OCDwho?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
CatalinaaaCatalinaaa
- Date posted
- 2y
Hi! Yes, same here, I have SO-OCD and ROCD and although I've had some great weeks without ruminating, these past few days have been rough. I can't even remember why I started the cycle all over again, but at some point it feels like I've already accepted that I'm lesbian, other times feels like I'm in denial, etc. We were just kissing and cuddling with my boyfriend and I started thinking "what if I don't want him to touch me" "what if I don't like his kisses" I'm also 3 months pregnant with my first baby and I think "what if I should have start a family with a woman" "what if I get bored of this straight relationship in the future?" There are days where I KNOW that I love him unconditionally, I the feeling is so strong, but there are days like today where I just can't stop doubting and it's so stressfull. Other thing that really hurt me was that I was seeing a therapist that told me once that this was just an identity crisis and that I should accept that everyone could be bisexual at aome point of their lives, and that OCD usually starts because of a background trauma, and If I didn't had one then It must mean something. This words are completely stuck to my brain. I'm trying to think everyday that well, if I have days when I feel extremely in love with my boyfriend, then I'm not gay, but it's really really hard. I get you, and you have support here. Hope you're feeling better :)
Anonymously2 Anonymously2
- Date posted
- 2y
I can relate to this sooo bad. With what your therapist said, is exactly what mine said. It’s an identity crisis time (because of my age I’m 19) and that made me question so much if I should figure things out and that made me think ‘what if I’m gonna find out I’m gay’ I don’t want too it makes me so stressed, I’ve also had better and worse days of ruminating
OCDwho?OCDwho?
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
I analyze that too or I’ll be going through my day and get a random thought of him kissing my neck or something and i think “you didn’t really like that” so it gets ma actually questioning if I did or did not and if I’m into him or not. That’s just an example of the constant thoughts I have apart from others that are a result of my SO OCD
Anonymously2 Anonymously2
- Date posted
- 2y
@OCDwho? Yes same. But on the other hand. Like today I was fantasising about a boy I have a crush on and I didn’t had those thoughts and was enjoying it. And then I think: ‘you see the thoughts are not true’ and I make myself clear I should never worry about it anymore because I have it clear. But yeah that’s also a compulsion I guess and just a satisfaction for a minute
Brendan =]Brendan =]
- Date posted
- 2y
These therapists, like many out there, shouldn’t be therapists, or at the very least haven’t been properly trained in this. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Bring these things up with an OCD therapist and they’ll help you move on from these untrue words.
TrippGTrippG
- Date posted
- 2y
Yes, the thoughts tell me “I don’t love him” and even one time said “He isn’t real”, it took me weeks to realize that these were just thoughts and not real. Try to separate the thought and your real emotions.
Brendan =]Brendan =]
- Date posted
- 2y
Hey all! I’m new here and just wanted to say that while I don’t have SOOCD, I am actually gay and am happy to be a resource and to help in any way I can. While it’s only possible for me to imagine what it’s like to have SOOCD, I have had fears that I would harm someone, and can kind of feel in my gut the difference between my OCD fears and my genuine homosexuality. If I can be of help in any way, please respond to this. I’m very polite. =]
Anon11230Anon11230
- Date posted
- 2y
What does the difference feel like ?
Anonymously2 Anonymously2
- Date posted
- 2y
I understand, I only had rocd with my now ex boyfriend. But yeah it makes everything hard and makes you doubt everything. Now I’m out of the relationship I struggle with so-ocd and with intense anxiety if I’m good enough. With my ex I also struggled with sex, I had so much anxiety and thoughts I couldn’t enjoy it and it made the thoughts much worse. And it still does.
Brendan =]Brendan =]
- Date posted
- 2y
Being gay is just a reality for me. There’s no doubt or wonder. I’m also secure in my gender, and my love for animals. They all just feel like facts. I’ve never really had interest in females. Fears on the other hand feel like knots of anxiety, stress, and wondering. They cause intense internal debates and cause me to go back and forth.
Anon11230Anon11230
- Date posted
- 2y
Im starting to feel like it’s a reality for me too after battling so long so not even sure it’s SOOCD at this point
Brendan =]Brendan =]
- Date posted
- 2y
Honestly, that sounds like OCD. I just know I’m gay and don’t ever debate it or fear it, or wonder. If you’re gay, you just know, and usually from a very very young age.
Brendan =]Brendan =]
- Date posted
- 2y
Also, OCD is a disorder of doubt and wonder. If you were gay, you wouldn’t spend any time on these questions, I don’t think.
Anonymously2 Anonymously2
- Date posted
- 2y
@Brendan =D I hope your right because I have so-ocd thoughts too, it haunts me everyday and it keeps me from being happy. Before it started I never questioned my sexuality. And the moments the thoughts and anxiety are on the background I can enjoy everything, like boys I feel attracted to them and don’t question anything (I’m a girl) but the thoughts and doubting always comes back and then I question everything again. It’s so horrible
Anonymously2 Anonymously2
- Date posted
- 2y
@Brendan =D But I’m not diagnosed yet. I’m talking to a therapist and they often speak about control ocd, fear of rejection etc
Legallyocd Legallyocd
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
@Brendan =D Hi Brendan ! I have a soocd. I’m straight and sometimes I mentally get in a loop that I want to have sex with a girl and will enjoy it more. I wanted to ask, are there ever times where you have any doubt about your sexuality but you just don’t buy into those thoughts or feelings ?
Brendan =]Brendan =]
- Date posted
- 2y
@Legallyocd Nope. I’m as sure I’m gay as I am sure that the sky is blue. I Never doubt it. Women just don’t do anything for me like other guys do.
Anon11230Anon11230
- Date posted
- 2y
I think for me it’s probably both , when this started I realized I was noticing men and it bothered me so much but it could of been denial all this time
Related posts
Anonymous
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 25w
Pls I need advice
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
vaiiolyn
- Date posted
- 14w
feeling helpless
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
MM311
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 13w
relationship ocd?
for me it’s getting to the point where i don’t feel in love with my boyfriend anymore. i’m trying to keep myself from compulsing since my compulsions are all mental. it’s like the thoughts consume my mind every second of every day and i can’t catch a break. it’s like i want to be with him so bad but my brain won’t allow me. any advice?
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