- Date posted
- 3y
Eyebrows!!!
Oh man! Do I obsess over my brows! First ti was shaving them in the early 2000's cuz I was a chola wannabe. Then, over plucking because I developed Trichotillomania. Most recently I have spent close to $2000 and a whole lot of time and energy over 10 appointments or microblading appointments to fix work that I've been unhappy with. That is including work that I decided to do in the middle because I was certain no one else was gonna get it right. I have NO experience in microblading. I just ordered a kit from Amazon and went at my brows! I had to have them removed. That was so painful! I thought most recently I was out of the woods until recently I finally got a them redone and the lady made them uneven once again. So I came home just yesterday and I grabbed a safety pin, two pens (one reddish brown and one black) and went at one of my brows again. I knew I was engaging in self harm. I was burning my skin and cutting it. The burning came with the alcohol I used to disinfect. But, nonetheless I couldn't stop myself. I wanted to get this brow to look like the other one. Especially after all I've been through! I didn't want to have to spend more money or go to another person to have them say no they couldn't fix them (I've gotten that a lot after I messed with them in the first place) or go back to the lady that I've been going to can't seem to get them right. I was doing my eyebrows and I knew that it was possible for me to screw them up once again and I knew might have to start the process all over still, I just kept going. I kept thinking in my head -- I can get this right. I know it. I kept praying to God and asking that they would help me make sure that the eyebrow was just right. I ordered more ink on Amazon just in case. I would need it later on to define the eyebrow as if I know what I was doing. I finally stopped myself thinking okay... there's no way I can get this line exactly straight with a safety pin and ink from a pen. It took pretty much all day for me to stop myself. Overall, I'm pretty upset that I thought I was being patient with the process after the whole removal a few weeks ago because now I think that I was still rushing everything and that I'm not happy with my brows because of that. I don't trust myself to make decisions at this point and I think that whenever I try to do something to make my life simpler, I actually just make it harder. I can't believe I spent this much money and that I've done this to my face. And that I seem to be in this mindset that I can fix things. I don't really worry about the repercussions in the moment. More so, I am afraid of being a bother. Even though I know my eyebrows run even that they didn't need more work, I was afraid to tell the lady that they were crooked once again. I felt like I was already bothering her having to go back for another touch up and another touch up. I was also worried that she was just going to keep on getting it wrong because she kept on working on the same eyebrow even though I needed her work on the other one. So what choice did I have but to give up and try on my own? Right? I don't know. I think that I can handle things on my own. I think that I have the answer to fix things. I think okay. Well, if I've already tried to do it this way or that way I've already spent this much money or this much time or bothered this many people or tried this many things that this just must be the way blah blah blah. This really sucks. It really sucks!