- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes
- Date posted
- 6y
Good to know I'm not the only one!
- Date posted
- 6y
Hope I described that well enough, didn't want to put too much in case there was triggers ?
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah I often feel the same. I've been pretty good at refraining from giving into compulsions this time round but have been awful in the past. Hate thinking how it's made me act. Not who I want to be at all. But every day forward is a little bit of progress so fingers crossed!
- Date posted
- 6y
I've been re-reading Joshua Fletchers book on RJ and find everything is resonating with me a lot the second time round. I definitely recommend it
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m sorry I have obsessional jealousy
- Date posted
- 6y
What's that
- Date posted
- 6y
Retroactive Jealousy or obsessional jealousy?
- Date posted
- 6y
Both...
- Date posted
- 6y
If iam correct retroactive jealousy is obsessing over your partners previous sexual partners and history obsessional jealousy is obsessing that your partner has cheated or going to cheat
- Date posted
- 6y
RJ is basically obsessing over a partners sexual or romantic past, and compulsions can manifest as constantly seeking reassurance or asking questions with a morbid interest to find out more in the hope of managed your anxiety. Or compulsions can be mental, like seeing a thought through, or trying to think of all the ways what you believe isn't true. Comes with 'mental movies', anxiety obviously, resentment, judgement and often doubt about whether or not your partner is right for you because of their past, regardless of how extensive their past is
- Date posted
- 6y
Very similar then ?
- Date posted
- 6y
All of the same sytpoms and obsessions and ind intrusive thoughts except yours is about your partners past and mine is who she could potentially cheat with are you on meds as well ? And have you had cbt ?
- Date posted
- 6y
I was on meds in the past and did do CBT but at the time we thought it was GAD and depression. It's only recently I've accepted it could be a manifestation of OCD. So right now I'm working with a therapist but still in early days. Had this in almost every relationship for the last 8 years though
- Date posted
- 6y
Accepting is key and being given the the tools from cbt to equip yourself better will help ?
- Date posted
- 6y
And if you got a loving understanding partner helps to
- Date posted
- 6y
I hope so! Thanks!
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah I have it. It's not fun. I feel like the compulsions turn me into a bad person at times. I can resist for a few days but end up caving in after a few days. It's tough but you gotta keep fighting. ??
- Date posted
- 6y
I have realised that mine does stem from low self esteem from years of racism at school, body issues from being fat as a child and a skin condition I had when younger. I am working on CBT with my therapist and trying to get through ERP. I am also doing my own work on my self esteem and being more positive in general. It's gonna be a long fight but I am confident that I will win it and I am very lucky I have a supportive girlfriend who is with me all the way.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah I've definitely got some self esteem issues to work through, and it seems that everyone I speak to or read about with it has been bullied at school at some point. It's not our fault, but we can still fix it. My girlfriends been great too, definitely better than some in the past. So I'm sure we both can come through this at the other side!
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah. Oddly enough I didn't consider the racism to be bullying but it definitely had a huge effect on my life. But I also have a parent with OCD/Anxiety so I was more susceptible to it anyway. I just gotta learn to be more positive and build up that self image and I hope I will be much better off.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah I just read that. Found it to be a lot better than Zackary Stockhills. I am enjoying Tedx talks on positivity and self esteem and the OCD Stories on YouTube. Recommended them.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah I agree. There's a new thing I've came across called retr-act.com. Basically a group of counsellors who specialize in RJ. Was speaking to a counselor from there for a while but he was too pricey and wasn't a fan of Skype. But there's some good content if you haven't seen it already. Cheers I'll have a look at those!
- Date posted
- 4y
Hi through ERP I have learned how to live with thoughts without them having the power to upset and drive you nuts. A bit more background: I have Retrospective Jealousy OCD. It started around 30 years ago when I met my now wife. I struggled with the thoughts about her past not knowing what was happening and when they first came on the pain was unbearable and I tried to kill myself. I then had years of going to therapists that were useless as they failed to realise it was OCD. Four years ago I finally was diagnosed and with the help of a great psychotherapist I have been doing ERP and at last things have improved. Before that I was totally at its mercy and I would get so angry and upset with my wife it was awful. Luckily we are still together. I would like to connect with others with this type of OCD to hopefully provide some support and understanding whether you have not yet been diagnosed or you are or are due to begin ERP . ERP was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. If years ago I had known other people with this OCD who knew what the diagnosis is and how to treat it it would have saved years of pain and suffering.
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 17w
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
- Date posted
- 15w
I’m new to the app and wanting to know who else experiences this form of ocd. Some background I was a therapist for over 10 years now I am out of the clinical space. So I have background knowledge of ocd but never knew much about relationship ocd. I realized over the last several years with my now fiancé, that I have a hard time just letting go in general, whether that’s an argument or statement or feeling. I want to be able to just accept things at face value and move on (and talk later if my partner is ready as needed). But when conflict arises I can’t disengage till there is a clear resolution. It’s causing serious strife as he can feel trapped and it escalates the argument. I am reading more and this sounds like relationship OCD. Anyone else experience this? Curious on what others have done to work on this for themselves. I do have a therapist but we are not doing work in this area yet as I am realizing this is an actual concern.
- Date posted
- 14w
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond