i'm so tired

i'm tired of the fear of becoming something horrible. im tired of feeling like i'm an irredeemable monster. im tired of thinking about what happened every hour of my life. im tired of the fear of being a bad person. im tired of never feeling like i deserve anything. i'm tired of the ruminating, the anguish, the guilt, the regret, the pain, the anger at myself. i dont know what i want. it feels as if making my life better will be like excusing my actions. i feel like i deserve this pain. my genuine emotions feel like a facade. im so scared. i dont want to be a bad person. why did i think it was okay in the moment. why.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

i’m going through these exact feelings right now and it’s what actually made me open the app… you aren’t alone. It is so unbelievably hard and feels like a never ending struggle that almost no one in my life knows about.. I get so defeated and wonder if things will ever get better or better yet if i’ll ever be able to change my perspective on things.. my biggest fear is having to spend the rest of my life feeling this way

Username: robert4robert4

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous My biggest fear is having to spend the rest of my life feeling this way too and IF it will ever get to a point where I should just do something about it…

Username: Forest13Forest13

Date posted: 2y ago

I’m so sorry, I feel very similar

Username: robert4robert4

Date posted: 2y ago

I’ve been dealing with this a lot too lately. I quit my job about a month ago and it’s been a huge stressor. We are ok, my wife makes enough to pay for everything but it still stresses me out. I had to pull money out of my 401k. The good thing is that I had a job interview today. Being at home all day is not good for me either. I try and keep busy but I’m constantly ruminating. I could go out and look for comic books but that involves spending money which I don’t have a lot of right now.

Username: 🌸

Date posted: 3y ago

People can change right?? I did terrible things..even last year. Probably even this year. Which would make me my fears. But I regret them so much,I generally just want to move on and be a better person, but I feel I don't deserve to..this isn't ocd making a little bad thing bad, these things were terrible. And I know it,, everybody would know it. I just want to love myself for who I am today, not my past. I chang everyday but I generally feel so much guilt and disgust. The ocd with intrusive thoughts that I wanna do it all again. Makes me feel I still am my fears...I hate it so much. This wasn't 1 mistake or 2..or even 3. It was so so so many disgusting, horrible,shameful mistakes. I did for years and years. And I mean 11+ years.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 43w ago

I’m tired

I don’t really know what to do anymore I feel bad all the time and when I take my medicine I feel bad for not feeling bad all these memories are on repeat in my head and it doesn’t stop. I’m convinced i’m the worst person ever and I deserve everything bad that happens to me and I think I do. I did things that are actually bad and I don’t know how to fix them and the guilt eats away at me i feel like i’m living a lie and hiding my dirty secrets from everyone. It’s like how could I have not realized these things were wrong. I feel disgusted with myself and I don’t know what to do

Username: bxygenius

Date posted: 27w ago

i'm scared

im scared im not a good person and i never will be. ive had real events about obsessions before but i always thought its nothing i cant beat with self compassion and therapy in the future but i feel like a horrible person for things that happened years ago and even the memory is fuzzy. i was a toxic child who shouldnt have been on the internet but im scared i was responsible for something bad. i hate myself. this doesnt feel like something any amount of self compassion could ever fix

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i'm so tired

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