I’m so tired.

I’m honestly just so tired. Everyday feels like some sort of chore and every time I get up I feel a immense amount of pain and sadness realizing I have to deal with my thoughts today. I don’t want to anymore and everyone keeps telling me it’s temporary but it’s just so painful now. I don’t have any patience for this it’s so awful. I have horrible thoughts all day. I just get so sad remembering how I used to have interest in so many things and love life but now I don’t even feel like living it anymore. It’s so exhausting mentally and even physically. I feel so tired all day now and have no motivation to be around the people I love because I feel like a horrible person. I get terrified and anxious all the time. There’s no end to it. No breaks. No peace. Just this constant suffering that I cannot cope with. I also feel so lost with myself lately. I don’t know who I am anymore. I thought I knew who I was and what I enjoyed doing but I don’t enjoy anything anymore because every waking second I’m tourtured with horrible sexual thoughts that I hate and don’t want anymore. I’m triggered by everything and I’m crawling out of my skin. I hate this. I tried hanging out with my friend today and barely could have a good conversation with her because I was so stressed out and trying not to cry my eyes out just like I do every single day. I can’t even enjoy things that most people find enjoyable . I honestly feel like giving up constantly but I just can’t because I’m praying it will get better. I’m too young for this. Do I really have to deal with this bullshit the rest of my life? I can’t do it.

zzyyxx

Date posted: 3y

Don't feel like a horrible person. Because you are not. I've been there before amd it took more than 8 months for me to finally see a therapist. With the right medication and therapy everything went better for me after that. But until that time everything was awful. Everything i see could be a trigger for me. And i remember i didn't want to be alone or i didn't want to be in crowded places. Because both were suffocating. It was the first year of college but i hated it. Because i had to get out of the house and face people. I just wanted to stay at home and crawl in my bed all day. It was desperate. I was desperate. But it gets better. With proper help you learn how to deal with rough moments like these. Just don't give up and don't lose your hope. I believe in you. You are stronger than you think. Whatever you do just keep going. Don't quit.

Gypsychick

Date posted: 3y

May I ask what medication helped you?

zzyyxx

Date posted: 3y

Well actually i tried various medicine before finding what helps me the best. I started with effexor and used it for a year. Then my therapist added risperdal but it had side effects on me so she switched to abilify. Then i gradually stopped taking my medicine after consulting my therapist. But a year later i started using effexor again but this time it wasn't working. So right now i'm using selectra.

Gypsychick

Date posted: 3y

Thank you so much for the info!

Vee4

Date posted: 18w

Rant

I'm really frustrated right now because once again I feel like I can't keep up with my own brain and I just can't keep doing this. I'm so tired of doing this. My head is always going and going and going and I just want to unplug it. It makes me so stressed. It's like I have someone else in my head who won't shut up and is always pointing everything I do out. Like I'm walking on eggshells around myself so I don't trigger these thoughts. But if I walk on egg shells then it just goes on about something else and I feel like I'm going crazy.. I feel so bad because it makes me so snappy. I want to bash my head in because I'm so over it. The only thing I know that helps is anxiety meds, because I had one one time and it actually really helped me (it didn't even do it's job! Because of how bad my anxiety is!! I'm just so desperate at this point for relief) But the last time I brought up going on meds for anxiety with my mom she said I'll get addicted, like my dad, or my grandma, or whoever else in my family because everyone in my family is addicted to SOMETHING. I don't see the issue in trying though. I feel like I'm someone who could really benefit from anxiety meds. I don't talk about my feelings often BECAUSE of anxiety, so it seems like I'm just trying to go on meds for no reason. But it's like..my body hurts. All the time. And my brain never stops. My brain is so messed up. I feel like I could do so much more if I wasn't like this. It's never going away, I've tried and I've tried and I'm still a mess. I just want it to stop. I'm not asking for much. I just want the fear to stop and the intrusive thoughts to stop and the racing thoughts and the feelings of doom and the nervousness and and I actually want to feel okay in my own skin for fucking once. I've tried everything nothing works im losing patience and I'm losing hope. I feel like there's something wrong with me. I feel like my brain is broken and that makes me sad to be honest. I feel like everyone around me can work. Why can't my stupid brain work???? I try so hard. I try so hard all the time. And it still doesn't do what it needs to do. I hate myself so much.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 16w

I don’t want to do this anymore

I’m struggling so much, I don’t know what’s changed. I was doing so well for a solid two months and now it’s been over a month of just my lowest point. My bf has gotten upset at how much I do compulsions and it’s taxing him too. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be my partner right now. I feel exhausted I’m tired of my OCD finding new things to obsess or worry over. I’m so TIRED of getting stuck on technicalities. I’m so exhausted with the constant intrusive thoughts and intrusive thinking. I’m so sick of how compulsive I get when I’m so riddled with anxiety. I don’t want to keep pushing. It feels pointless if my life is going to be a constant loop of ups and extreme lows. I feel like such a disgusting, embarrassing person. I don’t want love because I don’t feel like I deserve it. I don’t want patience or understanding because it makes me feel so guilty. Like no one is understanding how bad of person I could truly be. I’m so lost and tired of this

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 12w

I’m so tired I just wanna be free

I know I keep talking about This but I’m too tired :( I’m really struggling and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I might be the only person who experiences this in the way I do. It’s gotten so bad that during intimacy or self-pleasure, I feel like I’m acting on a thought — like my body is moving because of it. It’s terrifying and deeply hurtful. The moment it happens, I immediately panic, try to rewind everything in my head, and ruminate to figure out what I was thinking at that exact second… but I can never remember. That makes it even worse. feel so lost and hopeless, like I’ll never be able to heal or move on from this. People tell me “it’s just OCD,” but it doesn’t feel like OCD to me. It feels like I’m the exception — like no one else truly experiences it like this, especially the part where it feels like I physically responded to a thought. I know people say “others go through this too,” but my mind keeps saying, “not like this, not this specific thing.”Sometimes I just wish I could go back and relive those moments so I could be sure what happened, but I know that’s not possible. I feel so stuck in guilt and doubt that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m scared I’m a bad person and that I’ll always feel this way. I’ll never be free or be the same again everyday I live with deep depression

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I’m so tired.

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