i cant deal with this anymore

i’m sat here on holiday and i don’t think i can do this anymore, in my last post i mentioned i was afraid i was attracted to a 13 year old who looked older, despite knowing this it feels like i still am. i’m so fucking scared it doesn’t feel like ocd and i cant get any help or message my therapist it feels like my worst nightmare has came true, i don’t want to live with this anymore. am i in denial still i cant tell what’s real anymore i don’t want to be here

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

I have felt i can't tell what's real as well. My mind makes me question everything and then i begin to question a bunch of stuff. If your therapist is not getting back to you and you really need help immediately, I think there is an SOS button on the app where they may be able to help you. If that still doesnt work and if you are feeling suicidal, the U.S national hotline is 988. I have had OCD for years and stopped treatment shortly after diagnosis which wasnt wise of me but I can tell you there is hope for it to get better. There's also a subtype of OCD called meta-ocd which is questioning whether you have ocd or not which is one thing I've experience when having unwanted sexual thoughts, I wonder if its ocd or me and then aftwr obsessing and seeking reassurance i realize...i obviously have a mebtal disorder which is ocd. I really hope you're able to get the help you need soon and know you aren't alone in unwanted sexual thoughts and then feeling really horrible.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

Oh, I also want to mention i did recently start treatment again and although had spike of anxiety at first I do think its starting to get better

Username: bilxiebilxie

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous the thing is i’m on holiday and i’m from the uk so i cant use those hotlines or this app for a therapist

Username: Charlie310Charlie310

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Don’t worry you aren’t alone mate. Remember these are just thoughts and they do not define you. OCD is very good at attacking your reality. The best way to combat ocd is by mocking it, giving it less power when the thought comes in. You can say things like ok it is what it is, cool thought, I’ll move on to a good though now. Just don’t try and force the thought away because it’ll continue and continue. Just negate it by mocking the thought. Let the thought come in even if it’s uncomfortable because once you can fully imagine the thought and you sit through the anxiety your brain will see that the thought truly doesn’t have that much power. I struggled hard with harm ocd but man am I doing better. You arent alone

Username: bilxiebilxie

Date posted: 2y ago

@Charlie310 i hate the way it feels it feels like a deep down feeling far too real, it feels like i’m lying to myself and my brain is telling me that right now. it feels like it’s true and im so scared

Username: anonymouse33anonymouse33

Date posted: 2y ago

are you sure you didn’t just think that the person looks nice? you can think someone looks nice without really being sexually attracted to them, i know your anxiety can tell you that it’s more than that though, i get this a lot too.

Username: bilxiebilxie

Date posted: 2y ago

@anonymouse33 possibly i mean the situation was “oh he’s attractive” “oh wait he’s 13” “oh no” then i started ruminating like hours after

Username: bilxiebilxie

Date posted: 2y ago

@anonymouse33 also it was until later my mind was like “do you still find him attractive” and there’s a thought that’s trying to tell me that i do but i don’t know if this is intrusive or not because it doesn’t feel like it

Username: jelly

Date posted: 5y ago

Hey so I’m an 18 year old college student I’ve had ocd for a long time but I never wanted to admit this aspect of it as part of it and I still don’t. That’s why I won’t say it cause I’ll just end up crying again. I don’t even want to post about it cause this would just make the problem real. I know I’m not sexually attracted to them but my mind wants to trick me and I end up getting confused on which is rlly me, like the other aspects of my ocd. It spiked ig when someone sent me a meme and it was fine but at the end of it it showed a child being shown in a sexual way which was suppose to I guess be funny but it wasn’t rlly funny to me at all and got uncomfortable and the pocd thoughts came in hard and I had such a bad panic attack and then I felt the need to go back and check to see what I was feeling and went to the video the next day after avoiding it to see which after reading the threads here is I guess a big no no? I know I’m not sexually attracted but my mind is playing these games and confuses me and I’m so scared to even talk to my therapist about it or ask people for help cause what if they think I’m a pedophile? Children genuinely make me happy and I have a motherly instinct to care for them but my mind turns it into something darker and I know I don’t think of these kids sexually but it’s like I have the power to?And that freaks me out so much and it won’t leave me alone I don’t know what to do I know I’m not one but my mind is tricking me and it’s freaking me out and if my mind says it could be what if other people think I am no one I trust will even understand idk what to do I just needed to put this somewhere to vent

POCD

Username: h.1

Date posted: 4y ago

i just feel like this has ruined my life. even when i’m doing good in the back of my mind i’m worried if i see a child. it’s so hard because it’s always been my dream to have children in the future, all my life i wanted to be a mum, and now i don’t even know if i want to because of this and i feel like i can’t because i’m so disgusting. i can’t even go to therapy or talk to anyone about this because my biggest fear is them telling me it’s not ocd and that means i’m just an evil person. this means i haven’t been diagnosed which makes me feel worse because although i’ve done a lot of research obviously i can’t diagnose myself. i’m just so scared of what i’ll be told. i feel like i’m constantly living in fear of what i might do or what someone would think if they knew about the intrusive thoughts etc. even writing this i’m terrified people are going to think i’m a p because i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd.

POCD

Username: lilli

Date posted: 4y ago

i need help, if ANYONE can give me guidance PLEASE. I NEED IT. im a minor, i cannot tell my parents about these intrusive thoughts im having, so i cant get a therapist, nor can i get diagnosed. im scared i am a pedophile. i experienced a groinal feeling a couple days ago when i saw a picture of a little kid. I DID NOT REALIZE IT WAS A KID AT FIRST, but i freaked out. i freaked you guys. i even unfollowed the account i saw the picture of the young cchild on. im so scared that i am a pedophile. i cant live like this. what if i am but im i denial? i cant do it. ive experienced something like this before. i had a thought and obsessed about it about it. but i even think back, what if i wasnt obsessing? i was constantly online looking for answer for the thought. i was constantly confessing the thought to my ex (the thoughts were about him) and im just terrified. AND THEN, I HAVE THOUGHTS THAT SAY “you are a p*do and thats okay” BUT I DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT. I DONT WANT TO THINK LIKE THAT. i just want to be a normal teen. i wanna be worry free. i dont want to be a pedo. i wannt be happy. please any guidance you can give me i need it. does it sound like POCD to the people who have experienced OCD? or am i in denial. i cant live with myself being a pedo.

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i cant deal with this anymore

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