I tried sitting with the feelings and confusion all day today but ive been drowning in anxiety and depression the whole day too so its not working. I want to get out of this fucking mess so much its been 2.5 years of non stop anxiety. What do I need to do man? Where the fuck is my God at? Im gonna lose it very soon and start cursing him out fuck

so its been three days now its it really bad, Im trying to just "tolerate and allow the feelings to be here for as long as it wants," not fixing it, not figuring it out, just allowing it to be a cloud raining on me while im doing my thing, but it doesnt work!! It gives me these intesne, loud, real feeelings that make me feel like i am gay and that I just need to accept it. Like its the hyperfocusing that I cant control that makes me focus on the feelings when im trying to do something else, allowing it to be there but still doing my own thing however Im still paying attention to the feeling, and the thoughts feel intense, and its like this ALLLL DAY, for three days straight. I dont know what to do anymore, because ERP doesnt seem to be working.

I genuinely can't help but feel irredeemable over every little mistake made or regret I've had. It's so up and down, but I just miss the certainty. Knowing "this is who I am." I'm so disconnected from myself. Like, I'm really, really trying. Today is really rough... I got triggered the other night, and it's been hell since. I've been fighting seeking reassurance. I want it so, so incredibly bad, but I know it won't help me :( Some days, I just don't want to be here. It's funny because yesterday I felt amazing until I got triggered. I just immediately spiraled after that. I don't know. Does it genuinely get better? Will therapy really help me? Sometimes, I think maybe this is the best it'll get, and that scares me. Sorry for the vent. I'm just feeling so overwhelmingly anxious right now. I can't even cry (due to Zoloft). It feels claustrophobic somehow, having all these emotions trapped inside of my body with nowhere to go 😭

Whenever I get my in the morning i feel so scared and fearful I cannot even tell. I am suffering from religious and blasphemous thoughts and these things just come in my mind fear of hell and abusive words are killing me inside all such thoughts just come in my mind and now even on tongue but in silent words I am dying but I have no money for the therapy my family just think that try to remain busy you will be okay but I am unable to focus now i cannot tell them as they have notime to listen to me as how they can listen same stuff all the timen these things and my anxiety making things more worse. I need someone to talk who have same issue i am uncle to attend religious gathering see posts on social media and funerals all are the triggers this morning I just miss a religious gathering due to this and my family is not happy due to it I feel cutoff in everything. I am weeping. I am doing this I am sure even now it become worse if someone say bad to me or even no to anything abusive words just came out against them I am unable to control.