- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi! Yes, same here, I have SO-OCD and ROCD and although I've had some great weeks without ruminating, these past few days have been rough. I can't even remember why I started the cycle all over again, but at some point it feels like I've already accepted that I'm lesbian, other times feels like I'm in denial, etc. We were just kissing and cuddling with my boyfriend and I started thinking "what if I don't want him to touch me" "what if I don't like his kisses" I'm also 3 months pregnant with my first baby and I think "what if I should have start a family with a woman" "what if I get bored of this straight relationship in the future?" There are days where I KNOW that I love him unconditionally, I the feeling is so strong, but there are days like today where I just can't stop doubting and it's so stressfull. Other thing that really hurt me was that I was seeing a therapist that told me once that this was just an identity crisis and that I should accept that everyone could be bisexual at aome point of their lives, and that OCD usually starts because of a background trauma, and If I didn't had one then It must mean something. This words are completely stuck to my brain. I'm trying to think everyday that well, if I have days when I feel extremely in love with my boyfriend, then I'm not gay, but it's really really hard. I get you, and you have support here. Hope you're feeling better :)
I can relate to this sooo bad. With what your therapist said, is exactly what mine said. It’s an identity crisis time (because of my age I’m 19) and that made me question so much if I should figure things out and that made me think ‘what if I’m gonna find out I’m gay’ I don’t want too it makes me so stressed, I’ve also had better and worse days of ruminating
I analyze that too or I’ll be going through my day and get a random thought of him kissing my neck or something and i think “you didn’t really like that” so it gets ma actually questioning if I did or did not and if I’m into him or not. That’s just an example of the constant thoughts I have apart from others that are a result of my SO OCD
@OCDwho? Yes same. But on the other hand. Like today I was fantasising about a boy I have a crush on and I didn’t had those thoughts and was enjoying it. And then I think: ‘you see the thoughts are not true’ and I make myself clear I should never worry about it anymore because I have it clear. But yeah that’s also a compulsion I guess and just a satisfaction for a minute
These therapists, like many out there, shouldn’t be therapists, or at the very least haven’t been properly trained in this. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Bring these things up with an OCD therapist and they’ll help you move on from these untrue words.
Yes, the thoughts tell me “I don’t love him” and even one time said “He isn’t real”, it took me weeks to realize that these were just thoughts and not real. Try to separate the thought and your real emotions.
Hey all! I’m new here and just wanted to say that while I don’t have SOOCD, I am actually gay and am happy to be a resource and to help in any way I can. While it’s only possible for me to imagine what it’s like to have SOOCD, I have had fears that I would harm someone, and can kind of feel in my gut the difference between my OCD fears and my genuine homosexuality. If I can be of help in any way, please respond to this. I’m very polite. =]
What does the difference feel like ?
I understand, I only had rocd with my now ex boyfriend. But yeah it makes everything hard and makes you doubt everything. Now I’m out of the relationship I struggle with so-ocd and with intense anxiety if I’m good enough. With my ex I also struggled with sex, I had so much anxiety and thoughts I couldn’t enjoy it and it made the thoughts much worse. And it still does.
Being gay is just a reality for me. There’s no doubt or wonder. I’m also secure in my gender, and my love for animals. They all just feel like facts. I’ve never really had interest in females. Fears on the other hand feel like knots of anxiety, stress, and wondering. They cause intense internal debates and cause me to go back and forth.
Im starting to feel like it’s a reality for me too after battling so long so not even sure it’s SOOCD at this point
Honestly, that sounds like OCD. I just know I’m gay and don’t ever debate it or fear it, or wonder. If you’re gay, you just know, and usually from a very very young age.
Also, OCD is a disorder of doubt and wonder. If you were gay, you wouldn’t spend any time on these questions, I don’t think.
@Brendan =D I hope your right because I have so-ocd thoughts too, it haunts me everyday and it keeps me from being happy. Before it started I never questioned my sexuality. And the moments the thoughts and anxiety are on the background I can enjoy everything, like boys I feel attracted to them and don’t question anything (I’m a girl) but the thoughts and doubting always comes back and then I question everything again. It’s so horrible
@Brendan =D But I’m not diagnosed yet. I’m talking to a therapist and they often speak about control ocd, fear of rejection etc
@Brendan =D Hi Brendan ! I have a soocd. I’m straight and sometimes I mentally get in a loop that I want to have sex with a girl and will enjoy it more. I wanted to ask, are there ever times where you have any doubt about your sexuality but you just don’t buy into those thoughts or feelings ?
