SO-OCD and ROCD

Any tips on dealing with SOOCD while having a boyfriend and keeping that relationship strong despite the fact you might be gay or have all these thoughts and urges and uncertainty? I am so afraid I will hurt him one day, become someone completely different, and crush him and his dreams for us.

I have had bits of OCD and anxiety as long as I can remember but never in this way. I am in a 3+ year relationship with my now fiance. About 8-9 months ago I started heavily doubting our relationship.. doubting his love for and intentions with me and that we'd inevitably split up. That turned into me questioning my love for him. Questioning if my amount of sexual desire was "normal", if it's "normal" to find other men attractive if youre with the "right" one and that would go in and on. Then came the SO-OCD. These worries, fears, and doubts made me questioning EVER bit of my sexuality and that being the reason why I've felt a lack of contentment in my very healthy, stable, consistent relationship. I feel as though this is my body going full on protector mode!! I've had my share of trauma growing up and in adult relationships that have left me with tons of relational wounds and then pile on a lifetime of fantasizing about what it would be like to find "the one" (thanks Hollywood and social media lol). All of this to wonder if anyone can relate to all of this and how you've been working through layered traumas and OCD

I just wanted to come on here and rant for a minute because it has been awhile, back in September I started experiencing rocd with my husband I have been with for 9 years. At first I didn’t understand what was going on but then I found out I had ocd. It was swarming my mind for months like I was stuck in a loop and couldn’t get out and I had so much anxiety and as you could imagine it also lead to depression (which I also suffer with) in November I found out I was pregnant and I got really excited and scared, I had to stop doing my therapy due to finances but overall my mindset eventually started getting better, I worked really hard to get out of my cycle I was in. I still had intrusive thoughts but they didn’t get to me as badly and I was able to kinda just accept them and move on with my day but I still get my days where they become more overwhelming and I start to give in to the thoughts and become sad or anxious and start to believe them meanwhile trying not to but my brain questions rather it’s truly ocd or if it’s just how I feel. It has been a major rollercoaster and I’m still learning how to fully cope with it, I want to be better mentally for my baby and for my husband but it’s just not that easy, these thoughts are obsessive and it’s like it always tries to find a new way to bring you back into it. Like today and yesterday it’s been really heavy on my mind like “what if I don’t want to be with him, what if I don’t want to be with him FOREVER, what if this isn’t what I actually want to do with my life” so on, but I don’t want to be with anyone else and I only want to be with him, he is the only person I want to do life with. And yes these are valid questions for your normal person but with someone with ocd they are obsessive and they give you anxiety and they scare you and confuse you and make you start to believe them. So if your going through this I promise your not alone this shit just sucks