How do other POCD sufferers cope?

Trigger warning!!! Adults only!!! I'm not really scared, that I'd rape a child, as that would mean a series of actions and I know, that I would stop, before it happened. It's also a given that I'm not interested in doing something to a child, even though POCD tries hard to make me think otherwise. My biggest fear is, that I might follow an urge to touch a child inappropriately, not because I'm sexually interested, but as my OCD urge got so strong, that I just can't refrain, like the urge to keep washing my hands with hot water even though it hurts. Another fear is doing something others wouldn't consider as bad - like the string of my backpack touching the shoulder of a child, the heel of my foot touching the crotch of a child, while walking normally, the tip of my shoe laces touching a child, etc., solely that or in combination with my OCD making me believe I enjoyed that. Or me sleep walking, or being drunk, or reacting weirdly to medication, which makes me zone out, do something to a child and I'd forget all about it. Or that I interact normally with a child, but my OCD twists my memory and makes me believe, that I did something horrible. I know that ERP will bring me to the point where I have to walk past children in the supermarket, without me keeping a safe distance, without having my shoe laces tugged in to my socks and without holding on to the strings of my backpack. Thinking about doing that is killing me, it seems undoable, as I, not only my OCD, am convinced, that it's unforgivable to touch a child, or having an item of mine touch a child, when I have a POCD thought, which is constantly, when in the vicinity of children. With other OCD themes, it had been easier to do ERP, as I had been fully aware about my OCD thoughts being totally unrealistic, but with regards to POCD, I'm totally convinced that one must not have POCD thoughts in the vicinity of children. Can anyone relate? And if so, has anyone been able to successfully do ERP for POCD?

Mariii

Date posted: 3y

Love, whatever you're struggling, just know that it's your ocd. I feel like i had lots of these. I was scared of touching children. Scared to go near them in the bus. It felt like an alarm in my head. But i learned to overcome it somehow. A while ago today, a child walked past me and i kind of got an intrusive thought but you know what happened? Nothing. Ignored it, didn't engage with it. And sometimes i still have random thoughts and stuff like that. It's normal and it happens You know you would never do anything to children. It 's just ocd alarm trying to warn you But about what? If you know, you're not going to do anything? Why the fuck is it warning you about? This is the reason why you should not give a fuck I know it's hard, it deffinitely is But you need to try erp As difficult as it sounds, you're gonna feel much better Like example Two days ago, i was in aqua park Was holding one of my friends brother Hes 7yo And i got groinal responses What did i do? Nothing, simply ignored it And we even hugged and shit And nothing happened I know i would never do anything to a child You know that too It's just your ocd convincing you It can give you those urges, feelings, groinal response, anything to make you feel like you wanna do it But just know, that whenever that happens , it's ocd And don't give in to that Keep on fighting I know you can do it Wishing you the best of luck!

Enya

Date posted: 3y

Thanks. It's just I tried ERP against POCD repeatedly for nearly 17 years, I could never properly engage in it, it feels too risky, not only for me, but for the children, I would engage with...

Mariii

Date posted: 3y

@Enya Yes , i understand how you feel. When you feel like you would do something but you know you wouldn't. But either way , keep on fighting Just keep on going Fuck pocd and ocd Keep on trying and one day we will all be free from this monster Remember theres good and bad days There's always a light at the end of the tunnel❤️

Enya

Date posted: 3y

@Mariiiiii How did you deal with the fear of maybe touching a child inappropriately? Not a full asult, but one wrong move of your hand?

Mariii

Date posted: 3y

@Enya I would worry about it, tbh But then after that, i would just stop ruminating It was hard but i was somehow able to overcome With time it became easier Right now i have my friends brother (7yo) in my room, and i think i didnt get intrusive thoughts but was kinda scared But i can get through this Fuck ocd for real

Mariii

Date posted: 3y

@Mariiiiii I feel like it feels better having someone be here with me when im with children Than me alone But i need to try and win this

Mariii

Date posted: 3y

@Mariiiiii So i asked this little kid (my friends brother) if he wants to go to aqua park and it feels like im asking him on purpose idk but ig it did feel like it Maybe its because im slowly overcoming ocd So i want to spend more time with children? Idk tbh

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

POCD and changing baby diaper - please help

Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.

Jessie-

Date posted: 17w

Pocd

Anyone experience intrusive thoughts of their children during intimate moments? Have you done erp to this? I had one and continued slightly before running and needing to vomit now feel guilty anyone else experienced this?

Jay222

Date posted: 8w

Uncomfortable situations

It’s scary how uncomfortable I feel around kids. Whenever I’m in close proximity of them I just feel so much dread and fear that I just wish to not be around them for the fact that I’m gonna feel or think something I shouldn’t. But wouldn’t that be an indication of something more? A few days ago I was in an uncomfortable situation where I was around one and those thoughts were there and I started to feel self aware of how uncomfortable I was, like maybe my discomfort was because I DO see them in that way and not for any OCD reason, and how I act around them just isn’t normal. I did try to just move past it like I was supposed to but it all felt wrong. And now I’m thinking “am I ever gonna be able to do anything without feeling uncomfortable around them? At what point does someone question that there’s something terribly wrong with me because of it?” Has anyone else experienced this with POCD? How do you go about it despite your discomfort?

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