POCD Struggles - advice wanted

I work at a summer camp and have POCD and it’s the most awful thing…I really care about the kids a lot, and I try to just remind myself that OCD attacks the things I care about the most. Heck, a few years ago I had harm OCD about my best friend and my family, and I now that doesn’t bother me at all…but POCD is the one I haven’t been able to shake even after all these years and having been through therapy for OCD before… I think one of the main reasons why is the groinal response. I know logically that it doesn’t mean anything and do my best to just ignore it and let it pass. And the sad thing is, it was actually getting a lot better, the intrusive thoughts and groinal responses. But my upped medication was making me sleepy, and I figured that I should try a different one since I had upped it for a reason, and it was making me WAY too sleepy. Now I regret ever trying to switch my medication. I switched from citalopram to Prozac, and my doctor said that they’re in the same family so it should be fine. But the Prozac did nothing. Nothing at all. So after 3 years of taking citalopram, I suddenly feel as if I don’t have any anxiety meds in my body. But all at once, like a truck hitting me. And I just really wish I would have stuck it out with the citalopram and just waited to go back to therapy instead… But now I’ve just been having constant groinal responses at work and I don’t know how to make them stop. It feels so uncomfortable, disgusting, and unwanted. And I try to ignore it and let it be there but it still just won’t stop. And I just don’t know what to do until the citalopram kicks back in again and until I can go to a therapist again…and this might be my last year at this camp too, which will break my heart if the last two weeks are remembered as being one big trigger. Today I did my best to just push past it and to have fun, and there were definitely some good moments today, but overall I just felt uncomfortable and like I wanted to run away and scream. Does anybody have any tips or advice?

dragon_calves

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

That is so hard. I hear you on the med thing. I got off mine altogether and have been regretting it big time. I think it is great you are still working. Try to be in the moment as much as possible. How do you respond to the intrusive thoughts?

Leaff

Date posted: 3y

For the intrusive thoughts I think I’m pretty good at letting them be there. Sometimes they nag at me but I generally don’t let them persist for very long. With the groinal responses though I guess I couldn’t stop thinking about how uncomfortable they were? I tried to be in the moment despite the discomfort and sometimes it worked, most of the time I could still just feel it nagging at me in the background

dragon_calves

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

@lyss1205 Gotcha! How about the intrusive thoughts about the groinal responses? You also try to just let them be?

Leaff

Date posted: 3y

@dragon_calves The weird thing is, they happen almost automatically, without any distinct thought. It’s like the association happens so quickly from previous intrusive thoughts. But there is a wave of anxiety that goes with it. When there are specific thoughts I do my best to let it be

dragon_calves

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

@lyss1205 I can definitely relate and I totally think automatic associations happen over time. What I am trying to do is at least “catch” it, so that overtime it becomes easier to distance myself from the thoughts :)

Leaff

Date posted: 3y

@dragon_calves I’m glad to know I’m not the only one! I’ll definitely keep that in mind :)

Leaff

Date posted: 3y

Update: Today was much much better. I honestly am not even 100% sure what I changed to make it better, but I definitely tried to be kind to myself and really just relax last night. And today I guess I was just…more used to it and expecting it? And it definitely wasn’t perfect but I had a much better day. I think I was calmer about it and thought of it more as “my body is going to check for this because I’m worried about it.” Instead of letting it get the better of my anxiety as much. So yeah! Somehow it got better again like it always seems to do. Hopefully soon I can go back to therapy and work toward making the better times a lot more lasting :)

dragon_calves

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Yay that is great! Sometimes we don’t know why we are better…but we’ll take it :)

