(PLEASE HELP IM BEGGING!) Hey guys, right now I’m having suicidal OCD and it’s really fucking scaring me because I know I want to live but it’s feeling like I’m going to end my life any second or any day now and that I’m going to die soon, and I’m afraid that I’m going to come up with a plan and go through with it, or say fuck it, I don’t care about recovery, be selfish and just do it. I’m SO scared I don’t know what to do anymore, I don’t know if these are real suicidal thoughts or just my OCD attacking me and I’m genuinely scared for my life. It’s like every second of the day I get a stupid intrusive suicidal thought and it makes me feel like I’m really suicidal and that I don’t want to live anymore, for ANYTHING positive I hear, I twist it and make it negative and tell myself, you’re going to die soon, or you’re gonna kill yourself anyway, you don’t have a future, you don’t care anymore. I even feel a lil bit down and sad when I get these thoughts and I start to feel depersonalization, I almost feel depressed when I get these thoughts all day and it makes me feel like I’m genuinely gonna get depressed and the suicidal thoughts will become REAL I’m so scared. Even when my parents tell me that I’m going to be ok and not do anything, I tell myself in my mind that I’m still going to go through with suicide and just kill myself. I don’t have a set plan and I’m afraid that I may develop a plan and want to go through with it. IM SCARED FOR MY LIFE! IM SO FUCKING SCARED PLEASE HELP PLEASE! Anyone that has gone through this PLEASE HELP! Going into a hospital won’t help because I’m not ACTUALLY suicidal but these thoughts make me FEEL like I am and it’s just SO confusing I don’t know what’s real and what’s not!!! PLEASE HELP ANYONE!!!! I’m so fucking scared ??

i get where youre coming from! i know how frustrated you are but i also know how bad reassurance is for you in the long run. either way, i’ll give you this; being TRULY suicidal (and not just being unlucky and having suicidal thoughts in the context of ocd) is an active choice. its like looking in the fridge when youre about to make lunch. you’ll weigh your options and then pick what you want. no anxiety there. suicidal people arent scared of their suicidal thoughts, because they want to. you have suicidal thoughts, but they dont mean youre suicidal. it means you have suicidal thoughts and nothing more. but you clearly dont want to even have the impression of the thoughts there, and even far from do you want to actually plan suicide and go througj with it.

My dear friend, I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. Your fear of these thoughts tells me that you are not actually suicidal. I believe this is all OCD. I know the thoughts are hard, but they say nothing about who you are. You’re going to get through this❤️❤️

Thank you so much girls, it’s just so extremely hard when you can’t tell if you are suicidal and if you’re not and if it’s just OCD, it seems so real when I tell myself, no I don’t care I’m just going to end it all, I know I want to live but when I have those thoughts of going thru with it, it makes me second guess everything. I hope this is just a bump in the road and not something that I am actually having to deal with I hate this so much I’m so tired ;(

Hey guys, I know this is an old thread but this is a huge theme of my OCD and I was wondering if anyone wants to correspond via email about how you deal with it. Could really use some support in 2020.

Hey I have this kind of OCD!!! We can talk together about this if you’d like! I’m having a very hard time myself

I completely empathize with you. I am kind of in the same boat, I have times where I really struggle to believe it’s OCD and I feel like i’m actually dealing with suicidal ideation. But what I try to do, it’s just to repeat to myself “maybe it’ll happen, and maybe it won’t, guess i’ll have to find out” and then i try to move on with my day as much as I can. OCD for me can be a minute by minute disorder, where on my bad days, I might have to remind myself every few minutes “yep, might happen” and just move on

I’ve had this exact same thing (literally laughed reading your post because it describes everything I’ve gone through to a T) for about 7 months now! It gets better, I promise. I know it sucks right now. I still have bad days but I’m better at understanding them in the context of OCD. Getting diagnosed helped because I realized that obviously they weren’t real thoughts - it was just the OCD! I try to remind myself that every time I get an intrusive thought. I felt so alone before finding out that suicidal OCD is a thing, so communities like this are so helpful. Hope this helps you a bit.

I’m so glad I came across this. It described how I feel exactly.

Hi… to the original admin who posted. How are you feeling???

Yeah I would like to talk!

Hopefully we can share tips on how to deal with this!

For sure!! I’m going to email you right away okay?? I may be a bit busy through the day but I promise I will reply

I suffer the exact same thing.. you aren’t alone People just call the cops on me if I’m feeling like this

The fact that you're worried about potentially feeling suicidal means you definitely won't do it even if you end up feeling suicidal. We all feel suicidal sometimes with ocd, most of us anyway. So you're bound to feel it once or twice. This ocd suicide thing you'll feel every day. But when you actually feel suicidal you'll know because you won't care about even making a post. People live their whole lives with suicidal thoughts to the point where they feel like doing it but you have people that you'll think about that will make you think before you act, even if it's just us! So don't worry, plus I know people that have attempted suicide many times and survived from it. Even jumping off of high buildings etc. So even if you did try, you'd probably survive. I feel actual suicidal a lot and when I feel suicidal, I don't care about anything and I have made plans in the past. But people that go through with it usually don't have a support network like an app like these, if they had of, they probably would have got the thoughts, and then realised they have people to talk to like I do when I think about killing myself. I've made plans in the past on Prozac it really didn't suit me, and I never went through with it because of my family. I went to the drs as soon as I could to come off of Prozac. You body will go into fight or flight and you'll either fight these anxiety thoughts, and remember that these suicidal thoughts are ocd anxiety thoughts, so you'll either say fuck you to the thoughts and try and get on with your life, or you'll run away from the thoughts and feel anxious and panicky regarding them. But you won't act on the thoughts, people don't go up to lions when they're afraid of them. Just call somebody when you don't care about anything, don't even care about commenting on here, don't even care about your family, listen to me now, call somebody. And now I'm sure that hearing me tell you to call somebody if you ever do have suicidal thoughts, will stop you worrying about getting real ones. Xx

Any updates on this?? Going through this now and it SUCKS

Can I get your contact information? I deal with the same themes

Know this is so old but could really use some positive encouragement:).

All of this started in October for me. Just out of the blue. But lately I’ve been having a hard time with the feelings. Like the thought doesn’t scare me, but I’ve turned that into this new obsession thinking I’m suicidal now, I’ll never get better, I’ll suffer forever and I’ll get so over it one day ending it all will be my only option. When you say push through them, can you explain that a little more?

Hey guys! Im dealing with this theme right now. Any specific advice? Have y’all connected to share support?

https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/?topic=suicide

What’s your email !!?

Ok thank u sooo much <3

No probs!!

I deal with the same theme as well

Going on a plane tomorrow and I’m scared

Yes here’s my email : jae_ montemayor03@yahoo.com

I could have written this post myself. It does get better. Really. I’m having a bit of a lapse at the moment but I have to trust it is just ocd. We can support each other x

I’m looking for some people to talk to. Is anyone still on here that deals with this theme

Ive been dealing with it for a little under a year, but wasn’t diagnosed with OCD until February! It’s gotten a LOT better, it’s really not too bothersome now, but I definitely have my days. what about you???

I’ve been struggling hard lately. Can you tell me what all you’ve done to make it better?

as hard as it sounds, you have to just push into the thoughts

the less scary they become to you, the more you’ll learn they aren’t serious threats

I know this is an old thread - is anyone in the same theme / boat as OP?

I’m dealing with this theme all over again ): any advice?