Any LGBTQ+ with H/SOOCD?

we’re you able to settle on an identity?

@Anonymous More or less. I know I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum. Probably something like demisexual or greysexual just because I do still enjoy sex and have had what I think is sexual attraction a few times (and only with my current partner/husband) so to me that kind of fits with that "box" so to speak. I don't know if its a similar struggle with being bi, but I think comphet and being in a straight passing (?) relationship with a bio kid of ours also made me insecure at first because of 1) a fear of not being queer enough and 2) not fitting the sex repulsed depiction that seems to be most common in general media. I think I had to sit down one day and just decide "yes this is who I am" and remember I can't ever have 100% certainty but its what feels right to me. Much easier said than done. I learned about asexuality when I was like 13ish and came circling back to it over and over before finally coming to acceptance this past year. And I'm 27 😂 I admire people who figure this part of themselves out sooner but its never too late 😎 Kind of a novel haha I hope that helped some!

@redmuse22 wow this rly did help thank you for taking the time to share this!! I honestly feel like i’m demi sexual with men and just into women but i’m more curious about women since i’ve never had sex with one. i’ve only ever had crush on men and I have a boyfriend im in love with but I tend to only be attracted to guys after we have a bond which is why I think it creates so much uncertainty bc im attracted to women more off the bat. but I think it’s also so difficult to come to terms with bc split sexual and romantic attraction as well as aesexuslity is so ignored in media🙁 tbh I didn’t even consider liking women before having hocd but I found boobs hot when I first discovered porn but idk I feel like naked people is bound to be arousing who knows. the fact I found these boobs hot is rly the main thing that’s making my intrusive thoughts say im a lesbian even though ik im prob pan of some sort idek it sucks

@redmuse22 also the hocd has been giving me groinal responses which I never got before from looking at a pretty girl so idek I just wish I didn’t have ocd lmao

@Anonymous Oh my god it's like someone looked in my brain and wrote my feelings wtf. I am exactly the same

@pyrist do you have a boyfriend aswell?

@Anonymous Yes and i also have a hard time with intimacy with him because i always think way too hard about it and it's like i want to be attracted to him so bad that my feelings go away? like looking for arousal too hard makes it vanish

@pyrist same! exposures help tho

omg! yesss! i’ve been struggling with it for months now, i really need help..

@mjane Do you struggle with the thought of being straight or being lesbian/gay?

@crybaby lesbian! i keep going back to the lesbian master doc knowing that i’m a bisexual. however i keep thinking that i might relate to some things listed in the doc and it makes me feel super anxious because i know that’s not what i am.. my brain keeps making me feel convinced that i’m a lesbian even tho i’m not ..

@mjane Fwiw, I felt the same way about the masterdoc. It caused a lot of anxiety for me because I thought that bc I could relate to some points that meant I was a lesbian and had to break up with my boyfriend. I mean that’s what I kept seeing on TikTok’s. But really there are many different reasons for why I related to some points. I ended up coming across verily bitchie on YouTube and they discuss how the masterdoc isn’t something we should all have to follow. In fact, it can be problematic although it has helped many people come to terms with their sexuality. I could relate to many of the comments on that video. Some say that if when reading the masterdoc you feel at peace and comfortable knowing that there is a reason for your feelings, then you are probably a lesbian. And if after reading the masterdoc made you distressed and confused then it probably was not meant to be a guide for you.

@Mememeitsme i start to panic really badly when realized i related to lots of the listed things, i know i love my boyfriend very much. i keep over analyzing and looking back at past experiences. it’s a lot of confusion and fear and even stress.

@mjane I hear you. Same for me. I was always very insecure and had low self esteem due to childhood situations. I thought it was hard for me to see myself with a man but really it was just hard for me feel like I was deserving to be loved. I’m also autistic and when I finally found forums with other autistic people I felt so validated I started crying bc there was a reason for what I had felt my entire life. I imagine that is what lesbians feel when reading the masterdoc, it’s validating and just makes sense

@mjane Also, you really have to just sit with your thoughts. Give them names and personalities. The thoughts that cause you distress and anxiety are coming from your Worried Voice, the thoughts that try to reassure you are coming from False Comfort voice. Those voices go back and forth. False Comfort wants to calm you down so badly and it feels good but only temporarily bc Worried Voice needs something to be worried about. It will just keep going on and on until you have your Wise voice take charge. This voice says “I see you worried voice and I see you false comfort. Y’all are doing the best you can but I am choosing to stay out of this.” Don’t give into your compulsions. This has been helping me

@Mememeitsme okay i’ll try that. i don’t rlly know if these are even compulsions but there are times where i think back at the master doc and sometimes even visit back to multiple master docs to check if i’m a lesbian or not. when i realize how i related to a lot of the things, i start to feel sort of okay cause i realized most of the things that are listed aren’t things that i’ve done or felt irl however it also makes me rethink moments in my life to see if they were signs of comphet.

@mjane If you’re reading and going back to the doc in order to check to see if you relate, I would suggest stopping yourself. Have your wise voice say take charge again.

@mjane this is definitely a compulsion

@Mememeitsme thank you, i’ll keep this in mind

@mjane Sorry for the late reply, but I’m the same way with you!!

I'm gay tho

@Rafahel it’s making you think your straight?

@Anonymous Yeah, it makes me think if I'm straight (and I'm a very feminine boy) so like sometimes makes me fear that I'm faking who I am.

@Rafahel im so sorry your going through this:( im going through the same thing as a bisexual. however I had identified as straight before the hocd but i’ve just come to terms with sexuality being fluid throughout all of this. had you been out before this all started?

@Anonymous Yes, I started to think like "oh I think I like boys" when I was like 12, I'm 17 now, but I was scared of just feeling attracted to boys so in my head I NEEDED to at least like girls too. In 2020 I started to question if I actually liked girls, and then I realized that I didn't. But I just started to tell people and come out last year, a while before all of this.

@Rafahel thats so amazing you came out🫶🫶 part of my hocd is that i’m scared im in denial bc of internalized homophobia:( if you don’t mind answering had your ever liked girls or fallen in love with one? like what made you realize it was comphet

@Anonnymous are you bi too?

@Anonnymous same!

@Anonnymous it’s so scary because my biggest fear and what really triggers the anxiety is that i’ll loose him/ hurt him in the end bc i’m in denial but it doesn’t make sense bc i’m in love w him and constantly analyzing everything and I feel like if I was in denial I would just me repressing it idk. it’s so difficult I just wish I was normal 🥲🥲

@Anonymous I never liked a girl, in a relationship way or sexual way. But when I was forcing myself to like girls I was like, thinking "oh but i liked a girl when i was like 8 years old" but i actually wasn't i just really liked her as a friend and was forcing myself to think i liked her. Honestly, the way i feel for girls is not even close of what i feel for boys LOL 😂 I love boys 💗

@Rafahel ooo thank you so much for telling me! I was just struggling to understand what comphet really was. it sucks bc I feel like i’m in love with my boyfriend and before we started dating I didn’t have this subtype of ocd yet and it’s like I miss him the second he leaves me blah blah blah but then I get so much anxiety that i’m not attracted to him as much as I could be a women and then I overthink everything even tho I enjoy sex with him idek fuck ocd lmao

@Rafahel what’s the difference between liking someone as a friend vs relationship way for you do u think. im sorry if i’m like bomarding you with questions I just feel so confused 🙁

@Anonymous Like I just wanted to be around her more because we liked the same stuff like disney channel movies and since I was young everybody body was like "you have to like girls" so i was just like "well i guess that's it" but like I didn't have a crush on her or anything.