ROCD with real event?

I have a similiar situation. My OCD is stuck on small mistakes my partner made in the past. Are you seeing a therapist?

You can never be totally sure if this is your OCD in anything. But it sounds like it is very possible. Anyways, what you need to do is change the way you are thinking. Because these thoughts and fears are coming from your mind, fairly in reaction to what your husband did before. It’s very understandable for you to react in an offended way. But the fear of loss is creating additional anxiety that the negative possibility is higher than the positive possibility. They are both possible there, and will always be there. But your life is only occurring now and you have to get used to not focusing so much on the future. Just try to know you can do your best each day to accept different things in life.

Sometimes I fight the thought so much and say “alright this is dumb and no way” and I see a moment of clarity for like 2 minutes but then I feel OCD creep in and say “yeah no you know it’s true you’re just denying it to yourself”. I want to also add my husband has been affected by this greatly. He’s sad and he too is anxious, he feels like I’m chipping away at his character based on someone who he isn’t anymore we were 23 and 24 at the time. He’s like I don’t even remember the person I used to be, when we discuss things like this I tell myself dude what were you thinking and I wouldn’t imagine doing that now.

Maybe it would be helpful to think about some counseling. There are couples therapy options for people with good or difficult marriages. And marriage is very hard for many people. Consider that you are still 2 people with differences, and need to give each other a chance for understanding.

The other day I went to the bathroom at a restaurant and when I came back I saw him eating alone and it broke my heart. It made me so sad to even think of him being alone ever. I know he depends on me a lot emotionally and I just want all this to go away so we can be happy again. I was legit happy 2 weeks ago! Idk what happened.

Geniebaby, you are the closest person I've encountered on here to my situation. I haven't gotten into specifics on this community but here goes. I did something stupid. I said to my wife "Remember the guy you were with who had the 13" penis, what was his name?" and she replied "Michael." It didn't help that she said "I was looking for something different before I met you." I completely had made this question up and don't know why I did it and I was so shocked by her response. So I have imagined my wife with this ex nonstop round the clock all night and day for 2 months. I know she would be devastated if I left, we have 3 beautiful kids together and a great relationship in all other ways. But I can't be with her if the visions don't stop. I wish you progress and healing and hope you and your husband find the way forward. The only thing I can think to tell you is the past does not exist. There is only the present. If he tells you he's into you and not your sister, I think you lean into that and embrace him. Sorry for the long post but I'll also share this. When I met my wife she had a crush on my boss (who became a very good friend of mine). So every time he's around yeah, I think about what a great guy he is, and how he's more "her type" in every way. But she says she lost interest a very long time ago despite him being a great guy and I believe her. When I think of photos of my exes there's no attraction there anymore. So even IF your husband was attracted to your sister, I bet there's no attraction now. And please do not think for an instant that men just care about "big boobs". He might have just been trying to talk that boyfriend into focusing on positives to focus on his girlfriend. As a man I have found flat chested women more attractive than women with huge breasts at least as often as I have found women with larger breasts more attractive. Don't you doubt his attraction to you for an instant. If he married you, says he's attracted to you and wants a future with you, I assure you, he picked you because he's into YOU, not another soul. I hope you find a way to let go and enjoy the happiness that is available to you in this moment.

I can’t tell you how much this puts things into perspective. Often times than not I feel like I’m the only one with this kind of thinking/thoughts. Sometimes I worry the only way away from the thoughts is to leave but that would devastate the both of us and I swear that is not an option for me. We have a beautiful marriage and it’s not because it’s ours it’s because we do work so well together. My heart knows he’s here for me and only me, in moments of clarity I absolutely know that but when OCD rolls in (which I also doubt when it is present) it clouds that and goes back to that time, almost a decade ago and I ask well what about then? I guess I never really understood what “guy talk” was and I have never really mentioned this to any other male other than my husband so it’s nice to hear it from another man’s point of view. I keep telling myself it’s a possibility not a probability. Possibility can be .1% that it’s true, why cant I take the other 99.9% of its falseness and run with it. Anyone else with a disease would be thrilled with those odds but I guess it’s not “good enough” because we want to be the fly on the wall and know it all in it’s absolute.

My bf was showing me memes and as he slided over to new pictures a video was there where it looked like a screen record of his phone opening up a snapchat to a nudity of some woman. He deleted it too quickly for me to analyze. The uncertainty haunts me till this day. It was over a year ago now. He swore with his life that there was no woman that he does not know the woman that he had no idea how it got there. I snatched his phone quick and there was no Madison in his recents. I went through every single friend on social media. No girl named Madison to be found. I checked his phone randomly when I could for many months (he doesn't know that) and there was nothing bad to be seen. Other then him swearing he doesn't know how it got there, I got a it was a mistake and I'm sorry. I cry imagining it. It really isn't in his character to be a cheat, I'm in his will, I'm posted often, we live together. But I can't help the feeling he lied, because how does someone just have that on his phone ? Why couldn't he admit if it was just porn he found somewhere? Why can't I believe him what if he isn't lying and it was just some fucked up fluke? I either got gaslighted to an extreme end, or he's telling the truth. I have no way to prove either. He shows love to me in every way I want and it's been about 4 years now together. It was such a shock and surprise. My mom tells me he is not a dog, she can tell, and I should let it go. He swears he could never hurt me like that and I am the only person he could ever sees himself be with. If he wanted to cheat, he would just leave. He divorced an ex wife who cheated. I don't know if I'll get over this but I cannot see myself seeing goodbye to him because I feel like I need him and he really needs me.

I am, I do have OCD and I do take Prozac for it. I also went from working non stop, (I’m a nurse) to not working because we are in the middle of a move.

I’m def out of my routine. I just want my happiness and my marriage back. I also feel if I accept the mistake which happened 8 years ago at this point does that mean that it’s true? Mind you nothing has ever happened and no comments have been made again over the years. If my family is telling me it’s okay and that’s not the case why can’t I just believe the people that love me, especially my husband.

I guess that’s the exposure part to this, accepting there is a possibility but just because there is a possibility that doesn’t necessarily make it true no matter how it makes us feel.

When someone suggest couples counseling to me it makes my stomach drop, it makes me feel alright well this is it, never coming back from that you’re doomed. It’s such a fatalistic thing to say but that’s how I see it right now. My husband also thinks I should focus on my OCD first since it’s not only about us and when I feel right then we can go if we feel the need to.