jumrn

Date posted: 3y

don’t remember saturday night

Hello, I've been having an anxiety attack. I was at the bar with my best friends on Saturday night and two boys joined us. In France we kiss each other to say goodbye and give each other two cheeks, I don't know if it's the same for you. When we go out the bar I remember saying goodbye to one of them but the other I can't remember (even 5 minutes later), I hadn't even been drinking. So it stresses me out that I can't remember how I said goodbye so my brain says "omg what if you cheated your boyfriend?" My best friend says she saw me saying goodbye normally but since I don't remember, it's really hard to be sure I didn't cheat because I don't remember! I feel so guilty and so bad! I can't breathe

A23

Date posted: 3y

How are you doing now, a little better? I'd recommend some deep breathing, slow the adrelaine down. Do you see anyone for anxiety attacks? Best advice would come from a professional With the OCD, realize that your mind is jumping to conclusions and making you worry about the worst case possible. Recognize the more mild possibilities and if it helps say "Whatever" to the OCD thoughts. Hope this helps, fell better

jumrn

Date posted: 3y

not really.. i can’t reassure myself because i can’t remember… Do you think it’s possible to forgot having say goodbye to someone? And it’s mean nothing? Yes i see a terapist for my OCD but it’s the begining, i saw her on wednesday.. It’s complicated to say « whatever » because if i cheat my boyfriend it’s very horrible… i can’t…

A23

Date posted: 3y

@jumrn It's definetly possible to forget something, my memory isn't always there so I think I can relate to that. In terms of the fear of cheating, is this an assumption/conclusion? There is a term called castrophization, if you want you can Google it and see how common it is for this to be in our thought processes. If your friend says you didn't do anything wrong, then maybe it's not worth continuing the thinking on this topic? The more you try to figure it out, the more attention it will bring to it. This itself is a form of rumination, so it is better to find ways to get out of this cycle. This is also a type of mental compulsion I believe, you can read about that for more info and advice

jumrn

Date posted: 3y

@A23 Thanks, I didn't know that term. I'll go see, because it's a conclusion that I draw because I don’t know what I did. Yes I should believe my friend but I feel like it's not enough I can't be calm, when I talk to my boyfriend I feel guilty, like it's never going to get better. I'm going to try to not think about it anymore, you're right, but I don't want to live with this uncertainty...

A23

Date posted: 3y

@jumrn Actually acceptance of uncertainty is a big part of OCD therapy. One that topic I'm not experienced with ROCD so I can't provide any specific suggestions, don't want to recommend any compulsions but an ERP therapist would help you with some exposures as a way to reduce this feeling

jumrn

Date posted: 3y

@A23 yes but it’s already difficult to accept, especially when i can’t remember what i do with the doubt of cheating my boyfriends, its seems impossible for me

jumrn

Date posted: 3y

@jumrn my boyfriend* i have only one love ahah

A23

Date posted: 3y

@jumrn In general we can accept that our memories are not perfect but I understand this specific issue is difficult, hopefully you can address it soon with the therapist

jumrn

Date posted: 3y

@A23 yes thank you!

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 3y

What an amazing girlfriend you are for caring so much about this! It shows you are a great human being ! Think of all the people who cheat and just don’t care, or flirt with everyone! Don’t let ROCD ruin this for you , it’s easy to see how much you care

jumrn

Date posted: 3y

yes… thank you so much. But if i was cheat my boyfriend and i don’t remember? Of course i don’t want but i can’t be sure of what i do…

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 3y

Well remember that ocd lives of uncertainty so that doubt will always je there no matter what , it’s what you do with it , you won’t be able to magically think it away with rational thoughts x

jumrn

Date posted: 3y

yeah but its difficult to have rational thought when i can’t remember what i do but thank you for all you said. It’s help me

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 3y

@jumrn Exactly because this is not rational so you have to accept it’s ocd even though it feels impossible , you feel like this is very real even if it’s in your head xx I get how tricky it is I really do ❤️

jumrn

Date posted: 3y

@Tillyyyx yes i know that i can’t cheat my boyfriend but its just the doubt, forgetting what i do it’s horrible… The doubt of this, to not know it’s very destabilizing and i feel so guilty with my boyfriend, i hope im gonna trust my bff and stop compulsion. Again thank you❤️

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 3y

Well I know it is recommended with ocd to practice ERP: ‘maybe I did cheat on my boyfriend ‘ and sit with the fear and uncomfortableness until the pain subsides, it’s hard work I know I hate ERP but my therapist says it’s a proven successful method for working through ocd ❤️

jumrn

Date posted: 3y

ERP work for you?

