My brains thoughts are switching a lot lately.. I still wish the thoughts weren’t there but the more I say fuck you to them, the less it brings up more thoughts. Recently all my thoughts have been in the form of “you probably would” for sexual obsessions, which I think is because I’m insecure about how sexual I am even though all I do is masturbate, I’ve never watched proper porn just like sex scenes but my brains making me feel bad for me starting to be sexual from a young age.. so eg when I was about 10, I was on a website called habbo and obviously didn’t know what I was doing or what sex properly was, but someone basically was pretending to flirt and kiss with me etc and I can’t remember what else happened but my brains making me feel guilty about it.. I’m choosing to disregard it cause I can’t change the past and I know I’ll get over it but how do I deal with my brain doing this to me all the time?

I have no idea anymore. I guess this all started with me worrying about whether I was gay, then whether I was a P, then worried about being just attracted to teenagers. After that I started freaking out about not feeling “grown up” enough. Like “I’m an adult wtf is wrong with me for seeing someone who is probably younger and thinking they’re physically attractive. Then I started overthinking not finding older adults (like 30 or 40) very attractive. Like ofc I’m probably not gonna find them attractive, they’re not anywhere close my age. Maybe the desires are half real. Maybe as a 21 yr old young adult I do find older teenagers (16+) somewhat physically attractive. I still think it’d be weird to date one. Maybe that’s the normal reaction I’m supposed to have. If not, please let me know. I just don’t wanna do anything illegal one day and I’m super scared I will. I can’t tell if the fear is my just being afraid of the law though, in which case I might actually just be a bad person. I hate that my brain is just rationalizing thoughts now. I feel like I can’t do the ERP thing of “just accept that the thoughts are there but don’t engage.” Like what? How can I just think a thought that might be so integral to my identity and just ignore it? If it’s all true and I don’t like people my age anymore then I have to know and plan around that, that could change my entire life. I’m rambling, my b.

First post, kinda scary. I’ve been trying to figure out for the longest time if this is an ocd thing or something else. For context, I used to have a really big problem with watching porn, starting for about 11-12 yrs old and only stopping a few months ago (I’m 24 now). I constantly have sexual thoughts about nearly every person I see. My family, friends, strangers, and more. It feels completely out of my control and it eats me alive. I have no one to talk to about these thoughts but I feel like if I don’t tell someone I am condoning and accepting these things as good. So I tell my wife. And it breaks her heart every single time. I want to say 95% of the time, I don’t want those thoughts but I can’t say with certainty that there aren’t times I do want to think about porn. Or maybe I don’t. Idk. It’s so exhausting. I’d like some help determining if this is a result of OCD or something else (like porn addiction symptoms or something). Thank you.

If anyone can respond it would help ! I had a spiral last night, randomly. Was looking thru my game library and noticed Lies of P. I think the protagonist is cute like timothee chalamet and never thought about age bc he’s a robot and assumed early 20s but I randomly thought what if he’s younger? And then I just got uncomfortable and disturbed, tried to distract myself on ig but just stumbled upon a post of the main actor in adolescence. The kid is objectively handsome and the fact I’m aware of that disturbs me. I should be able to glide past and be like yeah! Handsome kid :) and go on like normal people but I can’t. Can’t see a cute kid without my ocd trying to say I’m weird for noticing. And the scene where he asks his adult therapist if she likes/is attracted to him triggers me so bad. In my late teens, early twenties (I’m 25). I had a thing for age gap dramas where the woman was older bc I was so sick and annoyed of the usual men being older and I just have this massive guilt complex now. I used to make up stories in my head bc I was lonely and isolated bc of my mothers own paranoias and I thought of celebrities like fictional characters. When I was 17 I had an IT phase that lasted several months and while I wasn’t attracted or interested I made up a “storyline” of one of the actors being in his early 20s and in love with me etc it was short lived (like a week ) bc I didn’t care for it mostly and ended up feeling weird and uncomfortable about it myself. When I was 16 I thought this 14 year old kpop idol was cute and wrote a fanfic about him. None of these scenarios were sexual and I was a teenager myself, and my brain is blaming me now. Making me uncomfortable now. I burst into tears for an hr. I’m sick of living this way. I’m sick of being afraid of every little thing. It’s instinctive for some reason to my brain to automatically label someone as ugly/handsome/pretty and I wish it would stop bc when it isn’t rude it sets off my ocd. I’m attracted to men and women but have had only experience with men and crushes as well and my ocd focuses on why does my ocd only trigger around boys and tries to even twist that into a gotcha moment. Any advice or just understanding would be appreciated