@Legallyocd Nope. I’m as sure I’m gay as I am sure that the sky is blue. I Never doubt it. Women just don’t do anything for me like other guys do.
I think for me it’s probably both , when this started I realized I was noticing men and it bothered me so much but it could of been denial all this time
I’m struggling with something I’m afraid to even admit out loud. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone I love deeply. He’s kind, safe, and emotionally close to me — and we’ve built a life together. But I keep obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction anymore. Or maybe… I never truly did? At the beginning, I felt butterflies, excitement, connection — and I assumed that meant I was also attracted to him physically. But now, after reading so much and reflecting more deeply, I’m starting to wonder if I ever truly felt sexual desire in the way I was “supposed to.” Maybe my feelings were more about emotional longing, comfort, and romantic closeness — but not sexual chemistry. And now I don’t know what that means. OCD makes it so much worse. It constantly tells me: – “If you really loved him, you’d want him.” – “You’re leading him on.” – “What if you’re lying to yourself?” – “If you try to fix this and fail, you’ll have to leave.” I feel stuck between wanting to fight for this relationship — and being terrified that trying will just prove it’s hopeless. Has anyone experienced something like this? Can OCD really make you question something so deeply personal? And how do you move forward when even trying feels terrifying? Any thoughts or support would mean the world right now.
I’m really anxious because I know my ocd is really bad right now so I shouldn’t try to figure it out cause my thinking is a mess but I’ve been having feelings of like I’m not sure if I love him anymore or worrying that I haven’t felt a lot like numb (a lot because ocd has been getting worse and worse) and thinking of like how I’ve been focusing on the negatives and only been looking at him through that lens and analyzing and also feeling like I don’t want this anymore. Basically just like negative thinking in feeling like I’m really scared it’s that it’s I don’t love him cause I don’t want it to be over and the thought of having someone replace him makes me ill. But like it feels like I’m not seeing him how I used to and it makes me upset. Today I was near someone I was like oh this person is cute and then I was thinking that the possibility of meeting someone new sounds exciting and now I’m freaking out because this in combination with feeling like maybe I don’t love him anymore is bad. Also my thoughts keep changing. and like sometimes it feels like I don’t care at all and this has happened but like worst it’s ever been and then other times I’m like I do care I do still feel. I’m just really anxious has anyone else felt this before and it was still ocd? 😭😭
I am struggling so much with ROCD symptoms, and lately everything feels more and more real, like I am finally “realizing” that I don’t love my boyfriend anymore. When I think about him, about him speaking kindly to me, or about being with him — I feel no warmth inside me, no happiness, no calm. This makes me panic, and I start thinking that maybe this is the truth, that I don’t love him anymore or never did. It feels like my mind is connecting everything to “prove” I don’t love him — I even struggle now to remember good moments with him or any time when I felt love. When I am in his arms, instead of comfort, I feel anxious and disconnected. When he says sexual things, I feel disgust or nothing. I also had a really hard moment with my mom yesterday — I told her I don’t feel love anymore, and she told me that I am lying to myself, that I am hurting both him and myself. I keep hearing her words in my mind now. On top of this, someone on NOCD told me to focus on traits I admire about him, but when I try, nothing comes to mind and this scares me even more — like maybe I never truly loved him, I just liked the idea of having a boyfriend. I know I have read a lot about ROCD, I know about ERP, I know I should “let the feelings be there” and not fight them. But even though I know this, I feel so stuck, hopeless, and burned out. The thoughts feel so real now — like I have a gut feeling that I don’t love him anymore, that I’ve changed, and I’m just forcing myself. I am also afraid that deep down, maybe I don’t want to love him anymore, I just want to feel “normal” again — and this terrifies me. Lately I feel like everything feels more and more real — like the thoughts and this horrible feeling are the truth that I was denying all along. Now I feel almost numb, like I have accepted this horrible idea and I can’t connect to my emotions any I feel desperate. I don’t know what is real anymore. Please, if anyone can relate or give some guidance, I would be very grateful. 💔 (edited)
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