samrose77

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

i’m so tired of violent intrusive thoughts

this disorder is so frustrating. sometimes i even doubt i have ocd because of the nature of the disease, but i’m just so tired. i’m in college right now and tbh everything is great, im hanging out with my friends, my classes are cool, the weather is getting colder again, i have a great family back at home. i feel happy but it’s like i have this giant weight im constantly carrying around because of the harm ocd. it follows me everywhere i go. i can’t look at a cat (my beloved favorite animal) without thinking “what if i want to hurt it” or thinking of something else terrible. i cant stop thinking what if i wanted to hurt everyone i love, what if i am truly an evil person. i just want to be happy, i don’t want to deal with this anymore. i’m so scared, so tired. i feel like i’m losing myself. i have been such a kind sensitive person but this disorder makes me feel evil. i don’t feel safe in my own mind. does anyone else relate :/

👻Anonymous👻

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Thank you! Good to hear you are currently working with someone. That a fear that I had as well. At the beginning, I couldn’t even look or hold knifes scissors etc. Now I’m not triggered by them. Keep up the hard work. It will pay off!

samrose77

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@👻Anonymous👻 thank you ❤️

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

I relate to this. My problem is I imagine doing these crazy acts and I usually get these thoughts when I’m in a bad emotional state which is most of the time. It’s so tiring because my mind believes I’ve done these terrible acts because of the negative thoughts I had and adverse emotional state I was in. It’s hard for me to be around people who trigger this thinking sometimes I just want to crawl into a whole. I’m currently feeling this way. Idk it’s just so so so so difficult. It’s harder then if I’m going to be honest working out. Ocd feels like the biggest weight . I often don’t know how I’m going to make it. Most days feels like I’m waking through quick sand trying to gain my freedom and escape.

samrose77

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

i totally relate, it’s so difficult and is the biggest weight in the world. i’m sorry you have to go through this, i wouldn’t wish it on anyone. for me i’m not even in a bad emotional state which is why it’s so frustrating i just feel like i’m on the brink of insanity. i’m so tired also :/ i hope you gain some peace one day

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

@samrose77 Thank u so much for commenting yeah I have also had these thoughts even without feeling any bad emotions. So I know the exact feeling it’s sooo annoying because u want to be in the present but your mind if like pulling u away and saying no f u! Ur gonna listen to me. Thank u for your hopes on me gaining peace. I hope the same for u. 🙏. I’m also very sorry ur going through this as well. It’s torture we don’t need this in our life. The worst thing is that ocd knows exactly when to arrive to irk u. In my case I can’t even distinguish reality sometimes like I truly genuinely believe I’ve done these things.

samrose77

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous oh me too i sometimes believe this is what i want even though i know it isn’t, i don’t have the false memory like ur describing but i relate in other ways. this rly is torture and thank you for your kind words ❤️ ocd takes so much from us but we can take things a day at a time

Anonymous

Date posted: 2y

Yes. I am going through the same thing as you as we speak, this ocd isn’t going to beat us we are going to beat it. I feel it’s more comforting to talk and relate to people who have ocd so if you want to reach out my number is 470-446-5562. This will probably get flagged but I’m more than happy to talk about our experiences and help each other through it

samrose77

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@Anonymous i rather not share my phone number but if u have something else i can do that

👻Anonymous👻

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

Yes! I have been dealing with this for almost a year. Didn’t know what it was at the time of the onset. Have been doing erp for 6 months and have gotten a lot better. The thoughts are still there. Everyday, but they don’t weigh that much anymore. Don’t get me wrong, some times they do get to me, but it’s no where near as bad as before. Are you currently working with a therapist?

samrose77

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

@👻Anonymous👻 i’m really happy to hear you’re doing better :) yes i am currently in therapy and she’s great i like my therapist a lot. the erp is just so hard and i’m scared it won’t help

flowerpetals

Date posted: 21w

frustrating

harm ocd is the bane of my existence. people always tell me that if you have anxiety over a thought, that’s ocd. and these intrusive thoughts cause me IMMENSE anxiety. i’m constantly looking for reasons why i’m not what these thoughts tell me i am. but WHY DOES IT FEEL SO REAL?? it’s like i can’t reassure myself that this isn’t me and i don’t want to do it, but i also look for reasons why it’s not me. my brain is constantly telling me “if you don’t act on this, you’ll never feel free”. WHAT EVEN IS THAT?? and why does it feel real?? anytime i think about getting therapy, i constantly think that it’s not going to help me positively but help me realize i am this person. i just wish someone with harm ocd could get into my brain, understand me, and tell me everything will be okay. i wish someone in recovery could tell me that they’ve been where i am, felt the same feelings, thought the same thoughts, and got through it when they thought they wouldn’t. i feel like i’m drowning in it. another thing is i think about how my mom knows a surface level understanding to this form of my ocd, but if she knew it all, i’m scared she’d never look at me the same. i’m scared she’d be scared of me and think i need psychiatric help. IM TERRIFIED.

Harm OCD

samlovesjesus

Date posted: 21w

rough few weeks

man these few weeks have been so hard. i’m in the process of getting diagnosed with ocd, im almost positive i have it because everything on here relates to me on an insane level. but im just so scared dude. these thoughts of me harming someone are so scary and im so scared im gonna eventually act on them and i know i never want to but its still so scary. like sometimes when i talk to my mom about it i think in the back of my head “you know you want to” when i dont, and it makes me think or gets me scared that i do. these thoughts literally just happened out of nowhere and it messes me up so bad my literal perspective on life in general is just messed up. like i view life as its more common to be a bad person and its rare/hard to be good. can someone please just pray for me or just wish me better days. i dont even like looking at myself anymore and im scared i give off creepy vibes to myself or others now, this sucks so much

alyssa_h

Date posted: 19w

i can’t do this much longer

i’m having a full on panic attack, i never used to be like this, what tf is happening to me, why am i like this, i’m so convinced i’m a horrible person and i deserve to be shut out forever because of my thoughts, i’m tired of struggling with harm ocd, i’m scared that because i have mental health issues i’m gonna end up ki!!ing someone someday or end up on the news, when i was at work earlier i kept thinking “how easy would it be to ki!! someone and get away with it” someone help, i don’t feel normal, am i crazy?… 😭😭i know that with ocd you’re not supposed to have reassurance and you have to be “okay” with the situation but.. how am i supposed to be okay with feeling like i could hurt someone…

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