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 3y

@jumrn Yes but it’s not an easy thing to do! My main way of trying to cope is to get reassurance that what I’m feeling is okay , that it’s OCD, but actually this apparently fuels ocd more ! So yes ERP is very effective but it pushes me out of my comfort zone and sometimes I don’t have the mental energy and strength to do it as it’s too much

jumrn

Date posted: 3y

@Tillyyyx okey i understand !! I hope its gonna work for you

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 3y

@jumrn I hope so too :( my main focus is that there wasn’t an initial spark and obsession at the start of my relationship - does that mean my relationships won’t work out ? I love my boyfriend so much and we grow stronger with time and with time I’m more and more attracted to him but I e read so much online saying ‘ love is always at first sight’ or if you don’t know straight away you’re attracted to them then the attraction won’t grow … so it scares me

A23

Date posted: 3y

@Tillyyyx Attraction can grow with time, I've read that. The love at first site is essentially a cliche, don't let it doubt your love

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 3y

@A23 Oh I do understand that, well rationally I do but my anxiety does make me question it . It’s so difficult not having 100% certainty and some of the best times of my life have been with my boyfriend honestly! People are so sure that we can’t create love through our actions , that it’s out of our control … but that seems like a cause for concern to me? Surely that type of love is highly unstable considering one’s feelings could just suddenly disappear and also what if you’re in a committed love marriage and you un intentionally feel a spark with someone else ? Like wouldn’t that mean condoning divorce due to a involuntary temporary feeling ? This topic confuses me so much !

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 3y

Well my take on it is if you truly don’t remember then I would just trust your friend and leave it as intrusive thought, ocd can make us go crazy and clearly it was never your intention to do something like that , I highly doubt you would have cheated on your boyfriend without being drunk in front of your friends ?

jumrn

Date posted: 3y

yes i know its seems impossible ! It’s just the doubt because i can’t remember. It’s afraid me because i don’t understand why i can’t remember me this moment, i think i was speaking at this moment

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 3y

Also I’ve felt some kind of ‘spark’ or drawn in vibrational energy to the most random people at times - like one of my managers (she’s a woman about 40 years older than me and I’m not lesbian) so is it really a basis for love ?

jumrn

Date posted: 3y

this is not. It’s fake ! I promise you it’s your brain who have created this kind of spark

stuckonathought

Date posted: 21w

Convinced myself of something bad

Basically when I was drunk I was flirting with this guy I usual flirt with he was telling me that nothing could happen because he’s friends with my cousin, so I got really close to him and said oh resllr so you don’t want me, and I can’t remember what he said but I then kissed his like cheek or near his ear to like flirt with him and I’ve convinced myself because he said he couldn’t that basically I’ve harassed him. I left him alone after we’d finished talking but I’m so worried that me sorta going are you sure to him because he kept saying “maybe one day but right now I can’t” and saying “it’s not that I don’t want to” But I’m really scared that I’ve done something wrong. I keep picturing me kissing his cheek and him going like ugh fuck off when I don’t think that happened? I just have the worst anxiety around it right now

jankie1226

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 19w

did i cause a tragedy

this weekend, i went out with some friends who were staying with me from out of town and i drank too much. because of my job and mental health i very proactively limit how much i drink but i got caught up in the fun of the moment and drank past my limit. this morning, i woke up to a message from my boss about a tragedy that happened in my community this past weekend. my mind is rapidly trying to draw connections between me drinking too much and this tragedy. my ocd is trying to convince me that i caused it while i was drinking and that i just don't remember it. anyone else experience things like this? i'm trying not to seek reassurance but it's getting difficult!

Elizabethalb...

Date posted: 16w

Keep checking cameras

On Sunday at work I was stressed and I was anxious all day about ruining my relationship and I disappeared off camera for 2 min and 30 seconds and I’m trying to figure out why and it’s bothering me because I don’t remember I know all morning I was trying to stay on camera so I can prove to myself that I was fine but I think as the day went on like after I video called my boyfriend I felt better and wasn’t paying too much attention to being off camera but I went into the back of the store like the kitchen area and there’s no camera so I was off camera for 2 min 30 seconds and it’s scaring me because idk what I was doing so I’m trying to figure it out and it’s driving me nuts my mind is saying that I did something to ruin my relationship in those 2 min and 30 seconds and I’m so anxious and spiraling I can’t stop thinking about it and talking about it. I just want to enjoy my relationship without feeling guilty.

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don’t remember saturday night

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