help - POCD topic

Is it POCD if I don’t think about sexual things every time/not very often? For example, I’ll just see something that triggers it or even an image in my head and I feel down there reacting, even when I don’t have the thoughts I react. I don’t feel much anxiety because I’ve gotten much better, but I’m still worried. Which makes me scared, am I really a bad person in denial? I’ve also had “down there” be more active than usual, when not even thinking about my obsession which just makes me uncomfortable because I worry that if I feel like that now without any reason, why do I feel like that around certain people? Is it really attraction? Am I in denial? I keep wondering if I’m thinking about stuff I shouldn’t when I can’t even tell and that’s why I’m just so anxious, I really want therapy but I can’t really afford to. Am I self diagnosing just to feel better about being a pedo or is it really ocd? How can I go from hating kids to having such reactions and thoughts.. I’ve always had a lot of issues with overthinking and the average ocd symptom’s but I’m still really concerned

Mickey1041

Date posted: 3y

Yeah, real p’s actively seek out being alone with children. I understand looking for reassurance but reassurance seeking that you’re not one is I guess not great for our disorder. Trust that you aren’t and all the work you’ve put in has shown you it. The very fact that you have OCD and are struggling with these thoughts means you aren’t the bad person your thoughts accuse you of being. Your brain just tells you that you are.

𝐇𝐢𝐦

Date posted: 3y

Thank you, this helped me a bit.:) I just have the concern that real pedos can have denial too, like exactly what I’m experiencing and my brain keeps telling me that.

Mickey1041

Date posted: 3y

@Denki Ohhhh do I get it. First off love the name, great character. Hoping he doesn’t have DID with the eclectically opposite charge thing but we’ll see what the writers do with the character! You can do it, OCD is a doubting disorder and of course you’re going to doubt the doubt about that one doubt while you were doubting the other day lol! But we can help it, and you are brave and stronger for being able to overcome each moment as they come!

𝐇𝐢𝐦

Date posted: 3y

@Mickey1041 Yeah! denki is a great character, he was one of my favorites when I first watched the anime lol, I wonder what will happen next, I’ve been hearing about bakugo dying which I’m not really looking forward to🥲 Also, yeah I’ve been getting better it’s just really slow and stressful 🥲 so much doubt, and it feels real sometimes !! Thank you for listening though, it really helps to talk to someone whose experienced similar things.

Mickey1041

Date posted: 3y

@Denki It will get better! I’ve been in recovery since November of last year and it takes a while but at some point you’ll realize that you’re feeling better and you can do all the things you love to do again with energy and passion. I’ve recently had a lapse since I got COVID a couple weeks ago so that has made things difficult but even through it I’m finding resources and drawing in my support system to get better. Every day is a little bit better than the last. I stg if they actually kill Bakugo I’m gonna throw my phone lol. I mean I get it for the purpose of plot but dang that would hurt.

𝐇𝐢𝐦

Date posted: 3y

@Mickey1041 Yeah I really hope my life can go back to normal, I mean it’s never been happy but atleast it wasn’t *this*. Killing bakugo would probably cause deku to become a stronger hero or motivate those around them to work harder to defeat the villains? No clue haha I haven’t been paying much attention to mha

Mickey1041

Date posted: 3y

@hehim I get you, I’m trying to get the same thing. I just want to live without each moment feeling like it’s about to “get bad” which feels a lot less than it has.

goggles🧝🏾‍♀️

Date posted: 3y

real p's are at least 16 and have the desire to do things with children & they don't worry about it.

𝐇𝐢𝐦

Date posted: 3y

I don’t think that’s true, the age part. But yeah, I don’t have the desire, I actually hate the idea or just anything of that subject but I can’t help but worry

anonymous2580

Date posted: 25w

Remembering things from my childhood

(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.

Shaodidi

Date posted: 12w

I don’t understand who I am

TW So I haven’t been diagnosed with pocd, but many ppl said that I have it. I was in bed when I remembered this time when I first started experiencing what I hope is false attraction not actual pedophilia, I’m looking back on it rn n I’m worried it wasn’t false attraction, I remember feeling a sense of attraction when I saw that kid, I was about14 at the time and the kid was 11 or 12. I remember constantly searching to see if it was normal for a 14 year old to like a 12 or 11 year old, I was worried when I was doing that i think, I also kept walking pass her to look at her i think to check if i was attracted or not, but it makes me worried that I was attracted to her because im worried that i did it bc i was actually attracted. now looking back on it rn, I don’t feel panic, worry, shame, or guilt, I originally only felt panic and worry, never shame or guilt. Now I don’t feel any of it, not feeling panic and worry now makes me think that I am a p, I don’t want to be a p. I hope im not a p, Ive talked to a therapist and they’ve said that it’s pocd, but it wasn’t a official diagnosis, I’m worried it was a false diagnosis because I lied on one or two of the questions. I also constantly get senses of what I hope is false attraction when I see some kids, and I keep trying to figure out if it is real or false attraction. Also some other time today I was feeling aroused and I wanted to m#sturbate, but then thoughts of kids started popping up, I think that I didn’t like them, I’m not sure any more, but while I was finishing the thoughts kept comigg by, idk what it means but it felt like I enjoyed it, which made me worried, but after I finished the thoughts disappeared a lot more, idk why that happened idk what it means, could someone give me some advice pls?? I don’t wanna be a pedo. All of that happening makes me feel like I am one, can someone give me advice on what’s happening and what I am??

POCD

Shaodidi

Date posted: 11w

Doubting pocd

So I just read a Reddit post about how this guy found out that he was a pedo because of how he started feeling that he was still attracted to middle schoolers as a 14 year old in high school and it never changed even when he got into adulthood. I’m currently under the age of 16 and I’m worried of my attraction feelings I felt towards some kids I’ve seen on social media and real life, I’m not sure if they are false or not. I have gotten a diagnosis, I remember lying on 2 questions, saying I didn’t feel aroused and that i don’t enjoy the thoughts n feelings. I’m not sure if i enjoy the thoughts and feelings, and now im worried i about it, i dont feel worry dread panic or shame and disgust when I get those thoughts and feelings anymore. I also remember that when i was 14 I felt attracted to a 12 or 11 year old, i kept going back to look at her idk why, but i think that i was worried because I didn’t want to be attracted to younger aged ppl. Im worried that all of these feelings of attraction aren’t false and that they are a reflection of who i am. I do not wish to be a pedo, nor do I wish to like kids. I know that I won’t hurt kids, but I’m scared that I am a pedo because of the feelings I get. I don’t understand myself anymore, I hope it’s pocd not actual pedophilia, I don’t trust that diagnosis I got because of those 2 questions I lied on, I said that i don’t like those thoughts n feelings even though I don’t know if I really do or not, can someone please help me? Idk what I have anymore, I don’t want it to be pedophilia

POCD

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