hey guys so i was wondering if it’s normal to not want to do anything sexual. i struggle with HOCD and it just makes me nervous/scared to do stuff with guys because i’m afraid that i won’t like it but i’ve done stuff before and have liked it. i just wanna know if that’s normal to just not feel much sexual desire to do things

I have hocd and I am reluctant to be sexual too for the same reason

My sex drive is low and I worry if it’s me or my bf so I can kinda relate

My libido is pretty much non existent due to being depressed and exhausted from the rituals and obsessions. I’ve always found sex to be a chore anyways so it doesn’t bother me but what puts the cherry on top of all this is my contamination fear of bodily fluids and my fear of being compared-not just my body but my skills. Also I have TMJ so that’s fun. If you’re scared you might not like it, I’d say go with the flow. Just because you consented to having sex doesn’t mean you can’t stop midway if you’re not feeling it. And if the man can not understand that then you just weeded out the bad one. A good guy would never pressure you or guilt you in to doing something. But if you just don’t have the desire or drive, which is normal (especially if you’re taking meds), then don’t force yourself to having to do it.

awe well thank you so much for helping! i’ve been doing better and trying super hard to not do compulsions but then i just met this guy and i really like him and we’ve been talking for a while and i want to be with him i’m just very insecure and also very nervous that i won’t enjoy it but at the same time i’ve done it before and enjoyed it a lot so it just kinda makes me mad because i want to be with this guy but my brain keeps telling me “what if you don’t like him you’re just playing with his feelings and you’re actually lesbian” and it makes me so mad because i don’t want to be gay at all. it’s never something i’ve ever thought about until a couple months ago when it randomly came on and started getting worse

It’s okay. Don’t be hard on yourself. If you’re nervous do it when you are ready. A good man will understand and will give you your space. Also all those things that your brain is saying, they’re just thoughts. It’s not who you are. You wouldn’t think twice or feel bad if your thought said that car is hideous. It’s just a thought. OCD has a great way of capturing what you care about and twisting it. It wants to beat you down into little pulps so that it can control you. Believe in yourself. Your core values. I hear that he makes you happy. I also hear your OCD upsetting you. Here’s another thing that a thought is just a thought. We fearif we believe in all the things OCD tells us(bad things would happen) then we would have to believe the opposite to be true. But no matter how positively I think that I’d win a lotto-I never win :( lol my point is just because you think it doesn’t mean it’s true or will come true.

thank you so much you’re really helping me out right now. i’ve understood that if i was truly lesbian i wouldn’t be upset or anxious at these thoughts but they just bring me so much discomfort and just not okay with them or wanting to ever do what any of my thoughts say so i understand that it’s HOCD and so i’ve been trying to just sit with the uncertainty it’s just still kinda hard to be with a guy when i have all these thoughts flying at me ya know? but thank you so so much

Aww, I’m happy to hear that. You are right! If you are truly a lesbian or curious you wouldn’t be anxious. We get anxious about “bad” things like bills. And who loves bills? Lol there’s this video I watched about extreme OVD boot camp. The therapist tells his OCD sufferers to not just sit with it but go a step further and saying “maybe it’ll happen”. So in your case you’d say “maybe I am a lesbian”. It’s hard but maybe that may help? It is very difficult but do what you can. Take it slow if you must. It’s a journey to recovery at your pace. So don’t feel pressured or rushed. You already opened up yourself to a man who you like. That in itself is a brave thing to do. Keep up the great work! You are strong!

awe thank you so much you’re helping me so much! i’m gonna try and do that and just take it slow so thank you very much

it sucks because i’ve met some really good guys and i’ve wanted to do stuff but i’m just scared too and it suckss

yeah exactly it’s just worrisome