Please can someome help me. I think I am possessed. In 2016 I developed very bad OCD after a traumatic event and started constantly worrying about the concept of evil. I was constantly preoccupied with intrusive blasphemois thoughts about God and the devil and evil I was in constant terror and in fear of the devil. I would try and avoid anything I saw as evil at all costs (people I saw as evil, numbers I saw as evil...) and I felt a terrible shame that I was evil and I could pass on the evil to others. I became terrifies of a boy in my school who was involved with the occult and so I stopped going to school out of fear of him cursing me. I was diagbosed as having OCD and started seeing an OCD therapist where I started to have exposure therapy which involved confronting and exposing myself to fears such as the boy in ny school, my blasphemous thoughts in order to reduce my constant fear. However this involved doing things such as verbalising my blasphemous thoughts (in order to desesitiise myself to them), exposing nyself to occult things which I hated doing. Howecer I slowly became less fearful of evil and started going to school again and living a more normal life. In 2020 there was a girl that I liked from Kurdistan. I was very fond of her and thinking of asking her out. My very religious friend one evening began talking to me about the occult and devil worshippers which immediatley scared me. I started reading to see if what he said was true and I came across something which talked about there being devil worshippers in Kurdistan. I became instantly scared and worried that God was sending me a sign to say that I shouldnt have abything to do with the girl that I liked. I was very sad and scared as I didnt want to leave the girl I liked a lot and so I remember asking God if I should I go aith the girl and to my shock I got the most decisive, strong and shocking answer that I shouldnt and that she was evil. There was this very odd evil feeling of evil suddenly, so evil anf demonic and alien that I knew it wasnt my thought. It was a force, a temptation a new reality. I coyld either listen to God and stop seeing the girl I liked or go with this evil. I coyldnt give up the girl as I liked her a lot but I felt this profound feeling that I was going against my soul and goving myself to evil. As time went on I felt I had to get rid of God and anything loving as it told me not to go with the girl and I went anyway. Soon it became that I didnt even like the girl anymore but this force urging me to surrender and et rid of anything godlike in my mind was still there. Bit by bit I felt myself surrendering to this evil and my love for life, my mental capacity, my will, my identity, my memories started to diminish every time I continued to accept the evil. At one point I decided that ebough was enougn and I prayed to God and I felt such pdace and truth and felt god telling me to follow him. I felt me again and felt I should tell everyone about God and evil and that I should live a sinless life. But I didnt feel ready to be so religious so quick and so I fell bacl into evil and the problem got much worse. The evil came and was constantly was telling me to surrender and do things I never did before like watch pornography, become reclusive etc and i did as it was the only thing that relieved the pressure. But then it became an addiction and I soon my mind was gone, I couldnt remember my past, think properly, I had to leave university, all I could do was evil. I decided I wanted God back but this was a barrier. I felt I was resisitng God and I had to really overpower this to get to god. I felt the only way was to punish myself to really submit to god and it worked. I had very long cold ahowers up to 5 hours etc to punish the evil side of me and get it to stop and for me to follow god. I also felt I had to tell every person I knew to become religious and start shouting on the street for people to become religious and confess to everyone i knew that i was evil. Even though i knew it was wrong i felt i had to do it. Soon it vecame to much and the cycle startes again.