- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi! Yes, same here, I have SO-OCD and ROCD and although I've had some great weeks without ruminating, these past few days have been rough. I can't even remember why I started the cycle all over again, but at some point it feels like I've already accepted that I'm lesbian, other times feels like I'm in denial, etc. We were just kissing and cuddling with my boyfriend and I started thinking "what if I don't want him to touch me" "what if I don't like his kisses" I'm also 3 months pregnant with my first baby and I think "what if I should have start a family with a woman" "what if I get bored of this straight relationship in the future?" There are days where I KNOW that I love him unconditionally, I the feeling is so strong, but there are days like today where I just can't stop doubting and it's so stressfull. Other thing that really hurt me was that I was seeing a therapist that told me once that this was just an identity crisis and that I should accept that everyone could be bisexual at aome point of their lives, and that OCD usually starts because of a background trauma, and If I didn't had one then It must mean something. This words are completely stuck to my brain. I'm trying to think everyday that well, if I have days when I feel extremely in love with my boyfriend, then I'm not gay, but it's really really hard. I get you, and you have support here. Hope you're feeling better :)
I can relate to this sooo bad. With what your therapist said, is exactly what mine said. It’s an identity crisis time (because of my age I’m 19) and that made me question so much if I should figure things out and that made me think ‘what if I’m gonna find out I’m gay’ I don’t want too it makes me so stressed, I’ve also had better and worse days of ruminating
I analyze that too or I’ll be going through my day and get a random thought of him kissing my neck or something and i think “you didn’t really like that” so it gets ma actually questioning if I did or did not and if I’m into him or not. That’s just an example of the constant thoughts I have apart from others that are a result of my SO OCD
@OCDwho? Yes same. But on the other hand. Like today I was fantasising about a boy I have a crush on and I didn’t had those thoughts and was enjoying it. And then I think: ‘you see the thoughts are not true’ and I make myself clear I should never worry about it anymore because I have it clear. But yeah that’s also a compulsion I guess and just a satisfaction for a minute
These therapists, like many out there, shouldn’t be therapists, or at the very least haven’t been properly trained in this. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Bring these things up with an OCD therapist and they’ll help you move on from these untrue words.
Yes, the thoughts tell me “I don’t love him” and even one time said “He isn’t real”, it took me weeks to realize that these were just thoughts and not real. Try to separate the thought and your real emotions.
Hey all! I’m new here and just wanted to say that while I don’t have SOOCD, I am actually gay and am happy to be a resource and to help in any way I can. While it’s only possible for me to imagine what it’s like to have SOOCD, I have had fears that I would harm someone, and can kind of feel in my gut the difference between my OCD fears and my genuine homosexuality. If I can be of help in any way, please respond to this. I’m very polite. =]
What does the difference feel like ?
I understand, I only had rocd with my now ex boyfriend. But yeah it makes everything hard and makes you doubt everything. Now I’m out of the relationship I struggle with so-ocd and with intense anxiety if I’m good enough. With my ex I also struggled with sex, I had so much anxiety and thoughts I couldn’t enjoy it and it made the thoughts much worse. And it still does.
Being gay is just a reality for me. There’s no doubt or wonder. I’m also secure in my gender, and my love for animals. They all just feel like facts. I’ve never really had interest in females. Fears on the other hand feel like knots of anxiety, stress, and wondering. They cause intense internal debates and cause me to go back and forth.
Im starting to feel like it’s a reality for me too after battling so long so not even sure it’s SOOCD at this point
Honestly, that sounds like OCD. I just know I’m gay and don’t ever debate it or fear it, or wonder. If you’re gay, you just know, and usually from a very very young age.
Also, OCD is a disorder of doubt and wonder. If you were gay, you wouldn’t spend any time on these questions, I don’t think.
@Brendan =D I hope your right because I have so-ocd thoughts too, it haunts me everyday and it keeps me from being happy. Before it started I never questioned my sexuality. And the moments the thoughts and anxiety are on the background I can enjoy everything, like boys I feel attracted to them and don’t question anything (I’m a girl) but the thoughts and doubting always comes back and then I question everything again. It’s so horrible
@Brendan =D But I’m not diagnosed yet. I’m talking to a therapist and they often speak about control ocd, fear of rejection etc
@Brendan =D Hi Brendan ! I have a soocd. I’m straight and sometimes I mentally get in a loop that I want to have sex with a girl and will enjoy it more. I wanted to ask, are there ever times where you have any doubt about your sexuality but you just don’t buy into those thoughts or feelings ?
@Legallyocd Nope. I’m as sure I’m gay as I am sure that the sky is blue. I Never doubt it. Women just don’t do anything for me like other guys do.
I think for me it’s probably both , when this started I realized I was noticing men and it bothered me so much but it could of been denial all this time
I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.
I have just recently realized that I had SO OCD. This began whenever I was watching porn and had an intrusive thought about the guy in the porn. It was more minor at first, it was a majority of what I was thinking about throughout the day but it didn’t feel as distressing at first. If I had downtime to think about it, it would affect me but if I was just going about my day I wouldn’t notice it. I began going through the compulsions of checking myself. This lasted for a while until another obsession occurred. Then it seemed as if my SO OCD took a step back. I would have flare ups but they would seem to pass. Recently, I had a very bad night of constant compulsions and looking at pictures and imagining things to check myself. After that night it was very distressing, it affected me to the point where people around me began to notice and ask me if I was okay. One of the big reasons I was so upset was my girlfriend, we have been together for over 3 years and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I was thinking “Oh my god, if I am gay I can never be with her.” I would sit and cry about it thinking I would lose her and that might life would change because I was gay. I finally had enough and talked to her and my parents. We did some research and I was so shocked to find out that I had a form of OCD, it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders just knowing that other people have been where I am and that I’m not gay. However, I may have naively expected the compulsions and obsessive thoughts to go away now that I knew I had an actual problem. But I found that the compulsions and thoughts were still there and I was going to put some effort into getting better. I have researched and now know what to do when experiencing intrusive thoughts, yet I still have been performing the compulsions which is just feeding into the OCD. I find myself having intrusive thoughts and then start performing compulsions to see if they are true. What really bothers me is when I have an intrusive thought that tells me that I do like something. But when I think about it I have no desire to pursue those thoughts. However when I feed into the compulsions they just seem to feed into each other. It is like my OCD ignores all the things that I know I like and goes straight to panic mode. I am also trying to do ERP and am going to start doing my best to get better. Does anyone have any tips for not performing the compulsions no matter how anxious you are feeling and no matter how real the intrusive thoughts seem to feel?
I’m struggling with something I’m afraid to even admit out loud. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone I love deeply. He’s kind, safe, and emotionally close to me — and we’ve built a life together. But I keep obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction anymore. Or maybe… I never truly did? At the beginning, I felt butterflies, excitement, connection — and I assumed that meant I was also attracted to him physically. But now, after reading so much and reflecting more deeply, I’m starting to wonder if I ever truly felt sexual desire in the way I was “supposed to.” Maybe my feelings were more about emotional longing, comfort, and romantic closeness — but not sexual chemistry. And now I don’t know what that means. OCD makes it so much worse. It constantly tells me: – “If you really loved him, you’d want him.” – “You’re leading him on.” – “What if you’re lying to yourself?” – “If you try to fix this and fail, you’ll have to leave.” I feel stuck between wanting to fight for this relationship — and being terrified that trying will just prove it’s hopeless. Has anyone experienced something like this? Can OCD really make you question something so deeply personal? And how do you move forward when even trying feels terrifying? Any thoughts or support would mean the world right now.
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