I’d been feeling really in love and secure in my feelings for my boyfriend recently which was amazing after a year of ROCD and obsessive doubts. Now SOOCD is taking me for a ride and I can’t cope. I just want to be with him, why do I have to overthink everything and hurt myself? I could accept being bi or ace, or a mix of the two, but not a lesbian as my mind is trying to tell me I am. We’re also approaching two weeks of barely seeing each other when we see each other everyday recently which is making me so upset and I don’t know how to cope. The whole two weeks will be spent with my narcissistic mother who I have recently discovered makes my anxiety peak. Everything feels so difficult at the moment

I was thinking the same thing, that it’s an extension of ROCD as all my ROCD themes made me believe I had to break up with him. I think it all comes from fear of abandonment so I have to be the one to end it first, if that makes sense? Which is why I’m also having such a bad reaction to two weeks apart. I know I’m not a lesbian because I have found other men attractive recently and been aroused by talking about sex with my boyfriend but my brain is doing a really good job of convincing me I am. I’m sorry you can relate so much though, it’s definitely not fun but thank you so much for responding and making me feel a little less alone

@EM77 Yep makes sense! I’m nearly 30 years old and I’ve never questioned my sexuality so to me it’s a bit of a stretch to suddenly be the complete opposite sexuality. I love my partner and couldn’t get enough of him days ago so I’ll continue to treat it as OCD. If there is no proof and there is anxiety behind it, I’ll always treat it like OCD. (Although I quite often fall into the ‘I’m not anxious enough’ trap haha- it’s never ending!!) Hope it eases off for you. Our brains are soooo convincing!!

@Shannon I’ve questioned my sexuality on and off for a few years but it was never sticky and anxiety inducing like it is now, I was always able to accept that I might be bi and/or on the asexual spectrum and never once thought I was actually a lesbian, I was always able to think about it and move on easily but now it’s become sticky in my mind. I feel like because I’ve questioned my sexuality before it makes it more “real” and like I’m actually in “denial” which is so difficult. I felt so in love last week with my boyfriend and felt that magnetic pull towards him frequently last week and was so happy when he said he wants to get married someday so I’m trying to remind myself of those things. Surely if I was actually a lesbian those things wouldn’t make me so happy and I wouldn’t experience them? Sorry I’m rambling on now! I’ve definitely fallen into the “I’m not anxious enough” trap, it’s awful! Thanks, I hope you experience relief from it soon too!

@EM77 Then tgat should be a good sign that it’s OCD. Sticky thoughts that make you anxious or distressed. They go against what you want. I understand the feelings of denial- I get that too. And feeling happy with your partner! I struggle with intimacy generally which adds a lot of fuel to my fire & when I read stories written by women who are lesbians that are similar to my feelings I find that very triggering but everyone is different and every story is different. Ultimately you can decide what you want, not your thoughts. On my toughest days I ask ‘do I want to stay in this relationship today’ and the answer is always yes no matter what OCD says.

@Shannon I’ve always taken that as a sign of OCD too, they definitely make me upset at the moment not so much anxious anymore but sometimes anxiety accompanies them! Omg I’m the exact same, sex has never been something I’ve majorly enjoyed so I related to some lesbian stories which made me spiral! But I always want to stay in the relationship which is why these thoughts are so sticky and upsetting. Thank you so much for this advice though, it’s really helped me to see this as OCD