Hey everyone. Hope you're all having a good night so far! I have been really struggling with a couple of specific themes lately, including the two that I posted as the title. I got a new kitten the other day and she's adorable! But the Harm OCD thoughts about her make me feel so disgusted with myself. I am so scared and I don't want people to know about this because I'm scared that they will shame me for getting a pet even though I "wasn't ready." The Harm OCD invaded my dreams last night, but not about my cat. So that was also pretty spooky. I also have been battling with a lot of my classic intrusive thoughts that I have to try and fight through by doing mental rituals to even the thoughts out. I feel like I'm faking this for attention even though I know it's real. I have been carrying a lot of guilt, and now people in my life who used to want to spend time with me are avoiding me now and it's bringing up a lot of obsessive thoughts that were based around past rejection from family and friends. I am so obsessed with certain events in my life that I just can't let go of. This ruminating is killing me. Sorry for the long and scattered post, my brain is just going so fast and I can barely keep up. I appreciate this community so much.

I struggle with the “faking it” thing too. It’s hard. Imposter syndrome is a real thing but the best thing for it, for me, is to know that a professional told me and I’m not a professional. Your OCD attacks your love for you kitten simply because you love it. It happens to me too. I used to have a gun in my house for protection, but living with my fiancé I had intrusive thoughts that I might intentionally hurt her. I would never do something like that but the thought felt real (like they all do when they’re happening) and I sold the gun because it was a trigger for self harm and regular harm intrusive thinking. It was that or dump my fiancé and I can tell you that it was an easy choice.

I hope you can get some peace from your thoughts soon. I've been having a little bit of a rough time the past week or two, but that's why I joined this site today. We just gotta keep going the best we can :) I know it will get better with some work. Hope you have a good rest of the night!

Here is a quote about guilt that helped me get through some hard times. “I imagine myself driving a car along the highway. Whenever I get one of those guilty thoughts, my car is out of alignment…it’s dragging right. So I pull over and assess the problem. I check to see if I need to make any adjustments. If I stole something, I should give it back. If I wronged someone, I need to make amends. Then I merge back on to the highway. Each time my car wants to rear off the main drive, I should ask myself, Is there something I need to do? If not, I need to get my car back on the road." It was helpful for me to realize when I really did make a mistake and when my brain is just trying to make me feel like a bad person. Feeling like a bad person is shame, and shame is a toxic emotion. It inhibits personal growth and you don't deserve that. No one does.