Honestly I’m just confused af

I’ve been diagnosed with OCD but I don’t have these intrusive thoughts like everyone else...so I’m convincing myself I don’t really have OCD I struggle I guess with rOCD (and more)...I guess I always check to see if a person texted me back. I blow up the persons phone until they respond. I use to have it really bad where I had so much anxiety if I didn’t do it and so much anxiety if I did. When guys leave me....I freak out and have damn near a heart attack from panicking so much. And once I get this thought in my head whether it’s “you should’ve said this” or “he probably lied to you when he said this” or whatever there’s this feeling in my body. It’s like an uncomfortable negative vibe and that thought becomes priority. I have to do it. I have to text them and it’s hard to think of anything else. And when I do it doesn’t stop so i shouldn’t give in but sometimes I do. And if I get over that thought later another might replace it and it starts again. Anybody else feel this way...?

Hi, I just wanted to ask if anyone experience any of these symptoms/thoughts/feelings? It’s like I always doubt that I have OCD, it’s like I experience something inside (thoughts and/or feelings), always fear based, but it’s like I feel I cannot explain what is happening inside me at the moment of the crisis, and then I start to search in the internet for the symptoms. Every time I feel like I experience an anxiety attack but not a panic attack, not with physical symptoms. Tremendous feeling of fear that something wrong with me, and that I have something else, another mental disorder and I always search in the internet to check which symptoms match what I feel at the moment of the crisis. I experience something like this at the beginning of my OCD when I felt that I may I had schizophrenia or that may I will loose my mind. But this time is different its not about getting crazy or loose control but more like if I may be a bad person. I fear that I may be a bad person and I constantly feel that may I have NPD or BPD or PPD and several, not to suggest that people that suffer from these disorders are bad people in the contrary they also suffer. But my thoughts keep persist to make me feel bad about myself by telling me that may I suffer from another mental disorder, that I am bad person and that may I hurt someone psychologically not physically. I feel like that I have fear and intrusive thoughts and feelings about mental disorders. It’s like fear about mental disorders no physical illness. Based on be a bad person without even know it. I don’t know if any of these really make any sense. I just very confusing and for me and maybe i cannot explain it with words. Thank you for reading, if anyone can relate with any of these, please let me know because I am trying to understand how to cope with all of these.

Obsession or compulsion? I'm getting so confused. So normally something scary pops into my head and I start thinking about it. And I pull in other things, related things, or make it a lot worse than it it. I can think myself to the point of a panic attack. I thought this was a compulsion, because I can do it for hours and if I'm interrupted I have to start over. But I stop doing it because it does me no good and brings me to panic levels of anxiety. I'm really confused now because I'm starting ERP and the goal of exposure is to get myself really anxious. Well googling and ruminating is what makes me really anxious..... but it's also what I do for hours and can't stop... so.... what do I do? If I obsess and google to the point of a panic attack to "expose" myself then what? I would still just google and obsess. ? If I have the initial thought and just don't ruminate it just goes away and I'm no longer anxious. And that seems way too easy. I can't be doing this right.