- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes
- Date posted
- 6y
Good to know I'm not the only one!
- Date posted
- 6y
Hope I described that well enough, didn't want to put too much in case there was triggers ?
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah I often feel the same. I've been pretty good at refraining from giving into compulsions this time round but have been awful in the past. Hate thinking how it's made me act. Not who I want to be at all. But every day forward is a little bit of progress so fingers crossed!
- Date posted
- 6y
I've been re-reading Joshua Fletchers book on RJ and find everything is resonating with me a lot the second time round. I definitely recommend it
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- 6y
I’m sorry I have obsessional jealousy
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- 6y
What's that
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- 6y
Retroactive Jealousy or obsessional jealousy?
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- 6y
Both...
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- 6y
If iam correct retroactive jealousy is obsessing over your partners previous sexual partners and history obsessional jealousy is obsessing that your partner has cheated or going to cheat
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- 6y
RJ is basically obsessing over a partners sexual or romantic past, and compulsions can manifest as constantly seeking reassurance or asking questions with a morbid interest to find out more in the hope of managed your anxiety. Or compulsions can be mental, like seeing a thought through, or trying to think of all the ways what you believe isn't true. Comes with 'mental movies', anxiety obviously, resentment, judgement and often doubt about whether or not your partner is right for you because of their past, regardless of how extensive their past is
- Date posted
- 6y
Very similar then ?
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- 6y
All of the same sytpoms and obsessions and ind intrusive thoughts except yours is about your partners past and mine is who she could potentially cheat with are you on meds as well ? And have you had cbt ?
- Date posted
- 6y
I was on meds in the past and did do CBT but at the time we thought it was GAD and depression. It's only recently I've accepted it could be a manifestation of OCD. So right now I'm working with a therapist but still in early days. Had this in almost every relationship for the last 8 years though
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- 6y
Accepting is key and being given the the tools from cbt to equip yourself better will help ?
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- 6y
And if you got a loving understanding partner helps to
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- 6y
I hope so! Thanks!
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- 6y
Yeah I have it. It's not fun. I feel like the compulsions turn me into a bad person at times. I can resist for a few days but end up caving in after a few days. It's tough but you gotta keep fighting. ??
- Date posted
- 6y
I have realised that mine does stem from low self esteem from years of racism at school, body issues from being fat as a child and a skin condition I had when younger. I am working on CBT with my therapist and trying to get through ERP. I am also doing my own work on my self esteem and being more positive in general. It's gonna be a long fight but I am confident that I will win it and I am very lucky I have a supportive girlfriend who is with me all the way.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah I've definitely got some self esteem issues to work through, and it seems that everyone I speak to or read about with it has been bullied at school at some point. It's not our fault, but we can still fix it. My girlfriends been great too, definitely better than some in the past. So I'm sure we both can come through this at the other side!
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah. Oddly enough I didn't consider the racism to be bullying but it definitely had a huge effect on my life. But I also have a parent with OCD/Anxiety so I was more susceptible to it anyway. I just gotta learn to be more positive and build up that self image and I hope I will be much better off.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah I just read that. Found it to be a lot better than Zackary Stockhills. I am enjoying Tedx talks on positivity and self esteem and the OCD Stories on YouTube. Recommended them.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah I agree. There's a new thing I've came across called retr-act.com. Basically a group of counsellors who specialize in RJ. Was speaking to a counselor from there for a while but he was too pricey and wasn't a fan of Skype. But there's some good content if you haven't seen it already. Cheers I'll have a look at those!
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- 4y
Hi through ERP I have learned how to live with thoughts without them having the power to upset and drive you nuts. A bit more background: I have Retrospective Jealousy OCD. It started around 30 years ago when I met my now wife. I struggled with the thoughts about her past not knowing what was happening and when they first came on the pain was unbearable and I tried to kill myself. I then had years of going to therapists that were useless as they failed to realise it was OCD. Four years ago I finally was diagnosed and with the help of a great psychotherapist I have been doing ERP and at last things have improved. Before that I was totally at its mercy and I would get so angry and upset with my wife it was awful. Luckily we are still together. I would like to connect with others with this type of OCD to hopefully provide some support and understanding whether you have not yet been diagnosed or you are or are due to begin ERP . ERP was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. If years ago I had known other people with this OCD who knew what the diagnosis is and how to treat it it would have saved years of pain and suffering.
