feel like i’m spiraling again.. this seems to happen when i start feeling better.. But basically I was just playing video games and it felt like I was flirting with them or try too show off, which is normal “the showing off part”, but it made me feel like I was doing it for other reasons, and I don’t know if it was a kid or not but my ocd automatically makes it seem like it is, and in that in the moment when im doing certain things in the game I’m doing something wrong, or even if im holding my nephew or my best friends twins, it feels like im holding them a certain way for a feeling but I don’t think that is the case, and then when I think I am I freak out and can only hold them for like 5ish minutes… I was doing so good, I haven’t even been posting on here, and I think what mainly has me in a spiral is that I got offered a job offer as a manager and she said we need too run a back ground check, and she as a joke said “literally to make sure you’re not a pedofile”…. I also have been doing compulsions again.. I stopped for a whole but now I’m spiraling…. and then also I’m scared my medication isn’t gonna work anymore because I have been on it 4 months and my moms friend said hers just stopped working out of no where.. and then when i hold my nephew or my friends children it makes me think i’m holding them a certain way for a reason and then my feelings get all messed up and it’s very distressing afterwards…. and sometimes even during because I feel like i’m holding them so awkwardly… idk just feel like my thoughts and feelings are a lot worse then they have been here lately and it sucks.. I would rather have my harm ocd again, or something else, I just want this to go away… and as I type this my brain goes “no you want this” it’s so weird how ocd is, and how it can take me calling something cute into something completely wrong or make me feel like I did something wrong and then I start ruminating and making it into something it’s not.. I just need someone to talk too, because i’m scared and I don’t wanna spiral again and be where I was again.

Gago

Date posted: 3y

Remember OCD is egodystonic, which means it goes against what you love and value, for example you value life and want to live a lot, but you have suicidal OCD, in reality you don't want to kill yourself, it is the OCD that goes against you You value kids, so your OCD goes against that

Searching4✌🏼

Date posted: 3y

I am a mother and have never had any issues until last year. Every since these intrusive thoughts and images came my life has never been the same. I do my best to be the version of myself that I have always been but I have found that I hold kids different now. I dont hold my children as tight. Im always on edge. I went back to almost normal but now suddwnly i’ve spiraled back into the pit. Any bad possible thought pops into my head and I just feel a constant sickness in my stomach. I know its not who I am. I just cant make sense of how someone who loves their children can have such terrible thoughts. I just keep reminding myself that I cant be heald accountable for a thought. They are not actions. Actions count. Praying I can climb back out of this hole.

Searching4✌🏼

Date posted: 3y

I just wanna feel like a normal mom again.

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