- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Close SOCD
I relapsed again and triggered myself. It really tried to convince me despite the evidence.
I relapsed again and triggered myself. It really tried to convince me despite the evidence.
I had a really bad return to the worst overwhelming thoughts last week after an exposure (which previously hadn't triggered me so much). I felt so down about it but the next couple of days I felt stronger and better able to let thoughts pass, so I tried to remind myself progress isn't linear. It doesn't necessarily mean it's a setback if that feels like a super negative way to describe it. Sometimes it's not such a good day and there's not much you can do but to go to bed and hope tomorrow is a better one. OCD is never logical whatever evidence you give it. Keep going :-)
@ada110 Yeah I relapsed again, but I’m proud of my journey. I am still making a lot of progress.
@Ghost123 Good for you. I don't feel out of the woods yet myself but it's getting easier.
@ada110 Good to hear. Do you have a trigger “place”? Like when you’re in the bedroom or when you walk past someone. I’ve noticed that my SOCD spikes when I’m alone in my room for long periods of time (+ social isolation). When I go outside and I see (well I guess) gay or bi couples, I don’t really get triggered as much. It’s only afterwards.
@Ghost123 To be honest triggers can come from anywhere - My OCD finds a way in. But being alone is definitely worse for me too and I'm still on my own a lot while looking for work which can be hard. Just too much time with my own head and no distractions or exposures from the real outside world. Going out it can sometimes be triggered by seeing same sex couples or also just attractive women, or I've noticed sometimes any woman who is friendly or smiles at me, my brain goes "does she fancy me? Do I want her to?". But it's erratic, sometimes these things are triggers sometimes they aren't. Just trying to learn to let these thoughts come and try not to engage in the rumination.
@ada110 I get these too but not as much. I normally don’t get triggered by same sex couples, it’s only when my OCD is already spiking beforehand that it latches onto anything. Children, teenagers, men and very rarely animals. And not to sound TMI but even like having “alone time” and those thoughts popping up really make it distressful. I’m afraid for my future relationships, in that I fear that I will suffer from sexual dysfunction. Which is not uncommon for people with OCD. I’m also scared because whilst my HOCD goes away, it can come back and seem realer every time. So I have to practice ERP or distract myself which does help. But man, some of the thoughts make me genuinely want to throw up. It’s like OCD is a predator pressuring me or something into doing things I know I hate and will never do. I’m scared:
hey guys, i’m almost fully healed in my socd journey but what’s stopping me is the false atractions. i get them almost 24/7 at this point and to every thing. they feel real and i hate them they make me feel disgusted. they also make me feel like hot and gross but then i see people saying thats what attractions feel like, but i have felt so much attraction to the opposite gender pre all of this and it felt nice and enjoyable not digustinf. i’m also getting false memory trying to show me ‘signal’ from my childhood to prove i’m gay amd i truly don’t know if they’re real. it’s so degrading and at this point i feel like govining up. pelesse if you have any advice or even if your going through the same thing just let me know. ocd is so terrible
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
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