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 22w
I’m gonna try to make this make sense, and any support or advice would be great. I have a beautiful girlfriend, who I’ve been dating off and on for a year. We were really rocky but got our shit figured out 4 months ago and have been strong since. I truly love this girl more than I’ve loved anyone. And I know based off the sheer amount of ocd that has come up on our relationship, that she means a lot to me. Me and her were in a friend group in 2022 and we never liked each other. However she had a sexual relationship with one of my old friends. Fast forward to now I haven’t talked to him in a long time and I don’t see it as an issue. However… I keep having this vivid flashback to him touching her some kinda way in 2022. I can’t remember exactly what happened or the details but it’s running through my head. I guess this is retroactive jealousy but it’s really almost hurting my feelings. I wish it would stop but I know ocd doesn’t work that way. I just wanna be happy with my girl and not upset at her past experiences
- Date posted
- 21w
I’ve been really struggling with Relationship OCD since I got married, and 3 years later, I’m afraid I’ve lost the love of my life. Between the Relationship OCD, the Religious OCD, and the Sexuality OCD, she couldn’t handle it anymore. Now that she left, the fog of doubt has faded, and I’m realizing how much I truly loved her all along. I just don’t understand how our minds can play such sabotaging tricks on us. And why? I don’t know what to do. I hope and pray we eventually get back together, but I know I need help. I want to do whatever I can to return to a place where she can feel loved by me, the way she did before ROCD took over. Is anyone here going through something similar? Has anyone overcome ROCD? Were you able to repair your relationship? I’d really appreciate any insight or advice. Thank you.
- Perfectionism OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- Religion & Spirituality OCD
- Relationship OCD
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 17w
New member here. I realize this Retroactive Jealousy OCD topic is not thoroughly discussed and most therapists are unfamiliar with this OCD. This is perhaps the most painful form of OCD, and most people have no idea how or why people have these irrational obsessive thoughts. Here is my story in detail. Many of you might be able to relate. 12 years ago I was a 38 years old divorced man with 2 small children. I had been divorced for 4 years, during which time a had a few relationships and had sex regularly with the women I dated. One day I met a wonderful woman and fell in love with her. She was same age as me, and similar divorce and dating experiences. Everything was perfect in the beginning just like any new relationships. 2 months into the relationship I decided that we should disclose our body count and experiences (for transparency). I was only interested in the period after our divorce because we had both been with our ex spouse for over 15 years and stuff before that was borderline pre-adult stuff. Coincidentally 6-8 for both of us. Only difference is I had 2 serious relationships and she had none. She had 1 one-nighter with a friend and a “friends with benefits” situation with 1 other guy. The rest were short 1x and 2x experiences, just like me. Granted we were both in our mid 30s so this stuff shouldn’t shock anyone. For some reason I began fixating on that 1 nighter and friend with benefits. That 1-nighter happened a few months after her divorce and was with an old guy (54) from another country. I felt sickened and kept imagining their sex act. I asked her how it was and she said she was lonely and it was a bad choice. I kept obsessing over it. Maybe she liked older men? Next I started ruminating over her Friend with Benefits which went on for 2 years. They dated briefly but she said she was never in love. Neither wanted a relationship but happens to meet up a few times a year and ended up having sex. This friend was extremely threatened once he found out about me. I felt maybe her connection with him was stronger or maybe sex was so good she couldn’t avoid him. She said no. In fact she decided to end all contact with him and he freaked out. But I felt insecure and I felt extreme pain when I thought about her having sex with these people. I thought it was very unlike her to do that. She felt I was judging her. We had our first fight. I broke up with her. Same day I regretted my actions and clearly it was my issue. I begged her for her forgiveness. I started therapy to figure out what was wrong. Clearly Retroactive Jealousy OCD was relatively unknown 12 years ago. The psychiatrist considered it a form of OCD and treated it accordingly. With the combination medication and therapy I was able to conquer it in 8 months. We got married and next month we will celebrate our 11th year wedding anniversary. But the story is not over. In March of this year I suffered a nervous breakdown, mainly due to severe. personal and professional stress. All my OCDs came back literally overnight. So now I’m being treated again and it has been very difficult. This is work in progress. I’m not out of the woods yet. I am on serotonin and therapy 3x a week. Hopefully in due time, I’ll get better…again.
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