I know exactly how you feel...
But know, that OCD is not you, OCD latches on to what's what you truly are not.
People who suffer from POCD, or other sexual intrusive thoughts, images, urges, or bodily reactions don't want them and would do anything to get rid of them.
The thing is, that so many people have no idea which forms OCD can take, I bet a lot think OCD is about washing one's hands, or checking the stove excessively.
I told people, that I suffer from POCD and some didn't believe me, it's had been very hurtful to be treated differently after being brave and opening up.
I started a relationship a months ago and I told my partner that I suffer from OCD, I also told him, that I suffer from multi themes and that some of them are just horrible and make me feel like a monster, but that I am very likely never be willing to tell him the name of my most horrible themes, nor the content of those themes and he said, that he is okay with that.
As we can never predict who reacts in which way, it's hard to tell non-OCD sufferers or therapist not specialized in treating OCD about taboo themes.
Many people know about my Magical Thinking OCD, not the harm part of it, but the weird triggers and some of the fears. It had been embarrassing to tell, but I hadn't been scared, that they'd view me differently.
I also know the feeling of hiding a part of myself and being dishonest to people, if I don't fill them in about my most horrible OCD themes, but I try to tell myself, that my OCD isn't me, it neither defines me, nor my character, hence there isn't a part of my true self, that I'm hiding. More over, the urge to tell my partner often feels like OCD. If I myself feel the urge to do something feels different from the OCD induced urge, so that's why I know OCD wants me to confess.
Sorry for the long monolog, though, I seem to never be able to keep it short.
