School

School starts in a week and my ocd is at its worst. I have insufferable intrusive thoughts all the time and I can’t deal with it and whenever it gets too much I just go in my room and isolate. But how am I going to do that when I’m gonna be forced to go to school everyday soon? How am I gonna cope with it??????? Im so scared and I just want my brain to shut off. All I think about now besides from the disgusting intrusive thoughts is giving up. I am too much of a anxious person to take my own life but I pray god everyday that he will take it for me. I used to be a happy person and enjoy living and now all I think about is dying so I don’t have to deal with these intrusive thoughts anymore. I used to love living. Why did this have to happen to me I didn’t do anything wrong I’ve always taken pride in making other people happy and now I have to suffer what did I do to deserve this. I just want it to be over. The worst part is that my intrusive thoughts lately have been about family and now I don’t even have any support systems because my support systems have become my triggers. I can’t deal with this alone.

Rico1435

Date posted: 3y

Hanna, I think change is a major trigger for those of us that suffer from OCD. Remember those thoughts are not what defines who you are, they are nothing more then goofy thoughts. Someone once told me to remember this “ the world can be pretty rough on people who care”.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

Hi Hanna I just read your post I cried so much because everything you said I have thought… I just want my brain to turn off and yea I thought about wishing something would end my life because I could never do it and everything you said about loving life and being happy and why me, what did I do to deserve this. I am a mom of three and I have been suffering from harm ocd for the past 5 months it’s the scariest thing I have ever experienced in my life. Although I had some thoughts about not wanting to live anymore the truth is I don’t want to end my life because I think about how sad my family would be without me. although I’m scared but I have to push through. Most of my harm thoughts center around my youngest child she is four. I know I would never act on the thoughts but I hate them. Anyways I’m writing to you to tell you, that you are not alone and I believe recovery is possible and I am not having a great day but I have to trust and believe that one day these thoughts will become less and less and not bother me and I can live a happy life. You can recover too, try not to engage in the thoughts I know that’s easier said than done but you have to try to not react and try to do things that you love to do, we can get through this so many people have recovered. Your not alone! Check out Dr Michael greenbergs approach on his website he had ocd Also NOCD has been accepting more insurances, I just started therapy from a local therapist I am hopeful. I have really bad days where I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel but I can’t give up and neither can you! Also just to give you some more hope my son had harm ocd as well I feel awful because I didn’t know it was ocd I didn’t even know what ocd was but I’ve had it for years but it just got worse like over night the past four months anyways he was having intrusive thoughts and he is doing better he doesn’t suffer from it anymore but he does obsess about his breathing sometimes but it’s not bad and he did see a therapist for a few months not to say it won’t come back but we are keeping an eye on it So I hope that gives you some hope he told me you have to not care about the thoughts I remember googling and I thought oh it’s puberty and I told him every one has intrusive thoughts but you have to not care about them. But it’s hard when you have panic attacks with the thoughts it makes them feel so real, anyways hand in there kiddo it will get better you have to believe and trust that you will!

Hanna_62

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous Thank you so much this gives me hope! I’m glad ur son is doing better and I hope you feel better soon as well.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

Amen Hanna. Same. Good luck in school. We’re all rooting for you. With each step you’ll feel better.

Leo_Massie

Date posted: 23w

Constant intrusive thoughts about ending it (TW)

Starting in high school, I became very suicidal, and it became my “safety net” of all went wrong. I know it’s dark, but I was in a really bad head space and I saw suicide as my escape if I couldn’t fix my life. It got to the point where I was constantly thinking about suicide (literally every day, multiple times a day). Over the last year, I’ve gotten better and I think about it less. But then my OCD grabbed hold of it…. Now, if I do something wrong or embarrassing or if I struggle in a social situation (which is often 😅), my mind says “kys”, “jump off a bridge”, and so on. It’s like an automatic response with my OCD and it makes me so uncomfortable… I’m trying to get better. I don’t want to die. Sure, I still get pretty low, but I always push the thoughts away now instead of welcoming them like I used to. But with the intrusive thoughts being nearly constant now, it’s kind of scary. I dont know what to do to make them stop since the intrusive thoughts are just so automatic at the slightest feeling of discomfort. I have a therapist, but I dont know how to bring this up with her. I’m too nervous to even admit to suicidal thoughts, not to mention the intrusive thoughts they’ve turned into. It kind of feels like it’ll never go away.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21w

Without therapy for months . Please help. Please

I had to cancel my therapy because it was no longer available with my insurance. And I just kind of feel hopeless with OCD. Even when I was doing therapy, I think my OCD started getting too complicated for my therapist and she didn’t even know what to do. My fears are so complex it’s crazy. So my big fear is my OCD being bad and being super depressed again like I was a few months ago in high school. I attended a public highschool for a semester and started the worst flare up I’ve ever had. I was harshly bullied for no reason whatsoever, and not accepted by anyone. I am an athletic kid who usually keeps to himself so I didn’t understand why people targeted me, especially when I wanted nothing to do with them. From August to now ( March) I CANNOT grasp hold of my OCD. I am very hard on myself about it. Going into dangers anytime I see one so I can expose myself. But constantly obsessing about if I’m doing enough for my OCD. And comparing myself to how I use to be, before the flare ups. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep I’m obsessing about my OCD and if it’s bad and comparing. Another HUGE fear of mine is being treated differently because I have OCD. So being bullied for so long I always assumed it was because I was shy and didn’t want to stand up for myself - due to my OCD- so I blamed myself for everything that continued to happen, . from people bullying me in the past . The people at that highschool were downright crazy. Even the teachers and coaches had major issues and I’m so glad to be out of there, but I still obsess the same everyday and hold so much resentment for that school and when I try to let it go, I just feel more passive pain and obsess even more about it weather my ocd is okay or not. I feel mentally sick. Please someone give me some advice for my fears, because I feel like I’m doing everything in my power to expose myself to everything but nothings working.

samlovesjesus

Date posted: 21w

rough few weeks

man these few weeks have been so hard. i’m in the process of getting diagnosed with ocd, im almost positive i have it because everything on here relates to me on an insane level. but im just so scared dude. these thoughts of me harming someone are so scary and im so scared im gonna eventually act on them and i know i never want to but its still so scary. like sometimes when i talk to my mom about it i think in the back of my head “you know you want to” when i dont, and it makes me think or gets me scared that i do. these thoughts literally just happened out of nowhere and it messes me up so bad my literal perspective on life in general is just messed up. like i view life as its more common to be a bad person and its rare/hard to be good. can someone please just pray for me or just wish me better days. i dont even like looking at myself anymore and im scared i give off creepy vibes to myself or others now, this sucks so much

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

School

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community