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

POCD and changing baby diaper - please help

Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 6w

POCD groinals

Havent been on in a while but todays rough. Had a major ocd episode. Its literally ocd number one million different iteration In summary i saw teen boys had intrusive thoughts. Looked away. Moved my foot which had a groinal and the pcd hyperfixation of them being in my side view and the additional intrusive thoughts saying “the false attraction and groinal non concordance means i aroused over them” followed by intense gut wrenching guilt sick to my stomach is what ocd is making me ruminate and provlem solve and feel guilt and stuck and question y intention even thiugh i know my true self. Also i tried doing what others have said by responding “maybe, maybe not” and just agreeing with the thought to shut it up. I know i wasnt arousing over thr boys and wasnt checking tbem out and im not a pedophile and not attracted to teen boys or boys/men period. I know groinals are a natural occurence and ocd symptom . I just had this random intense ocd episode. I was standing at the store and seen two teenage kids. I had intrusive thought they were handsome but i dont think they were handsome. I looked away but still seen them in the corner of my eyes and i adjust my foot which caused a groinal. I looked at them and their mom twice i think then looked away but my ocd hyperfocused on them in my peripheal view and since i had a groinal ocd had followed up with another intrusivr thought saying this means i aroused over them and its pedophilic and then i felt a gut wrenching disgust and guilt. I dont want any of this. I know im not a pedophile. I know i wasnt checking them out or arousing myself. I just was looking at people like normal and had intrusivr thoughts and groinals. I looked away as a compulsion but since i still seen them in my peripheal and didnt completely block them out ocd says it means i wanted to see them and chrck tbem out and arouse myself. This is ego dystonic. Its causing me extreme distress and gut wrenching guilt. I dont even think theyre handsome and im not a pedophile. Ocd makes me feel guilty and doubt if i did something wrong. These intrusive thoughts and feelings are intense It all happened so fast i saw the boys. I had the ocd thoughts. I looked twice. I felt anxiety so looked away but still seen thrm in my sode view and ocd was hyperfocused screaming to me theyre there like a lion was next to me. I simply moved my foot which caused a groinal reaction. Then ocd followed with the intrusivr thought “you aroused yourself youre a pedo” etc and then the gut wrenching guilt and dosgust followed but i know its ego dystonic and not who i am and ocd thought number one million because ive had this before. A compulsion would be closing my eyes or looking away so they wouldnt even be in my peripheal and since i only partially looked away ocd said it means i was doing something inappropriate but i knoe thats not true I know i was already feeling anxious because of the large crowd. I know i was just looking in their general direction nothing wrong and had intrusivr thoughts. Then i looked away at a guy next to me to distract myself from these intrusive thoughts and from the boys. Plus me looking away to the guy and all i did was move my foot and that motion plus the anxiety caused a groinal. So OCD said “you aroused over the boys= POCD” and since i basiclaly did a semi compulsion semi erp i looked away to avoid the kids but still could see them in my peripheal view thats when ocd played on it and said i didnt fully avoid them so i mustve aroused over them but i know its all ego dystonic. A real pedophile wouldnt feel guilt or anxiety or discomfort or gut wrenching feelings and wouldnt avoid looking. Theyd look and enjoy it. I was extremelt uncomfortable and the groinal was uncomfortable. I dont even think the boys were good looking. Its the gut wrenching guilt symptom of ocd and the intrusive thougjts that make it feel real and keep stuck in the loop In summary i saw teen boys had intrusive thoughts. Looked away. Moved my foot which had a groinal and the pcd hyperfixation of them being in my side view and the additional intrusive thoughts saying “the false attraction and groinal non concordance means i aroused over them” followed by intense gut wrenching guilt sick to my stomach is what ocd is making me ruminate and provlem solve and feel guilt and stuck and question y intention even thiugh i know my true self. Also i tried doing what others have said by responding “maybe, maybe not” and just agreeing with the thought to shut it up. I know i wasnt arousing over thr boys and wasnt checking tbem out and im not a pedophile and not attracted to teen boys or boys/men period. I know groinals are a natural occurence and ocd symptom

Andrew Escobar

Date posted: 6w

🫠

Okay so I have been struggling with pocd. And I have been getting better but now my ocd is telling me that I'm proving it right by slowly started to get better. For example, after so long of trying my hardest to avoid anything protaining to children I realized that I have to in order to get better. So I've been letting myself go out more and yk see children. The intrusive thoughts are still there though. Which is feeding into it trying to convince me that it's real. It feels like it does that anytime I'm a step closer to getting better. Does anyone have any advice on how to help it? I struggle with mental checks and responding. I know that I should let it pass but it's so difficult. The intrusive thoughts have been getting worse too. They pop up over the smallest things. It's all just jumping to insane conclusions and I'm so sick of it. I just want to be better.

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