Is my OCD affecting my dating life?

I (21F) have never dated anyone before, let alone kissed anybody. Part of this reasoning is I’m absolutely terrified of getting oral herpes, and wholeheartedly believe that any carrier will give it to me whether they’re having an outbreak or not. I try to deny it, but I think I’m also afraid of having my first kiss be with the wrong person. I tell myself if I just do it once it’s not a big deal and it’ll be easier to do it again, but I can’t shake those fears. What if my first kiss Isint with the perfect person? What does the perfect person even look like? Does that even matter, I mean, it’s just a first kiss. I’m in my twenties, not my tweens. Why am I over analyzing this? I’ve had “situationships” with people in the past, but there’s something about getting into an actual romantic relationship with someone that makes it impossible for me. If I have a crush on someone and I can’t imagine an entire future with them right then and there, I don’t see the relationship worth continuing. I had a crush on a guy a year ago and we were only talking, but I was terrified of the thought of introducing him to my parents and getting married because I felt like he wasn’t “the one”. I really want a partner, but don’t feel like I’m ready because of all of these insecurities. When am I going to be ready then? These feelings have been seeded in me since I was seven years old (approximately). People tell me I’m “so young” and I’ll find someone soon, but I’m afraid I’ll never outgrow whatever this is. I don’t know if this is trauma related, OCD related, or social anxiety related, but I’d be curious to know if anyone has felt the same or is in the same boat as me.

FruitLoop

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Nopeee I felt the same way at 18. I thought I was so old to not have my first kiss but it’s so normal that even guys don’t talk about being virgins and not having their first kiss cuz it’s more pressured for them to “have bodies” and be with girls. I told the first guy I kissed that he was my first “real” kiss meaning I had pecks on the lips in high school party closets before but never a real kiss. It was all because I didn’t want him to know that I hadn’t kissed anyone before. And I was so scared that he would somehow know that I hadn’t kissed anyone by the “way” that I kissed LOL. But he didn’t. I had watched so many YouTube videos that my kissing was great/fine. You don’t have to tell whoever you kiss that it’s your first. And you’re not unnormal love!! It’s not shameful to kiss later, it’s actually so common. Now, to get on your obsessive part, think about this. And don’t even count this as reassurance: Herpes is only contagious if you have an active sore. The person with herpes will see and feel an active sore and YOU will probably see an active sore too. Save your first kiss for someone that you spend time with I promise you will never regret it Whether youre 21 or 30! It’s just not common that someone will feel okay to give you herpes. But if you want to kiss someone, just feel okay with the idea that you might get it. Even if you get it (herpes), you’ll be just like the people with it that can accept that they have it and feel okay! You got this! I believe in you. Tell yourself Maybe it will happen maybe it won’t, over and over again and I promise you will be okay with it love.

lrmgry

Date posted: 3y

think of dating as a journey to the perfect person. i know that sounds scary but as you date people, you may find everything you want in a partner the first time, but as you date different people you learn different lessons. from each of them you can know what you want and what a relationship requires. sometimes you can enter a relationship and be like woah I love this or woah it’s too much for me. this is how people learn what they want. you have to dip your feet in. also if you’re dating someone and not comfortable with intimacy, let them know! if they can’t respect that then you have your job made easier for you and you can move onto the next. then when you find the person who respects that you have worries about intimacy, you’re walking in the right direction. relationships don’t have to include kissing and sex immediately, just remember this. good luck

rugirl48!

Date posted: 25w

I am really scared to kiss a guy

I am a 21(female). I have only ever kissed one guy and it was horrible and I cried after. I stress about my sexuality constantly. I only want to be straight and know I want to end up with a man, but picturing it stressed me out and I am so scared to kiss a guy I think about it and get so stressed and cry immediately. I have severe intrusive thoughts about kissing everyone my teachers my best friends and it creeps me out and then I go down a rabbit hole of sexual orientation ocd! If anyone has any tips that might help that would be great. Again I don’t want or think I am gay but being so scared to be intimate with a man starts me down a spiral.

O.Sisi.D

Date posted: 24w

My Relationship OCD Made Me Shut Down

I’ve never really dated before out of fear of being rejected or being emotionally abused. So this was the third date with the first guy I’ve dated in years. Last time he said he wanted to kiss me and that’s all that was on my mind. I was afraid of being bad or not liking it so we didn’t kiss and I felt terrible. I was telling myself that I should be thankful that someone is so patient with me and this is why I’m gonna die alone, because I’m so judgmental when it comes to dating….. and I couldn’t stop. I kept ruminating until I later on the couch, closed my eyes, and started giving myself grace. I had shut down for over 30 minutes. And now I’m scared of dating in general.

Anonymous

Date posted: 22w

Advice

As someone who has never been in a relationship it’s hard for me to envision myself in one and know what it will feel like. I feel like being 21 I’ve protected myself a lot due to insecurity. I want a boyfriend and yet I don’t it’s just all really scary for me. I never had the stupid relationship to break the ice and now I’m putting so much pressure and emphasis on things and finding the RIGHT person. Also have hocd definitely doesn’t help. I’m working on myself and doing my best. But my current feelings are: I don’t like the way I look, I can’t imagine myself with someone, and I’m never going to find someone I click with and feel good with. Any advice??????

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Is my OCD affecting my dating life?

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