I’m Relapsing (MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING)

I’m having a horrible night, I’ve gone a while without using this app now, but I’m feeling super anxious, my ocd revolves around my POCD and real event, so basically last year when was 18 (I’m 19 now about to be 20), I used a bunch of dating apps for several months, I’m ashamed of a lot of things I did like sending nudes and just being an idiot, but I’m terrified of the possibility of someone having lied to me about their age, I would always ask beforehand at the time to be safe because I would never want that to happen, but what if someone lied, I’m horrified by that thought, I saw comments under videos of dating app videos where there were people laughing about how they used dating apps as minors and just shrugging it off, I don’t know how they could possibly find that funny, I started panicking and had to call the suicide prevention hotline, I’m spiraling and have no one to talk to, I’m horrified, I wish I could die

BigGyro09

Date posted: 3y

Hey man. I'm ashamed of things like this as well. I get those same worries when it comes to the past. I too did the things you did and I regret that a LOT. I also feel this way when I relapse with PMO because I'm always worrying about age and don't want to encounter anything suspicious. I still see fucked up shit that crosses my morals but I try my best to get away from it and hopefully never see it again, ever. I guess those other people don't worry about it because they don't have the doubting disorder like we do. Seems like we have the same themes as well.

OCDHaver

Date posted: 3y

@BigGip09 Yeah we do, it’s just horrible, this is definitely the area where accepting uncertainty is the toughest. I freak out about age as well, I always google peoples ages, even if it’s like p*rn⭐️’s. This theme is horrible, I’ve been doing well too, I just got my memories beach of one event that bothered me a lot showing me I didn’t do anything, but now I have this as well, I just wish I could take it all back, I never knew it would do this much damage to, I’m here if you need to talk with anyone

Canofbeans

Date posted: 23w

Adult content and OCD (18+)

I thought I'd gotten over sexual obsessions, since they haven't been bothering me at all until I had a flare up yesterday. I usually struggle with masturbation due to a combination of both anorgasmia from SSRI medication along with intrusive thoughts, so I thought that an adult film should work fine and went on the hub as per usual. Everything went well until I "finished" and looked at the video title afterwards. My stomach dropped as the title had the word "teen" it in. I felt nauseous and gross because I'd previously struggled and became horrifically suicidal due to the pocd I thought I had under control. Now I know that by the word teen, it means an adult actress that's 18-19 and I'm only 20. But I can't shake the feeling that I'm gross for watching and that it was illegal material, even though I am fully aware that it wasn't, so I've been ruminating over it endlessly. This is more of a vent, but I feel like all the progress I've made with my ocd just went down the drain ☹️

Givenup

Date posted: 17w

Pocd and anxiety

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... Dr disrespect was accused of inappropriately messaging and sending explicit images to a minor, and trying to meet up with them at twitchcon... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped venting to her after she told me she was uncomfortable by it twice... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance for my 18+ hocd struggles... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless... I dont ever want to ever be a monster...

Givenup

Date posted: 16w

Pocd and triggered

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... This actor was accused of grooming, giving and receiving explicit videos of underage women, and harassing women... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped venting to her after she told me she was uncomfortable by it twice... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance for my 18+ hocd struggles... I dont have any feelings towards minors in any way... the most i ever did was ask the 17 year old "what you bouta do about it 😂😂" when she told me to stop putting myself down when i was 19... i didnt pursue anything with her because of my age... im 23 now... i dont ever want to ever be with minors in any way...I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... plus now its saying that I called the second minor "cute" when i have no recollection of ever doing so... im also scared that I will get cancelled or being misunderstood because of this... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless...

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I’m Relapsing (MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING)

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