FALSE MEMORY / CHEATING OCD

I recently went out this weekend for the first time in like a year. It’s my first time getting drunk at a bar without my husband around. I don’t remember part of the night. Looking at my bank statements things started getting blurry for me around 1, and the Uber was called at 1:43. I remember everything before 1 AM as I wasn’t drinking too heavily. Both of the people that I with absolutely promise that I didn’t do anything wrong. When I get drunk im super talkative and compliment everyone. I remember specifically complimenting a male about his tshirt and I didn’t mean it in a flirty way, I’m always just trying to be nice. The next morning I woke up and my first thought was to ask everyone I was with if I cheated. They all said no, but now I’m like “what if I went to the bathroom and did something??” “What if I kissed someone when no one was looking?!” I remember going to the bathroom, but I was pretty sober at that point. I also tell myself that if I would’ve taken a male in the bathroom someone would’ve stopped me at the door. I don’t know what to do. These thoughts even feel debilitating at times. Why do I feel like I cheated? Why do I feel like this if I didn’t? I feel like the worlds worst wife and mother. I feel like I deserve nothing good and I look at my husband and I want to cry. There’s no proof that I did anything. I’ve even thought about contacting the bar and asking to see the video footage. I know that’s super unnecessary. I need help. I don’t know why I feel like this. Both of the girls I was with said no I didn’t do anything. Even blacked out drunk I remembered to text my husband and say goodnight I love you. Could it just be guilt of me going out for the first time without him? Could I just be making false memories cause I remember speaking to the guy about his tshirt?

Hypnotic Moon

Date posted: 3y

I am so close to just admitting it to my husband and apologizing but in my head I don’t even know what I did other than I did something.

LadyWithOCD

Date posted: 3y

@Hypnotic Moon I feel this too! Like I can’t even describe it?

Mooooni

Date posted: 3y

I also go through false memories and I’m sorry you have to go through this. It’s one of my fears actually to get with someone and think I did something. Does your husband know that you go through these kind of things?

Mooooni

Date posted: 3y

@Monitica That you go through these kind of thoughts *

Hypnotic Moon

Date posted: 3y

@Monitica My husband isn’t aware that I have these thoughts. These are the first thoughts I’ve had of me cheating, normally they’re of him cheating. But even then I never mentioned it because I know they’re irrational thoughts. My friend also mentioned that. She said that people that cheat while drunk have had that thought while sober. She said that I wouldn’t cheat sober so there’s no reason for me to do it drunk. If you are loyal you will be loyal drunk and sober. And that is true. Speaking to you all on this thread makes the thoughts go away, but then when I start thinking again it starts up.

Mooooni

Date posted: 3y

@Hypnotic Moon I think it will help if you bring these thoughts up to your husband. It will really help you. You can’t hold these worries in. I know it’s scary but it is your husband. He knows who you are. You can do this.

Hypnotic Moon

Date posted: 3y

@Monitica I can’t bring myself to do it. I am willing to speak about it once I find a professional, but I don’t want to tell him and basically accuse myself of doing it and then him losing trust in me

Mooooni

Date posted: 3y

I’ve had false memories of thinking I kissed my friends bfs when I greet them. I feel Sure when someone is watching us if that makes sense rather then not. I hate it but it’s our ocd. It’s focusing on the fear/s. You know you wouldn’t ever cheat so even though you’re drinking, you didn’t do anything I know. Tell yourself how would you react if someone got so close to your face etc? You wouldn’t dare volunteer to do something you’re not supposed to. I always think of reminding yourself of your character. Ocd loves to attach to your fears

eb123456789

Date posted: 25w

Identifying Intrusive thoughts / false memory

Without trying to seek reassurance, I’m wondering if anyone has insight on identifying an intrusive thought vs reality. Something that’s always really helped ground me in moments of false memory ocd is clearly remembering the exact moment the thought arose and how it started as “what if I cheated and don’t remember.” Then the images come and are extremely distressing, but I’ve always found some comfort in coming back to that moment of “this started as what if.” It feels like my brain is almost getting more creative with the thoughts now, and I’ve been having probably the worst anxiety of my life the past couple months after another intrusive thought entered my mind. I woke up after a night drinking and thought to myself “did you kiss your friend and don’t remember?” (Didn’t happen, undeniably proved). The rest of the day I stayed anxious about other things I could have done and poured over all my memories of the night. Then the next day I finally had found some peace based on all the evidence from my friends who were with me that nothing bad happened. I then thought “what about when you went to the bathroom,” which I hadn’t really been thinking about before, and then my mind immediately started flashing with images of me performing sex acts in the bathroom with some person who has no name, face, details, or anything I remember about interacting with them. I think I’m just concerned that this was a moment of genuine memory recall since I hadn’t been thinking about the bathroom before, and it was more of a sudden flash of images and “did you do that” vs “what if you did that.” I’m wondering how others are able to identify that something is an intrusive thought vs reality.

User17annon

Date posted: 20w

Please help 😞

I have false memory real event ocd, I’ve been married 13 years and I used to constantly bring up past mistakes from when we were dating and it RUINED our marriage, but I got medication and therapy and things got better untill a few weeks ago where everything crumbled. I have a memory that is 13 years ago of me being intimate with my husband (than boyfriend) while being intimate I have a memory of sending a text to a male who obviously liked me but I didi not while my husband was under the covers . And I keep thinking over and over how disgusting and inappropriate it was to do that especially doing it in the middle of being intimate 😞. I have confessed this to my husband last year and he didint believe me saying it’s probably a made up memory and would are not a slut and wouldn’t do that. Now i have guilt all over again for weeks and it’s taking such a toll on me it’s all I think about and try to remember every detail I’ve thought about it so much I don’t even know if it’s 100 percent true. But I can vividly see it when I close my eyes. How do I get over this guilt without confessing? Confessing would absolutely destroy my husband.

.Anonymous

Date posted: 18w

ROCD/False Memory

I suffer with a constant worry of what if I’ve cheated. You name it I’ve thought I’ve done it. I’m quite flirty at nature and also insecure. Sometimes hand in hand I don’t think they balance each other out as the constant need for attention to validate myself can backfire. Although I have the best partner ever and she makes me feel nothing less than beautiful I still crave validation from others. That being said someone I used to work with left over half a year ago and when they worked at my current place of work we were very close. Text everyday, phone calls you name it. However looking back I was extra flirty as I wanted him to fancy me. I wanted the power to turn him down to make myself feel better. Awful I know. Now all I can think about is what if I’ve done something. What if I kissed him. What if I’ve slept with him etc. I’ve kept our whole conversations from the minute I got his personal number. I constantly search key words to see if my intrusive thoughts are real. I can except the uncertainty my therapist tells me about as if I have done the worst and cheated I would loose my partner and our 10 year relationship. I love her so much she is my life but I can’t stop thinking what if I’ve cheated. Does anyone else suffer with the same theme? If so how do you cope?

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

FALSE MEMORY / CHEATING OCD

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community