find out they are not around my age range idk what to do I probably sound like a freak I'm sorry I'm always trying to replay my memory and try to remember my intention and what I was doing how I come across how I was doing a action yk all that

isharemycigs

Date posted: 20w

What do I do

when I was 15 soon to turn 16, I met this girl in a IG group chat made by our mutual friends. We started talking and eventually we started flirting and talking sexual towards each other, though eventually we stopped talking because she was being really weird. A couple months later In July of 2024 my friend found out that she was actually 13 and that she lied to me about her age. It's been 10 months since l've found out and I still feel so disgusted in myself. I had my suspicions at the time but I let them go since she said she was 16 turning 17. I was completely oblivious trusting someone I only knew online especially since i've never seen their face either. i'm struggling on what to do since i've been suffering with POCD since I was 15. Till this day I still feel weird and disgusted in myself because of that. But it feels ironic since i'm sexualizing someone that's 2 years younger than me and I waited to confirm she was around my age range to sexualize her. I feel so weird and guilty about it idk what to do

Givenup

Date posted: 16w

Childhood real pocd events

What if you did something extremely horrible as a child that you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭

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False memory/ real event ocd. 18+

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